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Original poster

Do I make an overweight guest sit on a different chair?

122 replies

trice · 13/12/2013 09:30

I have invited my dsis and her new partner over for dinner. He is very overweight, probably in the region of 25 st.

In my dining room I have an inherited antique dining table with Windsor chairs. They are old and have arms and are quite narrow.

There is no way this chap will be able to sit in one of the chairs. His bum won't fit and the chair would probably break.

So do I swap one of the chairs for a sturdy chair with a flat seat and no arms? Will that not look really obvious and embarrassing? Should I swap all the chairs? It would be really obvious to the other guests who have been before. At this rate I will be considering eating on our knees on the sofa.

I wish I hadn't invited them now, I am sure he is a nice guy but I don't know him well enough to not offend him. I can't ask dsis as she will be gutted if I mention his weight.

OP posts:
kerala · 13/12/2013 14:10

My parents had a drunken dinner party once and a large guest spectacularly broke their loo seat. Was embarrassing but he took it in good part and was an ace carpenter so made them a beautiful wooden loo seat that they have 30 years later!

MinesAPintOfTea · 13/12/2013 14:14

My dad is very tall and broad and still jokes about the time we visited family friends who had new "very flimsy" chairs and he broke one. But because he's my dad I can just tell him to sit on one of the sturdier chairs and its fine.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 14:20

Kerala, what a positive story.

Op is your loo seat strong, ours is half falling off....

spiderlight · 13/12/2013 14:21

A generously proportioned friend once went through the seat of my grandmother's beautiful wooden cottage-style sofa that I'd inherited and got completely wedged, folded in half with her legs in the air. It was the most hilarious/excruciating/mortifying moment of our lives - we were all completely incapable of extricating her because we were trying so hard not to laugh because she was so touchy about her weight.

Idespair · 13/12/2013 14:24

Swap 2 or 3 chairs. Otherwise it's horribly obvious. And hide the chairs you removed. Big people usually know to be careful as they will have broken stuff before. My db has broken chairs!

BeeMom · 13/12/2013 14:29

I will be honest - as someone who used to weigh that much.

Talk quietly to your DSis, she knows he is big, he knows he is big... don't talk about your concern for your furniture, talk about your concern for him - his dignity, his comfort and his safety.

You say he is a nice guy, don't let this sour that.

I used to weigh 25 1/2 st. I now weigh 13 stone... I am still a big woman, but when I was a BIG woman, I was acutely aware of where I sat. I would quietly ask a host if a particular seat was OK for me to sit on before I occupied it. When someone thought ahead and offered me a spot to sit, I really appreciated it.

You clearly have a kind heart as you are concerned about this. Have him over, get to know him better, and have a lovely Christmas.

LEMisafucker · 13/12/2013 14:32

I am large of arse - id be grateful

LEMisafucker · 13/12/2013 14:33

Beemom that is some amazing weight loss. Well done you x

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 13/12/2013 14:37

He will be on Mansnet atm running a thread on whether he should bring his own chair to a dinner party.

"Im worried, as SIL has these skinny arse antique chairs and I am still carrying a little Holiday weight from 1992 so think it best if I bring my own chair..Will she be offended?"

BeeMom · 13/12/2013 14:40

Thanks, LEM . I still have a way to go, but as I am tall (5'10"), I can almost get away with this weight.

Sure makes buying clothing a bit easier...

passedgo · 13/12/2013 14:41

Beesmom I was going to say the same thing, since I put on weight I am very mindful of where and how I sit down. It doesn't help that nowadays that everything is made in China for 10p - it might look sturdy but is actually made of bendy plastic.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 14:46

Maybe op should just get him round before and chat to him about where and where he cant sit, that will solve all problems in one go. get a few example chairs out and see what he likes

FetchezLaVache · 13/12/2013 15:01

spiderlight weeping with laughter! Grin Grin Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/12/2013 15:08

Me too, Spiderlight... what happened? She's not still in there, no? ShockGrin

Your poor friend Blush but Grin

passedgo · 13/12/2013 15:11

Looks like we've moved on from Mike Leigh through Pinter via Ibsen and have arrived at Carry On Christmas!

greeneyes1978 · 13/12/2013 16:12

Can we take it to children's literature and suggest 'We are going on a chair hunt', a game where people have to go and find the appropriate chair to sit on?

And this point I will exit... Persued by a chair...

(Yes I am ashamed about that one)

honeythewitch · 13/12/2013 16:17

Usher him into a (large) chair at one end of the table as if he is the honoured guest. Or use place names if the occasion is swish enough.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 13/12/2013 16:20

I'm a seriously great big fat arse and having to sit on one of the tiny children's chairs for two hours at a nursery parents' meeting was hellish. I half perched, terrified to put my full weight on it and was extremely uncomfortable and self conscious all evening. After that I decided it was far better to be up front and march up to the grown up chairs, even if it was the only big chair and say "sorry, my arse doesn't do tiny chairs" or some such.

Just change the chair (or a couple if you feel better about that) and direct him to it and say you thought he'd be more comfortable on this seat. He might be embarrassed but not half as much as if he has issues with the small chair he's sitting on.

whatsagoodusername · 13/12/2013 16:27

Can you refill drinks just before sitting down, then set the drinks at the appropriate seats instead of handing them back? Then everyone will go to where their drinks are?

If everyone has silly, different coloured umbrellas or similar, they'll know which glasses are theirs.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 17:34

Whatever you do op, prepare for the worse.....then it will only be better.

We had a surprise one year when my brother invited a mate along and he was a P.O.R.G. There were no issues but my Mum was unsure about what it entailed, she was used to another type of disability and treated him like he had that, so was being too overly helpful.

Every time she spoke she kept drawing attention to his stature.

"Are you really going to have that sausage, it is a large one...." And "Would you like me to cut it up for you", she even said " you do you manage to find work" and he said he was head of department for whatever, she was so surprised. She had her heart in the right place, she said after, she didn't know how to handle him. It just made it very awkward for the rest of us and mostly him, because she was shining this constant spot light on his height.

pumpkinsweetie · 13/12/2013 18:05

Swap them all, no breakages & no upset!

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 18:20

chair hire, for larger persons, for all the chairs?

snowed · 13/12/2013 18:23

You could put out exactly the right number of chairs - minus one - bringing out your sturdy 'substitute' and ask him whether he would mind having this chair as you only have x-number?

It could be pretty embarrassing to be ceremoniously presented with the "large person's chair". It just draws attention to it. Just put a couple of those chairs out and say where you'd like people to sit.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 13/12/2013 18:25

I would swap two or three chairs, not just his. Could (eg) all the men have different chairs.... and just let the dainty ladies have the antiques.... not sure how many you are inviting.

lljkk · 13/12/2013 18:26

Imagine how bad he'd feel if he broke it there in front of you. Almost anything is better than that.