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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have taught 2yo DD to say vagina?

170 replies

Maebe · 11/12/2013 10:19

Because some of the others mums think I am

I don't like all the other names that are bandied around. If there was a 'softer' word, like the equivalent for willy, I would use that but there only seems to be words like daisy or minnie that don't actually indicate what you're talking about.

I know the 'what do you call it' question gets asked a lot, but AIBU to say vagina? Other mums think it is very weird/rude that DD now says "'gina"...

OP posts:

Glittermud · 12/12/2013 07:15

I was sexually abused by my father for ten years as a child and the family word we had for vulva made my skin crawl, and still does to the extent that I can't even type it here.

Using anatomically correct terms for my daughters' genitals was always going to happen. YANBU.

Original poster

Maebe · 12/12/2013 07:28

It is sad. All the posters who say you can only use vagina if you're going to then say stomach, anus, defecate etc - no one can say what perfectly normal word should be used instead. Because there isn't one. All people one this thread have been able to do is offer suggestions and say what they call it in their family. That's so sad. Why isn't there one simple word? Why so many twee euphemisms?

The more I've been thinking about this thread overnight the more ridiculous it seems to me that anyone thinks that vagina or vulva are words that shouldn't be used because they are too sexualised or too adult.

I haven't read any 'what do you call yours' threads recently - I bet if I go back and read them the consensus will for "fgs, just call it a vagina or vulva". Yet say that you will do that, and you get everyone saying "no, don't be silly, you can't call it that".

OP posts:

chemenger · 12/12/2013 08:22

JockTamson - I'm with you, I have 2 dds 12 and 16 and I don't recall discussing vulvas (vulvae?) in any great detail. I think (and I know nobody agrees with me that this is appropriate) that we just use bottom to cover everything, bum being the anal region specifically. It isn't something I had spent much time thinking about until now. I do think that if you want to use an anatomical term then it should be factually correct though. I think this is because I have a job where precision of terminology is important so maybe I am pedantic.

tinkertaylor1 · 13/12/2013 00:04

maebe I have witness said thread!
It was all very ' oh my gah! You have not told your nine month old it's called a vulva yet?!!, oh I feel sorry for your dc as it's life will be ruined !!!'

maraisfrance · 13/12/2013 15:31

'Mister' or 'misters' for boy parts. Madam or mademoiselle (according to the age and/or marital status of the vulva) for girl parts.

sykadelic15 · 14/12/2013 05:02

I got a chance to ask mum about this the other day. She said one day we came home saying "girls have piddy's and boys have pee-pee's" or something like that. She has no idea where it came from.

I still say "bits", just what I do and my colleague thinks it's hilarious :P

mewmeow · 14/12/2013 09:42

Whilst vagina is not technically correct it is the generally accepted, or commonly used name in the adult world, therefore it makes sense in my mind for children to use it too. It is more right than nini or flower.

MadeOfStarDust · 14/12/2013 09:52

mewmeow - I would disagree - I have never used the term vagina for anything other than the internal thing which it is....

mewmeow · 14/12/2013 09:57

Oh really? I always say vagina relating to anything around that area, always have. Vagina or pussy. As in 'I've got a wet/hairy/tight/itchy/soft vagina'. We must be odd down where I live.

Jellymum1 · 14/12/2013 10:06

I read once that you should teach the proper words as early as possible as it helps protect your child. No one likes to think about abusers but they use "pretty" words when grooming. I know its not nice to think about but as a victim of abuse i think you are sensible to teach her to say vagina.

thankfeckitschrismas · 14/12/2013 12:30

Isn't it more important to teach her that it is private....and should be respected, rather than obsess over what it's called?

My dd has had various names for it over the years, she's 10 now.

She knows that it's her body and she is allowed to make choices about it, but we encourage her to make right choices, and realise that she only has one body and ithas to last her whole life so she had better take care of it.

This applies to every part of her body.

valiumredhead · 14/12/2013 12:34

Thankfeck-I agree. Also how does knowing the correct name 'protect' you? Sorry if I'm being thick but I've never understood this.

moominleigh94 · 14/12/2013 12:52

This is one of those things that scares me about motherhood. I call it fanjo or gash but neither of those are particularly appropriate for a baby. Doesn't help that I don't feel old enough to be saying "vulva" or "vagina", and it'll be growing up around a bunch of students who use terms like "axe wound" and "clunge"

I'm a one-woman advert for teenagers to use contraception.

thankfeckitschrismas · 14/12/2013 13:02

valiumredhead I don't think knowing the correct name for it DOES protect them. That's my point.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 14/12/2013 13:05

moomin is that orange thing your tummy stomach??

Fanjo is OK - 'gash' is vile. Reform now

I'm twice your age and don't feel old enough to call it a 'vulva'! Both vagina and vulva are horrible words - irrespective of what they are naming. Shame really.

I hope the students are able to grow up a bit and not use terms like that around your child.

moominleigh94 · 14/12/2013 14:25

They're all on their best behaviour lately ChippingIn, if someone swears the others are shushing them and reminding them that the baby can hear

valiumredhead · 14/12/2013 14:31

Gash?!! I've never heard a woman use that word before.

moominleigh94 · 14/12/2013 14:41

valium I try not to say it, OH hates me saying it, but like I said... foul-mouthed drama students and all that "gash" is only occasionally used, I tend to stick to fanjo/foof. I promise

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 14/12/2013 14:49

moomin - oh well, they sound like an OK bunch! I hope it all works out well for you

frumpypigskin · 14/12/2013 15:24

Totally agree with you Maebe. We use vagina and penis in our house as well as 'willy', 'winkle' and 'minnie'.

we had this discussion at a children's centre session and one of the members of staff there said to just call it the anatomical name - she suggested vagina and penis. I think more people understand 'vagina' than 'vulva'. I don't think my husband would even know what the difference was if I asked him.

If my daughter said her vagina hurt I would then ask more questions to find out whether she means inside or out, stinging or sore etc

The other words in use like 'foof' or 'daisy' or whatever are not as widely used as 'willy' so could be confusing, and words like 'fanny' have cruder connotations (to me).

I don't think it's a problem for your daughter to talk about her vagina. It's not sexual, it's a part of her body. It's seems weird to not be able to name a part of her body just because she's 2. At what age does it become appropriate? I think it says more about other people's hang-ups.

My daughter is 5 by the way. If she doesn't learn the difference between vulva and vagina in biology when she's older we'll have that discussion I'm sure.

On the other hand, my mum was a little taken aback when my daughter proudly announced that she had a vagina and her brother had a peanut.

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