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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that dp has bought me jewelry for Christmas?

111 replies

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 15:23

I think I probably am being unreasonable but I am holding out hope that I'm not.

Dp has his birthday just before Christmas, we don't usually give each other much at Christmas mainly because we travel abroad so the idea of filling up our luggage allowance with gifts to give each other seems daft ( we do take lots of gifts for my family who we stay with over Christmas and we are given gifts whilst abroad.)

This year we decided that I'd "give" dp a new bit of our he needs for a sport he plays as his Christmas gift, I vaguely mentioned I'd like to look for a new camera in the sales as my Christmas gift.

Today we went shopping. I asked if I could go shopping by myself to pick up a few bits and bobs. Dp looked after 1 year old ds. I went to pick up some surprises for dp's birthday, I'm giving him 12 things from me and ds ( as dp has been a dad for 12 months) they are things like his favorite chocolate bar, a bottle of his favorite spirit ( small bottle) painting by ds, cosy jumper as dp is on paternity leave after Christmas a framed photo of dp and ds. All cheap things and lots of them are things we would buy anyway.

When I met up with dp he told me "I got you a present aswell!" then gave me a small bag with a jewelry shop name on it and a small box in it and asked me to put it in my bag.

I said to him that I hoped he had someone in mind who wore jewelry to give the jewelry to as it would be daft to give it to someone for example like me who never wears jewelry and can't see the point in having expensive easy to loose items.

Me and dp have shared finances so he has in effect spending our money on gift that he hasn't thought through. In our discussion he told me the jewelry cost 100 pounds. There would be so many lovely things that I'd enjoy for 100 pounds, there would be lots of options of things I would enjoy more for 15 pounds lush bath bomb, bottle of wine, box of chocolates and the promise to put ds to bed one night whilst I have a long hot bath if your reading dp

Aibu to be annoyed that dp has just spent money rather than time and energy to get me a present? I was happy with the no presents at Christmas, much happier than jewelry that I will never wear. I feel like dp doesn't know me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 17:10

The 12 pieces of tat are mostly very tasty tat, so if for some reason he has stopped enjoying his favorite food and drink I'll help him dispose of the tat ;)

I am disappointed but I do accept that the majority think aibu.

Wibu to buy dp something I know he has no interest in ( but that I have wanted for a long time a new mirror for the hallway) if it the gift receiver should be happy no matter what the gift content is?

I see jewelry as an adult version of the boys/girls toys issue, so often boys toys do something fun whilst girls toys often just look pretty. I don't think jewelry improves my life, I'd much rather something that had a purpose.

OP posts:
Dededum · 09/12/2013 17:14

I agree YANBU - I rarely wear jewerally, DH bought me a ring, I never wear rings and it hasn't left box for about 5 years. Take it back, wish I had done.

MrsHelsBels74 · 09/12/2013 17:19

Maybe he thinks you don't wear jewellery because you don't have anything really nice to wear?
I think YABU, sorry. I can sort of see your point at the same time but you do sound a bit entitled & very ungrateful.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 09/12/2013 17:21

In a sense YABU. If he's a bit clueless about gift buying/ giving then it's not surprising he's opted for jewellery, after all, if media/ advertising is anything to go by, it's supposed to make women go weak at the knees Hmm My DH doesn't get subtle hints and wants pointing in the precise direction most of the time, despite the fact that when he does choose a gift for me himself he's usually spot on. I think he gets twitchy and when in doubt thinks if he spends lots of money it'll be fine Grin

OTOH I'm not a big jewellery person and was a little bit Confused when DH got me a clunky big ring (I am very petite with small hands/ fingers and large jewellery looks odd on me) as a Christmas present only 6 months after we'd got engaged and he'd given me a beautiful little solitaire ring. Still, even though it wasn't my style at all (and I think his DM had helped him pick it as it was more the sort of thing she'd wear!) I did my best to be delighted with it and wear it when we were going out places.

IamInvisible · 09/12/2013 17:22

Thank you Havant.Xmas Smile

nemno · 09/12/2013 17:29

YANBU.

AcheyFanny · 09/12/2013 17:30

I am not getting anything for Christmas, my DH is not working. I'll take the unwanted jewellery......

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 09/12/2013 17:44

YABU for being so bloody rude in your remark to him. You could have easily said 'aww thankyou so much but do you not think it's a bit expensive'?

He tried to do something nice and you acted like an ungrateful brat.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 09/12/2013 17:46

And I second that he could think you don't wear jewellery because you don't have any. If money is tight like you say, he might have thought you'd appreciate a piece of jewellery as a treat.

Good job it wasn't an engagement ring - after all you don't like jewellery.

Caitlin17 · 09/12/2013 17:51

I'm very shallow but I'd much rather have one piece of good jewellery than 12 small presents of things we'd buy any day.

pictish · 09/12/2013 17:55

Yanbu to not want jewellery, but ywbvu to respond the way you did.
How would you feel if he unwrapped his 12 items, pulled the Hmm face and said "a bar of chocolate, a sodding jumper and a photo of my own kids - I hope you put more thought into my present next year!"
Pretty hurt I'll wager.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 09/12/2013 17:56

Dunno about you LTB but maybe he should LTB! Poor sod can't win for trying. Not like he bought a Hoover is it?

whattoWHO · 09/12/2013 18:05

Maybe its a watch? Or a keyring with your DC's photo?
Or a MUM ring?

