why????

[drudgetrudy]

AIBU to wonder why on earth MILs ( DMs too) want to spend days on end intruding where they are not wanted over Christmas. Can understand wanting to see son or daughter and DGC over Christmas but WHY is it the end of the world if they want to go elsewhere? Can't they watch TV or read books? Have they no friends? A Gran talking here.

I always feel a bit sad if it's just us and the kids, though I'm fine about it this year. I think if you grow up with every year being about family getting together round the table - it can look a bit quiet if there is jus a few of you. That's one of the readons we sometimes we fly off somewhere nice, some winter sun. Would live to go skiing though at Christmas - maybe one day.

I'm a much better cook than my parents are, or MIL was, so they come to us for Christmas day (dad would collect MIL en route to our house). Not saying I'm brilliant, but certainly way better

Now it's just my parents, as MIL died in the summer. But it'll still be nice,
I finish at work Christmas eve around 3pm, and get home to prep most of it before cooking the next day. DCs tidy and set the set, with DP's help I cook, and DP/DCs all clean up, wash dishes etc. Nice and relaxing.

When I was a child we spent most of Christmas day at home, although we would take grandad around the family during the morning, then come home for lunch. Often, family members would come to our house in the evening after grandad came to live with us.

I'm so glad that neither my parents or DPs were the kind that insisted their wishes were paramount and as a result I think Christmas has mostly been quite relaxed over the years.

I think it always depends on the circumstances, as well - my MiL lives on her own, no family contact (her choice, it's complicated, she isolates herself from them) and she's not comfortable anywhere but her own house.

We lived around the corner (I picked the rental house to make sure we were nearby!) and when we invited her round for Christmas (first year as a couple in our shared home and my family lives abroad) she came over for lunch, stayed for another half hour or so and then walked back home.

We have our own house this year and she's refused to come down so we are trudging up to see her, as I want her to feel comfortable.

Last year for the first time in 4 years I actually wanted to spend Christmas with my family so DH and I bought MiL a plane ticket so she could come with us and wouldn't be alone - she knows my parents, they get on really well, but she spent most of her time in her room.

Next year will be our first year with baby and I want to go home for Christmas - she'll probably be alone that year because she won't want to come along.

I wish she'd enjoy being sociable more because then we could just have a big family Christmas....

I love my children and grandchildren to the moon and back but at Christmas my mam's old saying " Nice to see you come, nice to see you go!" certainly works for me!! Although my lot are all extremely local and I see them exceedingly often regularly so I suppose I am very lucky all year long anyway!!

I'm assuming those of you who don't want to spend Christmas without your parents, live near your parents and have small children not teenagers?
Our extended family are 250 miles away. We spent one Christmas doing the hotel thing... weirdest thing ever waking up in a travel lodge. Now our kids are older and the last thing they want to do is spent Xmas eve driving up a busy motorway for 4 hours and Xmas day in my mothers tiny house with my siblings and all their kids. Far more relaxing at home.

skaen that's lovely.

I live big family Christmases. I love Christmas!

Usually right, are you me, I wholeheartedly agree

I would hate to think of my dm or mil on their own for Christmas and hope my dc don't do that to me in the future. To me, Christmas as just the 5 of us is just a normal Sunday with a roast, a bit extra food and presents. We alternate between my parents and dh's parents although pil are annoyed as we won't see them until New Year because dh can only have Christmas day off work - we are apparently selfish!

and presumably princess, you can do that because your parents and inlaws live fairly locally to you?

Oh also don't get the fact you can't travel with small children - 2 years ago we travelled 400miles to pil with 3yo dd and 4mo dtds. Mind you we also took all 3 dc to North America when they were 5yo and dtds were 19mo. 9.5hour flight. We did it to visit family - my family is not close by and scattered across the world. I make every possible effort to see family when I can.

Nope, parents are 1.5hours away and pil are a 4hour drive. We have taken dc to my parents for the day in the past - 3 hour round trip. We travel at sleep time and dc sleep (mostly)

How horrible to prefer a relative to spend Christmas possibly alone. It's supposedly a family time. Call me weird, but I don't think that becoming a wife and a mother means my parents are no longer my family. Christmas is about celebrating with your whole family.

It's not odd to spend Christmas in small family groups, but it is odd and pretty unkind to say you wish that someone who would otherwise possibly be on their own wasn't with you.

Usuallyright, we sleep at my parents - there will be 10 of us in a 3 bed house on air beds, travel cots etc

We used to do the 5 or 6 hr (sometimes 9) drive to spend Christmas with family. We always ended up split up in different houses as no one has much room. Either eat separately at our parents or alternate each year. Once children came along it was harder. My kids when they were little never went to bed on Christmas Eve or woke up in their own home. You were restricted present wise with what would fit in the car etc. Now we tend to be in our own home but not with family. Life is full of compromises, that's when I wish family was just round the corner.

princess, just wait till you have teenagers, see how keen they are to spend Christmas on camp beds, travelling up and down motorways! Mine are quite partial to their own beds and time to use their new pressies. But when they were little they'd go anywhere!
(Btw, a 1.5 hour drive is local as far as I'm concerned)

oh yes 1.5hours is local to us which is why we would happily do it in a day.
Teens I understand but lots of people seem to say they can't possibly travel far with a newborn - newborns are easier than semi-potty trained toddlers or moaning teens imo!

