to be fuming with DP over his behaviour

[phasernon]

I’ve namechanged for this because it discusses a family members health.

Me and DP went over to my mums for dinner last night, we got on to talking about the pension age and my brother who is 16 said that he doubts he will have a pension at all by the time he gets old. DP then said that its no problem for him as he’ll have been put in his wooden box long before retirement age and that he is more likely to be worried about his funeral plan rather than his pension plan. About a year ago my brother was diagnosed as having a heart defect and he does have a high risk of having a heart attack so he is going to need to be careful for the rest of his life.

I am absolutely furious about this and so is my sister who was also there to the extent where she has uninvited him from Xmas this morning. DP doesn’t seem to see the issue, he says that he was just having some banter with him and that we can’t protect him from reality. I feel that it was a terrible thing to say and I am really angry at both the comment and his subsequent behaviour.

I did read your post, 2T, and did you read OP's upthread where she said everyone else in the room at the time knew the comment was directed at the boy ?

I doubt he would be uninvited from xmas celebrations for an "unclear" comment which he has since made a grudging "apology" for, thus acknowledging it wasn't directed at himself

still giving him the benefit of the doubt after that looks like "minimising" from where I am sitting, and somehow it's now the OP's fault for "not being clear enough"

God how is saying I think he's sick giving him the benefit of the doubt!? I said 'if OP was read alone it could be unclear' doesn't that tell you I meant without the update, and you can keep the silly passive aggressive sceptical face

The comment was most definately aimed at my brother. I admit I didn't say anything because I was taken so by surprise.

I entirely understand the 'shock' aspect of it phaser. I'm sure we've all moments where you think 'did they really just say that!?' when you hear something awful.

Unfortunately he did say it. He really isn't a nice man (you say he makes a habit of offending people). If it was a genuine attempt at humour that backfired, and he was a decent sort of person he would have apologised profusely once he realised the upset caused, but from what you say that isn't what happened.

Of course it's your decision to make, but be aware that if you stay with him your future will hold more of the same...and it will probably get worse.

phaser, don't feel bad for not saying anything at the time

it's not your fault your partner is a grade A cunt

what are you going to do about that, though ?