to ask when you stopped giving a shit?

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I'm in my late twenties, and currently suffering from a crisis in confidence, a four year friendship has turned bad due to a Wendy and I'm being made out to be the unreasonable one.
We live in a tiny village and everyone knows everyones business, we have school aged children in the same class and I'm dreading the school run and the knowing looks.

At work I have no trouble with not giving a shit about what colleagues think of me and just do the job.

So when did you get the confidence to not give a shit, and how did you manage to get there?

I think to some extent you never get over 'giving a shit'.

Good question!! I think it's hard to not give a shit about stuff thats personal compared to sort of compartmentalising feelings at work.

Time is a good healer and you have to train your brain to stop dwelling on things that are bothering you.

High school. Learn to relish the awkwardness, take in the frosty looks, wade through the cold shoulders and meet every glance thrown over the shoulders of gossiping gaggles. You are 'HER', the one they can't stop talking about!! You occupy their tiny minds, and you should at least make the most of the notoriety.

I was a teenager. I worked out that I liked myself more than the cool crowd. It wasn't plain sailing, but definitely better being a one man band, than a groupie for someone else.

I had parents who didn't give a shit and were wonderfully eccentric, so I have never given a shit. Pleased to say DSs, now grown up, don't either.

Last Christmas. I was told I was weird by a Dane. THat is one big kettle calling my little pot black. I had been trying to act more danish, but was getting nowhere, and wasn't very happy. SO being called weird was the last straw. I therefore no longer give a shit what Danish people think of me, and it's been tremendously liberating.

My DM still spends a ridiculous amount of time worrying what others think about her, I didn't want to be like this. I can't remember when it happened, I wasn't in a 'group' at high school, I have moved around a few times with work so just have to get on with going to toddler groups, etc and not care about cliques.

Not till very late, I'm afraid. Really peed off I wasted any time on this sort of thing.

What's a wendy?

In my late 30's
I really am past caring what people think of me.
As long as I've got my family and close friends, that's all that matters.

I have never outwardly shown that I give a shit (even though I would be tortured by things in private), how others perceive your 'shit giving' is key.

When I actually stopped giving a shit was late 20s/early 30s. My husband is very much his own person and genuinely doesn't give a crap about other's opinions of him - he doesn't need to, he's a great guy who everyone loves (therefore he has never floated through life never being tortured by what other people might think). My husband is the only one who really knew what I was thinking, and saw past my 'public face', and being around him made me realise how much I overthought things unnecessarily.

Nowadays (late 30s), I'm still bothered if someone has a negative opinion/reaction to me - but the difference is I can move on pretty much straight away and not give it anymore headspace iyswim.

Best thing to do in your situation is head high, look them in the eye, carry on with being friendly (as in, pleasant) and be truthful (not confrontational but not cowed), they don't need to know how you feel unless you want them to, they can make their assumptions based on your game face.

Apart from school runs etc, do they actually have an input and influence in your life? If not, then they really don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

Originally I thought when I reached 30 but then when I reached 40 I realised I cared even less about the small stuff. There are far greater things in the world to get your knickers in a twist over.

Let pathetic people be pathetic on their own. Best revenge is to not care...nothing worse than indifference.

I was about 13 and realized my friends didn't give a shit about anything but boys and clothes and I was interested in
Scifi and geeky things.

17 when I finally realised I was never going to be or do anything right in my mothers eyes. There would always be something not quite correct about my behaviour/accent/looks/ how I had done something etc. The biggest realisation that I found was I have no shame. I really couldn't give a flying f**k what people think of me. The embarrassment gene is somehow missing which didn't sit well with a mother who was secretive and embarrassed about everything.

I think you can give a shit on the inside but outwardly appear as if you don't. I have never mastered the not giving a shit but people believe I am super confident and don't, IYKWIM, and that works for me.

Early thirties for me. I don't know if it's due to age or having 3 children under the age of 3 but now I just don't have the time or energy to care what anyone thinks of me.

There is a rather bizarre woman at my DS's school. She used to be head of the PTA & managed to have fall-outs with people which involved her pointedly ignoring people at school pick-up time . At one point, I realised she was ignoring me. It took a while for me to pick up on ANSI briefly wondered if I had done something to upset her. Then I filed her away in my mind under "weird woman that I should avoid" & thought no more about it.

About a year later, she friend requested me on Facebook & started dashing over to talk to me in an over-friendly way. I just smile & nod & move away from her as quickly as possible. I don't care if she is offended by this.

Some people are just looking for drama and your 'Wendy' sounds like one. The less bothered you are, the quicker she will move onto someone else with her craziness. Although I can understand it must be hard if you actually thought of her as a friend.

Only in the past few years, and I'm in my mid to late thirties now

It came from realising that the people whose opinions I valued most were the people least likely to judge me. Everyone else is just window dressing. True friends like me for being me... It might only be a couple now, it might be more later but I'd rather have quality over quantity.

I wish I'd known this 20 years ago!

When I started college at 16. I found school hell and although college isn't exactly 'the real world' I met lots of people who didn't give a shit and I realised that what other people thing doesn't mean anything. And I shouldn't stress myself or bend over backwards to change someone's opinion of me.

In many ways I got through my teenage years not giving a shit, but it was a slightly different level than it is now. I think it was more that I was able to switch off completely when things got too bad than not give an actual shit.

Now I really couldn't give a flying fuck. I deliberately hold myself at arms length without being aloof and only make real friends with those who I feel completely comfy around. I keep my closest friends forever too! I can't be arsed with bitchy back stabbers and school playground huddles. Life is quite simply too short to give a bollock about what other people think of you. It's quite liberating getting to this stage in life!

I took alot longer...I was 39!

A toxic family & autistic ds helped!

I don't know what a "Wendy" is either ... my only reference is Peter Pan where the original Wendy is an honest, caring girl on the edge of adolescence..

Aged 34

2 Years ago for me.
I had just come through an utterly shite couple of years and just decided.
The only people who are worthy of having an opinion are the people who live in my house
Other peoples opinions do not matter to me.
I listen, nod, smile and then let it go.
Thats not to say that it isnt hard sometimes. But I have a few very close friends ( I am not looking for any more) and DH, DD and DS.