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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

why????

102 replies

drudgetrudy · 13/12/2013 18:06

AIBU to wonder why on earth MILs ( DMs too) want to spend days on end intruding where they are not wanted over Christmas. Can understand wanting to see son or daughter and DGC over Christmas but WHY is it the end of the world if they want to go elsewhere? Can't they watch TV or read books? Have they no friends? A Gran talking here.

OP posts:
LimitedEditionLady · 13/12/2013 18:15

Oh no,full scale sulking going on in our family because we are going to one of the family rather than the other,yet this is the first time in 15 years that we have been to this part of the family.Selfish much?

TicTacZebra · 13/12/2013 18:22

My mum is like this. We are 'selfish' because we want to stay at home and not drive 400 miles with a baby and toddler to see her.

TicTacZebra · 13/12/2013 18:24

Oh and it's not fair on my 11 year old brother not to spend Christmas in his own house. So she can't come to our house. Hmm

LindyHemming · 13/12/2013 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AntiJamDidi · 13/12/2013 18:31

I feel very lucky that neither set of grandparents in our family have made any sort of fuss about us spending Christmas day on our own at home. We made it a rule the first year we were living together, before that we'd both gone to our respective parents for Christmas.

We see dp's mum on Boxing day, and see my parents whichever day we can assemble the extended family, there are 18 of us visiting my parents the weekend between Xmas and New Year this year, luckily most of us will just be there for the day as the house is not really big enough for all of us.

Bowlersarm · 13/12/2013 18:35

I can understand it. I would be worried about being on my own over Christmas.

pianodoodle · 13/12/2013 18:36

Thankfully my mum isn't like this Grin

We always had family Christmas without them dragging us out and about visiting.

Now I have children my parents expect we'll do the same and we do.

DH also had family Christmas at home the same way. It took a bit of "what a shame we won't see you on Christmas Day etc..." (despite us seeing them boxing day) for them to appreciate that all we're doing is giving our children the same sort of family Christmas as they gave DH!

BlingBang · 13/12/2013 18:37

We haven't spent Christmas Day with family for years, would love to be able to do Christmas dinner with them but we have to travel 400 miles and book into hotels and I prefer the kids to wake in their own house on Christmas Day or we go away on holiday. Would have no problem with family visiting us for Christmas but they never have.

Freddiefrog · 13/12/2013 18:42

We're in the middle of a full scale MiL strop. It's not that she won't be seeing them, it's just that it's not on her terms.

My own Mum is just happy to see them, without a whole load of drama.

This is on top of approx 6 months of angst over what she's buying them

I'll be glad when it's all over

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2013 18:47

Me and my sister and mom all travel hundreds of miles and go out of our way to all be together, despite changing family circumstances (eg kids leaving home, divorce etc) . I can't imagine a Christmas without my mom and sister and to be honest I don't want to, especially since losing my dad.

My DC also want to see nan and their aunty, uncle and cousins on Christmas day - to us, that's what it's all about.

When my DC are grown up with DC of their own, I hope they feel the same and don't start threads on web sites implying I'm needy or pathetic or controlling for wanting to see them

So while you're busy wondering "why on earth" they want to see you, they are probably busy wondering why you don't

WooWooOwl · 13/12/2013 18:50

My family must be weird. It's us that have been moaning to the 82 year old Gran that she should come and stay with us for Christmas rather than stay on her own.

I think it must be quite sad to be alone when you're old on Christmas Day and you spend a fair amount of time away from your family anyway, so I can understand why the older generations get upset. It makes me sad to think of the day when my children are grown up and I won't see them on Christmas.

