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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I make an overweight guest sit on a different chair?

122 replies

trice · 13/12/2013 09:30

I have invited my dsis and her new partner over for dinner. He is very overweight, probably in the region of 25 st.

In my dining room I have an inherited antique dining table with Windsor chairs. They are old and have arms and are quite narrow.

There is no way this chap will be able to sit in one of the chairs. His bum won't fit and the chair would probably break.

So do I swap one of the chairs for a sturdy chair with a flat seat and no arms? Will that not look really obvious and embarrassing? Should I swap all the chairs? It would be really obvious to the other guests who have been before. At this rate I will be considering eating on our knees on the sofa.

I wish I hadn't invited them now, I am sure he is a nice guy but I don't know him well enough to not offend him. I can't ask dsis as she will be gutted if I mention his weight.

OP posts:

NinjaBunny · 13/12/2013 09:51

If he won't fit in it then you don't have much choice!

Swap a couple so it's not too obvious.

WorraLiberty · 13/12/2013 09:52

OP, ignore the touchy people.

I think you're very thoughtful to worry about this as I'm sure he would be mortified if he broke the chair/got stuck in it...and as you say he might be embarrassed if it's obvious you got a different chair just for him.

I'd do as a pp said and swap a few, so it's not obvious.

FrootLoops · 13/12/2013 09:53

I don't think the OP deserves all this. She is being a considerate host but is overthinking things, that's all. She is momentarily regretting the invitation (and I don't think she was all that serious about that) because she is worried that she will not make her guest feel comfortable - not because he is overweight.

I agree with others who have said swap out a couple of chairs if you can but most of all relax and stop overthinking.

puntasticusername · 13/12/2013 09:54

at Pom Bears idea. Genius.

NoComet · 13/12/2013 09:55

My parents dinning set was originally 4 chairs with out arms and two with, so swapping 4 and two is a good plan, especially if they are old inherited ones, as you may never have had six.

In all honesty chairs is probably not something most men notice.

AbiRoad · 13/12/2013 09:55

dont make an excuse about chairs being repaired - if they stay togehter you will need a new excuse each time. I would just replace the chairs at both ends and not say anything.

snowed · 13/12/2013 09:58

Swap more than one so it doesn't stick out like a sore thumb.

chipshop · 13/12/2013 09:59

I'd swap two of the chairs so it doesn't look too obvious. If he wouldn't actually fit into your other chairs I bet he'll head to the right one without you needing to say anything. It won't be the first time he'll have encountered this problem so he'll probably be quite aware.

normalishdude · 13/12/2013 09:59

I would swap all the chairs.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 13/12/2013 10:05

I hate chairs with arms when I'm eating. Do be careful one of your other guests doesn't snag the unarmed chair.

mumofweeboys · 13/12/2013 10:08

I would swap the two ends of the table and perhaps use place names. At least your thinking about him. It would be more embarressing for him not to fit or break a chair. Swap chairs and have a great night

Original poster

trice · 13/12/2013 10:13

Oh bugger! I hadn't thought of that. I am going to have to do name cards now. Then it will be really obvious.

If I do frozen rum punch before hand everyone will be too pissed to notice.

Tbh the chairs are not that comfortable, but they do go with the rest of the furniture and they were my nans so they are precious to me.

OP posts:

purrtrillpadpadpad · 13/12/2013 10:20

Oooooh, what on earth is frozen rum punch?

rookietherednosedreindeer · 13/12/2013 10:20

Just swap his seat. Had a similar situation at work I'm the H&S officer, chairs aren't guaranteed for people over 21st which this bloke was. Had to get him to sign a disclaimer that he didn't want another chair. he was cool with it - he knows what weight he is, so it's not like its a surprise.

On the day just point him towards that seat. I wouldn't swap all seats etc. seems like a bit of a faff.

rookietherednosedreindeer · 13/12/2013 10:21

Frozen rum punch sounds great btw - recipe please

specialsubject · 13/12/2013 10:23

he will realise that he is too fat to fit in one of the standard chairs. Just provide a more suitable one and do the usual polite directing of everyone to their seats. Don't mention any more than that.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 10:25

OP I also think your being very considerate too., It would be more mortifying for him surely to have to ask the host for a chair that could accommodate his bulk, or worse, break your chair and or get stuck in it? Much sweeter for you to be worrying about this and working out a way to help him glide into a suitable chair.

SaucyJack · 13/12/2013 10:26

Agree it would be far less embarrassing for him to sit in a different chair, than to have one of your normal chairs break under him.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 10:27

ust provide a more suitable one and do the usual polite directing of everyone to their seats

The problem is op, someone will see a nice big comfy chair and go and want it for themselves, so maybe it would be better to direct him to the special chair or put a sign on the chair, so no one sits in it. The last thing you want is a curfuffle with someone sitting in the chair, having to be moved, everyone shuffling round the table to get him in.

I ate at Mortons once in Hollywood and there was ONE proper arm chair in the dining room, we were told it was brought out for Marvin Davies, ex owner of 20th Century Fox....he was quite large and had his special chair...

AndWHOOSHTheyWereGone · 13/12/2013 10:28

Don't do name cards, just do that hosty thing "ahh Bob, I thought you'd like to sit next to me" steer him towards chair. Smile lots, all will be fine. Sorted.

ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 13/12/2013 10:29

and life is never that simple...some drunken idiot will go and sit in the chair...guaranteed...

ZillionChocolate · 13/12/2013 10:30

I agree with swapping two, directing him to his seat or using place cards and say nothing about the chairs.

tracypenisbeaker · 13/12/2013 10:31

Awwwww shit what if someone else sat in the chair meant for him before he had a chance to get in it? You can't do name cards, you might as well have a neon sign pointing to the chair saying 'lard-arse'.

You'll have to be a slattern and alternate chairs

princessalbert · 13/12/2013 10:31

I'm with the others who say keep four of your original chairs, and substitute two without arms - guiding dsis' partner towards one of those. Use name cards if you are concerned that other guests will bag the wider chairs first.

I had a friend round for dinner once, and one of the chairs collapsed under her. I was mortified by the quality of my chairs! She found it hilarious.

Frozen rum punch sounds lush.

Hope your dinner party goes well :)

TheSurgeonsMate · 13/12/2013 10:36

Place cards is going to turn it into another sort of dinner. If there are just a few of you, just tell people where to sit. (He'll know where to sit, he'll be looking at the furniture with this very problem in mind. What you're trying to avoid is someone else who is thinking about Pom Bears and not seating sitting down in his seat.)

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