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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that dp has bought me jewelry for Christmas?

111 replies

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 15:23

I think I probably am being unreasonable but I am holding out hope that I'm not.

Dp has his birthday just before Christmas, we don't usually give each other much at Christmas mainly because we travel abroad so the idea of filling up our luggage allowance with gifts to give each other seems daft ( we do take lots of gifts for my family who we stay with over Christmas and we are given gifts whilst abroad.)

This year we decided that I'd "give" dp a new bit of our he needs for a sport he plays as his Christmas gift, I vaguely mentioned I'd like to look for a new camera in the sales as my Christmas gift.

Today we went shopping. I asked if I could go shopping by myself to pick up a few bits and bobs. Dp looked after 1 year old ds. I went to pick up some surprises for dp's birthday, I'm giving him 12 things from me and ds ( as dp has been a dad for 12 months) they are things like his favorite chocolate bar, a bottle of his favorite spirit ( small bottle) painting by ds, cosy jumper as dp is on paternity leave after Christmas a framed photo of dp and ds. All cheap things and lots of them are things we would buy anyway.

When I met up with dp he told me "I got you a present aswell!" then gave me a small bag with a jewelry shop name on it and a small box in it and asked me to put it in my bag.

I said to him that I hoped he had someone in mind who wore jewelry to give the jewelry to as it would be daft to give it to someone for example like me who never wears jewelry and can't see the point in having expensive easy to loose items.

Me and dp have shared finances so he has in effect spending our money on gift that he hasn't thought through. In our discussion he told me the jewelry cost 100 pounds. There would be so many lovely things that I'd enjoy for 100 pounds, there would be lots of options of things I would enjoy more for 15 pounds lush bath bomb, bottle of wine, box of chocolates and the promise to put ds to bed one night whilst I have a long hot bath if your reading dp

Aibu to be annoyed that dp has just spent money rather than time and energy to get me a present? I was happy with the no presents at Christmas, much happier than jewelry that I will never wear. I feel like dp doesn't know me at all.

OP posts:
Sunflower49 · 09/12/2013 19:15

I'd feel exactly the same. I hate DP spending money on things that I don't want or need when money is best spent elsewhere.

However, I don't think it's a bad thing in itself-perhaps he knows your views and figured you'd actually like something relatively expensive that you can wear from him but that you'd never ask for or feel you could justify spending?

80sMum · 09/12/2013 19:20

This is why DH and I agreed many years ago that we wouldn't buy each other presents.

Fairylea · 09/12/2013 19:23

I kind of get where you're coming from.... its a nice gesture from your dh but he should know you enough to know that you don't wear jewellery and don't much care for it. If he's paying enough interest to your everyday life he'd probably know to have chosen something else.

The extra difficulty is that despite having joint accounts you don't seem to have an element of having your own spending money - equal amounts of course- so he could have saved up his own money and then it wouldn't have felt like you brought it for yourself.

I remember one year with my ex dh I was really upset because money was tight and I went to a lot of trouble to make a beautiful collage all about our first years together, quotes and photos and lots of things I'd kept like old cinema tickets from our first dates etc. I got it framed. He gave me a message in a bottle thing he'd brought off the Internet with a ready made poem inside. I was a bit hurt to be honest. Rightly or wrongly I felt he'd made no real effort. Other people would have just been grateful I guess.

I think the way you spoke to your dh was rude. You should have just been thankful but I do see why you're upset.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 09/12/2013 19:43

YANBU OP. Why should you be thankful when someone who is supposed to know you buys you something you definitely won't like especially when you've agreed to only spend a small amount of money?!

Also don't buy the whole 'oh men are brainwashed by the media to buy women jewellery' excuse. Surely men should recognise their partners are individuals and have their own likes and dislikes and not just go along with what the media says.

Original poster
bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 20:40

I have spoken to dp and apologised about speaking to him badly. He is still angry about the situation and said "it's not about what you want to wear, it's about what I'd like to see you in" needless to say I wasn't very impressed by that comment.

OP posts:
JollySparklyGiant · 09/12/2013 20:46

So he's bought himself a present then, not you?

Original poster
bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 20:52

Seemingly so. I think he'd secretly like a wife who swooned at the hint of a sparkly bit of metal but he has me and he should except I'm not like that.

I might buy dp a Christmas jumper after all if we are buying each other gifts bassed on how much we'd enjoy looking at them ourself. I wonder if I can get one which has flashing lights!

OP posts:
VworpVworp · 09/12/2013 21:11

Shock Cheeky fucker! (post of 09-Dec-13 20:40:040)

YANBU at all. This was just him whizzing around, spending as little time as possible on the 'problem' Hmm

5 really well-chosen, lovely thoughtful gifts that add up to £14.36 in total are far, far better than 1x£1000 gift with no thought at all about the recipient.

DH did this a few Christmases ago to me- a ridiculously extravagant present, something that at least he knew I liked, but stupidly expensive, that has never been out of the wrapper Sad for fear of damage, and lack of space to put it. (and we were saving for a house and had 2 under 4 at that point!)

