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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If your childminder lost your child would you want to know?

51 replies

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 16:01

Just picked DS up from school. Saw next doors DD and said hello where's your childminder? Needed to check what time we needed to drop kids back at school for nativity. She said she's lost my brother so she's looking for him.
Said brother is 4 (July born so young 4).

He was found at a park. He went through the woods and across a road. He was sobbing his heart out and she was pulling him back towards school telling him how he was going to have to apologise to the head teacher for leaving the school.

AIBU to think this shouldn't have happened? And she really should be fucking comforting the scared child before telling him off?

Also WIBU to knock next door and tell his dad what happened?

OP posts:

grabaspoon · 09/12/2013 16:02

Id want to know.

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 16:04

Oh good because I've already told next door

I'm slightly shocked. I've managed groups of 2-4 year olds round sea life centres, parks etc and not lost one.

OP posts:

softlysoftly · 09/12/2013 16:04

You need to tell them!

HaveToWearHeels · 09/12/2013 16:06

I would want to know and no you YWNBU to tell his Dad, but isn't it the schools responsibility not the CM's ? Or have I missed something ?
Agree though that she should have been comforting him

SpookedMackerel · 09/12/2013 16:06

So it was school that lost him?
And you don't yet know that childminder won't tell the parents?

If my child ran off, I would want to know, but what makes you think the child under will try to hide it?

diddl · 09/12/2013 16:06

If CM lost him, why would he apologise to the school?

SpookedMackerel · 09/12/2013 16:06

Child minder, not under.

wimblehorse · 09/12/2013 16:08

Do you have reason to believe the childminder won't tell the parents what happened?

I would prefer to hear the facts from the CM than have to piece together bits from various neighbours tbh.

Don't know enough about the circs to respond whether she should have been comforting/rollicking him. Dd is 2 months older & if she had left school I would be telling her in no uncertain terms to never do it again.

runningonwillpower · 09/12/2013 16:08

I think I'd want to know more before I jumped in.

Perhaps the school is at fault here? Was the child allowed to run off before he was 'handed over'?

How do you know that the childminder isn't planning to tell the father herself?

And yes, maybe she should have been more comforting. But sometimes, just sometimes, we don't always react in the best possible way when we are frightened.

DeWe · 09/12/2013 16:09

I'd expect her/the school to tell the parents.

But you don't know the story. It may be that he ran out of school. If she was taking him back to the school to apologise to the head then the head is not going to take that if it's the childminder's fault is he?

If any of mine had run out of school in reception (including ds who was a young one) I would have been telling them off as it is important they understand how serious it could be.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 09/12/2013 16:10

Yes, it sounds like the school lost him, not the CM.

But I'd want to know either way.

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 16:13

He had already been handed over. They were outside the school when it happened. That's why I don't think she should have been telling him he would have to apologise.

I think she might play it down to the parents. She must've taken her eyes off him for a while for him to get that far and she left the other mindees with a friend of hers whilst she went looking.

OP posts:

qazxc · 09/12/2013 16:18

if all you have is information from next doors DD, i wouldn't assume that the childminder is at fault. Especially if she was telling 4 yr old to apologise to school, he might have gotten out before he was handed over.
You say she should have been comforting him but maybe she got a fright and was trying to impress on him how naughty it is to go off by yourself.
Do not be fooled by sobbing the heart out, some children are very "dramatic" (my DN is one of them) esp when told off.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 09/12/2013 16:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CombineBananaFister · 09/12/2013 16:25

I'd want to know but maybe wait and actually give the childminder chance to bring it up - who's to say she won't. Plus if the school were involved, I imagine they'll be saying something too as will the upset child.
Why do you think the childminder will play it down? do you know her or is it because it's quite bad and she might not want to not get a rollicking for it?

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 17:21

I think she might play it down. I saw her collect him then me and DS went to the office to get another nativity ticket for tonight. Went back out and she was standing by park outside school telling her friend she couldn't find him. Someone else overheard and started asking people to look for him. I said oh could he have tried to go home, we are going that way I'll bring him back here if I find him.

She kept saying I only took my eyes off him for a minute he can't have gone that far. He had.

It's the bollocking him bit that gets me. Obviously losing a child isn't brilliant especially when you're being paid to look after said child but bollocking a scared and overwhelmed child before checking he's ok just makes me sad.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 17:22

Also next door won't see him until after nativity as childminder dropping the DS to the school. I didn't want lots of parents asking them if their DS was ok if the childminder hadn't rang them to explain what had happened (which she hadn't when I went round there).

OP posts:

DeepThought · 09/12/2013 17:24

you ask us are you UR to do something, having done the something anyway

then you want us to hoick bosoms, and when we fail to hoick to your satisfaction you embellish the story

or so it would seem

Original poster

Kyrptonite · 09/12/2013 17:26

Not embellishing in the slightest. Have been flapping getting DS ready to go back to school and have just had a chance to finish typing what I started an hour ago!

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 09/12/2013 17:31

I'd bollock my 4 year old if he disappeared off to the park after school. It's not unreasonable to expect a 4 year old to not go off on his own is it?

Pooka · 09/12/2013 17:32

Did you actually see her find him? Do you know she didn't reassure that he was ok before telling off? How do you know she would down play it.

I agree that the parents should be aware but I find your judgemental tone a bit difficult to stomach. You're making an awful lot of assumptions.

Dcs don't go to a childminder but frankly if my 4 year old (September, so younger) had run off like the child in your op I would also be telling off in very strong terms. While thanking my lucky stars that I'd found him!

Pooka · 09/12/2013 17:33

I also thnk that under the circumstances, as a parent, I would prefer the other minders to be kept in one place and safe while the childminder searched. Absolutely no help them accompanying her.

SilverApples · 09/12/2013 17:36

I'd want to know, and I'd expect the CM to tell me and have a reasonable explanation for what happened. You'd be asking the same of a teacher, if he'd done a runner before hand-over, wouldn't you?
If someone is looking after my child, I expect them to be focused on that child's safety and location at all times. Just like I would be.
I'd also be unhappy if my child was abandoned whilst the CM went to look for the lost one, I'd expect her to hand responsibility to another,known adult, or a teacher, or take the other child with her.

CaterpillarCara · 09/12/2013 17:39

I think it was absolutely sensible to leave the other mindees with someone else. Are you judging her on that? (1) no risk of losing them too, (2) she would have been able to move much faster.

Have you never lost your own children? I have. Mine have been lost on a school trip too. It happens and it is best to not be too judgemental if you do not know the whole story. You don't know, for example, how he responded when found. One of mine, when found, ran further and further away. I was definitely yelling and he was definitely sobbing after that!

astyinmyeye · 09/12/2013 17:41

Someone is enjoying the situation....yes right chocked, exited more like. You are a bit of busybody me think !

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