Do I make an overweight guest sit on a different chair?

[trice]

I have invited my dsis and her new partner over for dinner. He is very overweight, probably in the region of 25 st.

In my dining room I have an inherited antique dining table with Windsor chairs. They are old and have arms and are quite narrow.

There is no way this chap will be able to sit in one of the chairs. His bum won't fit and the chair would probably break.

So do I swap one of the chairs for a sturdy chair with a flat seat and no arms? Will that not look really obvious and embarrassing? Should I swap all the chairs? It would be really obvious to the other guests who have been before. At this rate I will be considering eating on our knees on the sofa.

I wish I hadn't invited them now, I am sure he is a nice guy but I don't know him well enough to not offend him. I can't ask dsis as she will be gutted if I mention his weight.

What if he does sit in one of your chairs? Are you going to ask him to shift? Or just brace yourself if he does break it? It probably could be fixed....

Frozen rum punch

Juice of two limes
Bottle of nice orange juice (mandarin for Christmas)
Half bottle of pineapple juice
Good slug of spiced rum (I like kracken rum)

Mix and freeze overnight

Stick in a blender to make slushy. Serve with a touch of grenadine to make it pretty and a cherry and grate nutmeg over the top.

Additional daft touches like umbrellas, tiny metal arrows spearing the cherry, plastic mixers shaped like monkeys with long tails, quirky glassware etc all add to the silliness.

Thanks OP this thread has given me a giggle.

I can just imagine the scenario where some greedy bugger gets to the table first when you ask them to sit up and nabs the 'special' chair. Then you have to get the oaf out and in directing DSis boyfriend to that particular chair, make it a huge issue.

You may as well just make a sign up to put on the chair 'reserved for big boy'

Definitely swap more than one chair, and use place cards. There are way too many ways he could end up mortified otherwise. And putting him at the foot of the table might be more comfortable for him too, he'd have a bit more elbow room and you don't feel as if as many people are looking at you if you're at the end.

I am going with autocratic "I have put you there Dave. Jane - you are next to the radiator as you always get cold. " (names changed)

There us no way he could sit in one of the chairs without taking the arms off. They are made for skinny bums, I have no idea how they could have been used with old fashioned clothing. They are over 200 years old. People must have been smaller then is all I can say.

I will probably put my foot in it at some point anyway. It will be like not mentioning the war. I am generally like basil faulty when I get stressed in hostess mode.

I know what you mean! As our family gets bigger, there are more and more things that we all have to be careful over. There are getting too many things for us all to remember them all.

dont mention the special chair...

I am going with autocratic "I have put you there Dave. Jane - you are next to the radiator as you always get cold. " (names changed)

Just brace for the " Sam, can you not sit in that chair please, that chair is for Dave" Then Dave asking why, not realising, maybe does not not know who Dave is, Dave takes a while to get into dining room, so another person sits in the chair and so on.

At christmas dinner, we have a tradition of a couple of silly stocking filler type gifts for each person at their seat. Could you do this? Less obvious than a place card maybe?

v good idea alpaca....

I was going to suggest putting a Christmas cracker by their plates, with their names on them.

Or are Christmas crackers naff at dinner parties?

I have no idea...I'm more of a 'Everyone round to Worra's to dig in and pig out' sort of host

I think a small gift instead of place names will ensure he gets hid chair. He will be relieved I am sure you sorted him a suitable chair.

We always have table presents too. Just a little something, but a good replacement for a place name/neon sign.

This is going to be another one of those Abigail's party do's. I can see it now - you are going to set up a special game of musical chairs, where Dave's chair is the 'lucky chair' and you orchestrate the music so that Dave wins.

Of course he won't win, which is when he tries to sit on the posh chair and everyone gets embarrassed. The guest with the big chair loudly offers his, with a pronouncement 'Here Dave this chair's massive!'. You will make a joke to lighten things up a little but your Basil Fawltyness has now reached its peak and the joke isn't funny.

They then try and maneover the chair over the table which causes all sorts of upsets in the christmas decorations, perhaps the tablecloth takes a sudden tweak as Dave tries to reach across.

That's the first scene written anyway.

You do hear though that lots of people who are larger get stuck in chairs or break them and that has been their turning moment for loosing weight waiting for it to happen to me or can' strap into airp lane belt etc...

this does show people are not necessarily quite aware of their size. I know I think I am slimmer than I am. I am always surprised by how large I look in pics.

Therefore Dave may not be happy you have got him a special chair and may try to literally fit in with the group and prove he is normal by going for a normal chair. He may be a gentlemen and offer the comfy looking chair to another guest...

If I was hosting i would be prepared for this, and what to say....

He'll probably be relieved, OP. The look of horror turned to glee on his face when he initially sees your beautiful antique dinner chairs - and his sturdy, perfectly fine chair - will be all you need to validation that you've done the right thing.

Overweight people know they are and some really worry about having to negotiate walking between tables/chairs, wondering if chairs they're about to sit in will hold them... imagining the embarrassment if the chair breaks when they sit on it...

You could put out exactly the right number of chairs - minus one - bringing out your sturdy 'substitute' and ask him whether he would mind having this chair as you only have x-number? Or just tell your sister that you're looking forward to meeting him and you have a different chair for him. If you know he's 25 stones and have never met him then obviously his weight is a factor that people refer to. Perhaps he tells people in advance so that they aren't (in his mind) shocked?

Anyway, you've done exactly the right thing - enjoy your dinner party.

I think you should do away with chairs altogether and pretend you have never had any. Look vague when anyone asks where the chairs are as if you don't know what they mean.

Or ask people to bring their own chairs because you have had a chair disaster which you are too upset to talk about.

I was going more for a Mike leigh situation, greeneyes is opting for the Harold Pinteresque slightly surreal and menacing feel. What happens next - we have no chairs, we are waiting for chairs? Or we have broken all the chairs out of solidarity to Dave?

Passedgo I like your idea more. OP could always replace all her chairs with tiny doll house chairs as a nod to Ibsen? Also it would be an act of solidarity that noone can infact sit in the chairs, the inderlying theme being we are all the same, irrespective of the size of our bottoms.

How many other chairs do you have, op? Would it work to just forget about the antique dining set completely, and move operations to the kitchen completely?
Or is that too downmarket? There's no way you can do the chair substitute discreetly.

you have had a chair disaster which you are too upset to talk about

what about saying you are two chairs short could dave and + bring thier own?

@ greeneyes

I like the existential theme, Ibsen would be taking it too far to the North and the Dark. "Nothing matters in this world, but our bottoms keep us grounded in the human struggle for existence".
Fin.

My family Christmases are usually a Mike Leigh type event - there is always a waif or a stray with a dark past, someone who falls ill, an awkward couple or an ex to mediate with and controlling neurotic host that gets too drunk to cook properly.

As someone with a sizeable backside of my own, I would say swap maybe half of the chairs?

That way, you are being kind without causing embarrassment!

do name places and add a few sturdy looking chairs so he is not embarrassed. Easy.

It'd be far worse if he got jammed or broke a chair