Since then he's asked me for a huge list of things I'd like, and picked one or two items off it, but it's crap for me. What does it say when the person you've lived with for 20 years, your supposed soulmate, cannot even think of one thing you'd like to have as a gift, once a year? Sad

(DON'T EVEN MENTION MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! I have often received nothing from him, his lovely mother has been ashamed of him, and spoilt me rotten frequently Angry)

NuggetofPurestGreen · 09/12/2013 21:49

That's awful OP! What he'd like to see you in!

superstarheartbreaker · 09/12/2013 22:04

I used to work in a jewellers and it used to piss me off when all these girls came in with lovely jewellery that their dp had given them but was't quite right. Nothing to do with being the wrong fit or tasteless. I'd love to get some jewellery from my dp but I reckon I'll be lucky to get anything.

superstarheartbreaker · 09/12/2013 22:07

I don't know if I'm right but I do think that us girls read a lot more into gifts than men do. My dp has bought me a day at the races for Boxing Day as a present which is lovely but I'm totally spoilt and would love some lovely underwear/ jewellery as we'll.

fatlazymummy · 09/12/2013 22:10

superstar why get pissed off? Not everyone likes the same thing. Just because you thought it was lovely doesn't mean anyone else should.
op I did feel sorry for your partner at 1st, but I don't now. He didn't buy it because he thought you would like it ,but because he liked it .A slight difference.

superstarheartbreaker · 09/12/2013 22:23

I am shocked that so many girls don't like jewellery..... I am completely obsessive about it. Decadence is so lovely one a year. Currently obsessing over a butler and wilson swallow bling broach.I think one of the points of a really good present is that it is something to treasure ... If you won't treasure it then take it back! I

Mia4 · 09/12/2013 22:43

YANBU to be disappointed OP, though perhaps next time try not hinting but being direct? He should know you never wear jewellery but unless you really don't like it perhaps he thought you just on't have any really nice stuff to wear and would like that? I'm not hot on jewellery either but the necklace set my DP brought for me last year was beautiful and my only piece of special stuff that I really treasure and usually that sort of thing just isn't me.

YWVU to be so rude when he brought it thought and probably was a bit of a shock and slap in the face for your DP who was likely chuffed with getting you something that he really thought you'd like. Unless your DH is usually a twat then I suspect that he's more pissed off with you and the ungratefulness then anything else to have made that comment to you.

lisianthus · 10/12/2013 02:15

Another YANBU from me, bluecheese and double YANBU after your last post made it clear that it wasn't just a poorly judged present, it was something that he bought deliberately, knowing that you weren't into jewellery and not caring! Shock

Particularly after you'd made an effort to get a number of things, within budget, that you knew he'd like. Those posters who are making deliberately hurtful remarks about your present to him, calling them "tat" are completely missing the point that you've bothered to get him something that he likes.

and £100 is a hell of a lot of family money to chuck away on a present you know the recipient won't have any use for.

I'm not a jewellery fan either.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 10/12/2013 05:36

Ha, you are definitely not BU now - so in other words he bought it because he wants you to wear something that he knows you're not into? Cheeky sod. I'd be tempted to ask if he'd prefer you to take back the presents which you've put a lot of thought into and know he'd like and exchange them for something you'd like him to be into?

Jaynebxl · 10/12/2013 05:55

I'm not a jewellery fan either but I have a few things chosen for me by the dc when dh has taken them to a lovely local gift shop. Each time the 3 of them have chosen something they think would look nice on me without seeming to notice that I don't really wear jewellery. So do I give the bag back to them and complain that they haven't thought about it? No, of course not. I accept it and make an effort to wear it because it reminds me that they love me and thought I was worth buying something pretty for.

ThistletoeAndWine · 10/12/2013 06:05

I reckon it's not jewellery as
Such, I reckon it's a watch!! I think you now realise you should have acted with some gratitude and less rude hence your apology to dh

Perhaps you should just stick To no gift... That way you won't sound spoilt and entitled! An that way he won't be selfish to buy something he would like you to wear!!

Both bad as each other

Original poster
bluecheeseforbreakfast · 10/12/2013 06:10

Dp showed me the jewelry this morning, he had made an effort in as much as it was my favourite colour but it was unfortunately very ugly, it was a ring, necklace and earnings which had a bit of very yellow metal in the shape of a hashtag and a green oval stone.

It's going back later today and I have suggested no gifts we can just enjoy watching ds open his presents, dp says he has something else in mind, hopefully he understands I'd like a cheap gift.

OP posts:
happycrimblechuckie · 10/12/2013 06:12

Bit ungrateful of you. And how do you know that he will want to go to toddler groups. You sound a bit bossy and selfish OP! You should be pleased he likes to look at you and has an opinion on what he sees.

LittleBabyPigsus · 10/12/2013 06:18

Yes, the OP should just be grateful for a man's opinions Hmm

HE is the one being bossy/controlling if he's expecting the OP to wear something he likes but she doesn't, and he knows very well she wouldn't wear it.

Shnickyshnackers · 10/12/2013 06:37

A crap gift is worse than no gift at all, and I cannot believe half the people on this thread who say they would be thrilled with a pound shop tea towel if the thought was there behind the present, I just do not believe it at all.

fatlazymummy · 10/12/2013 08:05

thistletoe yes that is being selfish by the husband. The op isn't a doll to be dressed up as he wishes.

whereisshe · 10/12/2013 08:21

Wow the jewellery sounds quite special Grin, at least it's going back!

Did he understand why you were upset? It's completely clear that it's not some kind of entitled "I only want what I want" thing, but he might miss the subtleties since it sounds like he's trying to, possibly slightly clumsily, get a present that focuses on your relationship rather than just something practical.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 10/12/2013 08:28

See schnicky I don't think a crap gift is worse than no gift! I would consider that a total waste of the giver's (and in this case the OP's) money. I genuinely would prefer nothing. Me and my fella stopped buying Christmas and birthday presents years ago, and we were both good a getting presents the other person liked, but we just decided it was pressure we could do without.

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