LittleBabyPigsus · 09/12/2013 18:06

YANBU. Surely your partner should know you don't wear jewellery? I don't wear it either and it's such a waste when people buy it for me when I clearly don't wear it! And if it cost £100 it's unlikely to be an engagement ring. It sounds like he just got it because it's a stereotypical present for women, not something you'd actually want.

ProfPlumSpeaking · 09/12/2013 18:12

A present is all about pleasing the recipient. If your DP knows how you feel about jewellery then I can see why you feel disappointed esp as it is not even a surprise as he asked you to carry the bag! OTOH if he is just someone who doesn't think things through and bought it with all good intentions then I suspect you have to grin and bear it although maybe you could explain how much you appreciate the thought but actually would rather spend £100 differently and would he mind if you took it back? I expect he wants you to be delighted and excited. You will have years to get to know one another better and hopefully you can tactfully ensure he doesn't make the same mistake again.

I hope you like it when you open it!! (Is there a chance he is joking about the jewellery being for you and costing £100?)

Lavenderhoney · 09/12/2013 18:21

When dh asks what I want I always say diamonds are nice.

They can always be sold on a rainy day. Keep the box.

Ownteethandhair · 09/12/2013 18:30

My DH told me that if I didn't tell him exactly what I want for Christmas, which shop it's in, what colour and size etc, I won't get a present at all. He says I am not like other people (ie his family) because I think presents should be a surprise and a reflection of the fact that the giver knows you and gives you some thought. Miserable git.
Anyway, I have told him I want a 4x4 Mini in black, with leather seats.

Nanny0gg · 09/12/2013 18:31

Why is buying someone something they don't want. have never worn and will never wear, considered to be 'trying'.

To me it seems more like 'Oh shit. Got to buy something. She's female so jewellery is easy and will do.'

So I think the OP is being perfectly reasonable.

Why be grateful for something bought with no thought at all?

MimiSunshine · 09/12/2013 18:47

I think the way you spoke to him was unbelievably UR. Ok do he's bought you something you don't wear but presumably he didn't do it to piss you off and it was more a case of him not thinking overly about why you don't wear it.

I'm not sure what your point is about the shared finances as presumably the stuff you bought came from the same account.
The gracious thing would have been to wait until you've opened it and say "thank you for the lovely thought, I'm just always worried about losing something this expensive. Would you be offended if I took it back and bought xxx"

Original poster
bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 18:49

I do have an engagement ring which lives in the bedside table, so it wouldn't be that. My engagement ring cost 20 pounds, he wanted to buy me a flashy one but I explained that I really really wouldn't want that.

I think the poster who mentioned the media telling us that women will be overjoyed with some jewelry is to blame.

If dp doesn't like his gifts I hope he at least realises that I have tried to get him something he enjoys instead of just buying him a aftershave gift box or some other generic gift.

I do feel sad that people have more pressing issues at Christmas but there is always someone worse off, I don't think we should avoid complaining about situations just incase someone is having a harder time otherwise no one would ever say anything.

I am shocked that my actions were entitled, I would be very satisfied with nothing, what I don't want is dp spending our money on stuff no-one wants.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluecheeseforbreakfast · 09/12/2013 18:53

I spent a fraction of the money that dp spent. If dp had spent 20--30 pounds I'd just think oh well, not my idea of a treat but I'll keep it at the back of the wardrobe and wear it next time we go to a wedding.

I'm going to call and apologize about the way I spoke tohim.

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 09/12/2013 19:06

Hmmmm marks out of ten...
Cosy jumper - 2
Jewellery - 10

Yep, your Dp definitely wins this one for me.

thebody · 09/12/2013 19:11

IamInvisible good point and hope you have a good enough Christmas and great time when he's home

wongadotmom · 09/12/2013 19:14

YANBU I do not like or wear jewellery and am torn between feeling annoyed and guilty whenever I am given it.

My DH bought me a platinum and diamond necklace for my fortieth birthday costing hundreds of pounds and I got him to take it back to the jewellers.

And I hate jewellers shops because they are so snobby.

1charlie1 · 09/12/2013 19:15

I don't think YABU in being disappointed about the jewellery. I have no interest in jewellery, I don't like it, DH knows this, and would never get me any, as he knows it would be a waste of money. And there are tons of things I am interested in - why would he waste our money getting me jewellery?
I think it's nice you're apologising though, as your response was a little bit rude. But I understand you were frustrated at the waste of money, and the fact that it seemed your DH had put no thought into your gift - jewellery does seem to be the 'default gift' for women.
My DH got me an electric toothbrush (still glamorously wrapped in it's orange Sainsbury bag) for our first proper Christmas together. I bit my tongue and said nothing, because he really is a lovely man, but I was pretty upset. I must say, a few years down the track, he's become an awesome present giver. I think this is because every time he gave me something half decent, I expressed raptures. It made him more confident, and he started listening when I mentioned I liked things.