If the situation ever arises where a close family member might end up spending Christmas on their own we'd have them over Christmas Day that would never be a problem.

Until then everyone's happy where they are :)

I am a M-out-L as the DSs are not married. DS1, plus D-out-L and two kittens will arrive on Christmas Eve. They live 60 miles away. DS2 plus GF and her two year old, plus our two DGCs will also arrive on Christmas Eve to stay for at least two nights. They live ten minutes walk away . DH is 62, I am 69, (but still a MNetter) and it is a hell of a lot of hard work feeding and entertaining them all.
Only the lovely not-exactly-DILs will offer any help. No way would I make a fuss if any if them preferred to spend Christmas with some other long suffering relatives. I admit to being quietly pleased that they like us to be all together at least once a year and I do love to have all the family together, but we are seriously thinking of buggering off to the Caribbean next Christmas and leaving them all to sort themselves, and assorted kittens, out.

"AIBU to wonder why on earth MILs ( DMs too) want to spend days on end intruding where they are not wanted over Christmas."

How sad. intruding? not wanted? I would hate for my mum or mil, or indeed any family member, to feel they were 'intruding' or not wanted at any time of the year.

We live in USA, mil lives in England,Dm lives in Scotland. I have 4 kids

21 years ago my mum and dad spent Christmas with me,now exh and Ds1 who was a baby,it was a good Christmas ( My dads sister and BIl came from Canada too,he hadnt seen them in 20 years ). I spent the next 11 Christmases at home with my own Dc ( exh always worked ). I REFUSED point blank to travel to exmil ( who hated me and was none too fond of my Dc ). Christmas was just another day for me BUT I made it magical for my Dc.

After I got married to my now very Dh It was just us and our dd for the whole day,I always let my other kids go to their dads on Christmas day at noonish.

I always collected waifs and strays over Christmas,people with no family,no where else to spend the day etc ( one year exh literally arrived home with a guy from someplace in africa,i cant remember where now,who was an illegal immigrant here and worked at the coffee shop near where ex worked )

Now my older kids are adults but still live at home I have all kinds of people here,some really scary looking guys,but all nice boys. They have no one and no where and would have no Christmas dinner,small gift etc if it wasnt for us.All are welcome here and many take us up on the invite,but NONE are family

Last year my very lovely MIL came for Christmas and it was great,I loves her,shes wonderful. It felt different having family here,felt complete if you can understand that. Mind you I also had 18 late teen and early 20's guys in my house. A wonderful time was had by all :o

Id LOVE to have loads of family here but cant so try and be as much as I can for the poor buggers who have nothing or no one

Sorry bit off topic but Id really really love the option of being pissy about relatives and Christmas

Some christmasses I see family, some years they go to other grandparents or stay at home. I love to see them if they come to us but wouldn't want to control them . I have been astonished reading some of the mil threads and Christmas threads how needy and controlling some parents sound. Lots of other opportunities to babysit and spend time with family if they can't make Christmas. Genuinely wouldn't find it depressing to spend the day on my own if that's the way it worked out. Doesn't mean I don't love them to bits and wouldn't do my best to give everyone a good time if its my turn to host, but certainly wouldn't want to be the subject of a "my mil is a pita and I have to tolerate her for a full week" thread.

Shrug. Kids learn how families work in the own families.

Hell would freeze over before I let anyone in my family be lonely on Christmas Day.

My kids are learning that family matters. Aunts and Uncles and ring in second cousins.

You can join our family if you just turn up enough.

We have about 5 'Christmas Days'.

I would even put up with my sisters stupid partner if it was that or not see her.

Theoldtrout - might be the wine, but that was fucking beautiful! Hope you have a lovely Christmas with whatever waifs and strays you find yourself with. We nearly spent Christmas this year with a total stranger because he was away from his country and family and we couldn't see him on his own - luckily he managed to make his way home.

BlingBang I grew up with magical Christmases I feel so bad for the people who dont have that. My kids really do have some shady friends. Ds1 seems to attract sorry hard done by people. my aim is too make Christmas magical/special for them all. Ive had guys here you would literally cross the road to avoid. Ive had the same kinda guys move in and live here for a while. I see them all as just needing some love and direction and christmas should be magical and special.

I have no idea who or how many will show up this year and I really dont care. They will be fed and given a "surprise' gift or stocking.They will have their balls busted the same as everyone else that comes in here. :o
I have real life family as does Dh but we cant be with them,we enjoy giving that family feeling to kids who literally have no one who cares.

I dont mean to sound sanctimonious or anything and i really enjoyed having "real" family here and would love it every year but that isnt gonna happen so I expend my Christmas energy on making sure its special for someone.

Contrary to popular belief, they really are nice "boys" :o

My Mum arrives on 20th Dec and leaves on 1st Jan. She is in UK, we are in the Med. I can't wait to see her and have been counting down the days.