MrsDeVere · 13/12/2013 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZombieMojaveWonderer · 13/12/2013 18:53

My mum is staying from Christmas Eve to 27th maybe 28th and we love having her to stay. She's brilliant with the kids and just cleans all the time. My house is spotless but she can't sit still so I always leave the washing for a few days and stop cleaning the day before she's due to give her something to do.
My husbands mum doesn't ever visit. I don't think she likes me or my kids. I guess it's because my family and I although are related by marriage are not blood. Her loss! Wink

BackforGood · 13/12/2013 18:53

My MiL isn't like this - we arrange a day we'll all get together, and that's it. Some years they come to us, some years they stay at home, some years they go to dh's sister. OK, she gets anxious about arranging the date we get together some time in advance, but other than that, no angst here.

BlingBang · 13/12/2013 18:54

I agree I hate the idea of folk on their own at Christmas and generally would always make room and have done so and offered do so, even for strangers. Just wish we could pop round to see all the family for an hour or so on Christmas Day but we can't and I feel it for the kids.

Absolutmum · 13/12/2013 18:56

My in laws flew overseas this week. They're back in March Grin. My mother is going to my brother's house as has went away last year. We're going to my friend's to drink, eat and dance, yippee!

Freddiefrog · 13/12/2013 18:56

I'm already doing a 400 mile round trip to visit friends and family back home. We are already planning on visiting MiL, and we have invited her down to us.

She just wants everything to be organised around her, and bollocks to everyone else. Bollocks to us visiting my 97 year old gran, bollocks to me seeing my mum and bollocks to what the kids want. As long as she gets what she wants when she wants it doesn't matter if it's at everyone else's expense

We're trying to keep everyone happy but it's never good enough for her

Floggingmolly · 13/12/2013 18:59

Maybe they don't actually understand that they're not wanted?
I'm sure if you explained; they'd happily back off and keep their nose out of your Christmas.

Spaulding · 13/12/2013 19:02

When I read all these threads about relatives getting pissed off over who's not visiting who, I have a little sigh of relief that my parents don't expect us to visit them on Christmas Day and we never have any drama at Christmas.

My parents (who we see once a week/fortnight anyway) are visiting for lunch on Christmas Eve. There's never been any mention of them coming Christmas Day or vice versa. I stayed at home when I was growing up and now I have a DP and DS, we like to do the same. I don't have a MIL (that's a whole other thread) and DP's dad lives abroad so we don't have any arrangements to make on his side. I would just hate to feel like I had to follow some tradition instead of just having the Christmas we want every year, whether that be at home or with relatives. I think the best thing is to be quite casual and vague about Christmas so you don't end up signing up to the next 15 years playing host or always having to go to so-and-so's house.

Golddigger · 13/12/2013 19:03

Why Bowlerarm?

LoveWine · 13/12/2013 19:03

Reading this, I feel very lucky that I actually want to spend time with my family, both parents and in laws, over Christmas. Yes, it is an inconvenience to take (and pay for) a 3 hour flight, but I can't imagine doing anything else at this time of the year. As both sets of grandparents don't live near us, I want to make sure my kids spend this special time with the extended family.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/12/2013 19:05

Why wouldn't she golddigger? I feel the same

Lavenderhoney · 13/12/2013 19:07

I gave up doing the Christmas driving round just like my parents did when they had first had dc. The fuss was unbelievable, they wanted to be in their own home, forgetting that my dads mum had always either been at theirs or her other dc- she didn't behave like royalty and expect everyone at hers.

My mil oth expects everyone at hers Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, and as the other dc live about 10 min drive they all do it. They also spend every day and NYE there or she throws an almighty strop. If you have the audacity to not be there for Sunday lunch she is furious and very frosty, plus endlessly calls to see if you can just pop over. She doesn't like me. I don't play by her rules.

We live thousands of miles away, but she still calls on Skype and dictates activities between ordering people around at her house.

Bowlersarm · 13/12/2013 19:09

Golddigger - . Because Christmas is a magical family time. To me, that is not being by myself at home, alone. I have always been surrounded by family. I would be lonely and probably very depressed about it.

Does that seem strange?

Golddigger · 13/12/2013 19:09

But why be worried about being on your own?