Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fuming with DP over his behaviour

130 replies

phasernon · 08/12/2013 15:28

I’ve namechanged for this because it discusses a family members health.

Me and DP went over to my mums for dinner last night, we got on to talking about the pension age and my brother who is 16 said that he doubts he will have a pension at all by the time he gets old. DP then said that its no problem for him as he’ll have been put in his wooden box long before retirement age and that he is more likely to be worried about his funeral plan rather than his pension plan. About a year ago my brother was diagnosed as having a heart defect and he does have a high risk of having a heart attack so he is going to need to be careful for the rest of his life.

I am absolutely furious about this and so is my sister who was also there to the extent where she has uninvited him from Xmas this morning. DP doesn’t seem to see the issue, he says that he was just having some banter with him and that we can’t protect him from reality. I feel that it was a terrible thing to say and I am really angry at both the comment and his subsequent behaviour.

OP posts:
Original poster
phasernon · 08/12/2013 19:44

He has finally accepted that he was wrong and he has just apoligised to my brother for what he said and tried to apoligise to my sister. However she is refusing to accept, saying that if he was sorry he wouldn't accept it and that he would have apoligised straight away had he really not meant it and that I had dragged him into doing it.

OP posts:
Ifcatshadthumbs · 08/12/2013 19:47

I think your sister has a point. Your dp sounds like a dick

RubyGoat · 08/12/2013 19:47

I can't understand why anyone would accuse the OP of being 'professionally offended'. Why on earth shouldn't she be offended? It's her young brother that the DP was 'joking' about.

MrsWilliamBodie · 08/12/2013 19:48

I think your sister has the measure of him.

Very good post DontmindifIdo.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 08/12/2013 19:50

Yep, your sister is right

I bet she would be very relieved if you kick this Loser into touch. It's a poor kind of man that bigs himself up by making a 16yo boy recently diagnosed with a heart condition feel bad.

RubyGoat · 08/12/2013 19:51

It does seem as though he's apologised for the sake of peace, rather than because it's what he thinks.

Back2Two · 08/12/2013 19:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

Back2Two · 08/12/2013 19:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

ImperialBlether · 08/12/2013 20:01

God, OP, what's it going to take for you to see this man is a complete dick?

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 08/12/2013 20:03

If someone I was with said something like this to my brother, I would be heartbroken and have to tell them to do one, I'm afraid. He is joking about your brother's DEATH. A child's death. To their face. When that brother is having to face the reality that he may die early.

He is NOT a nice man, is he?

Casmama · 08/12/2013 20:04

LTB. he doesn't care- probably fed up with the earache. Sound like a complete tosser and you will frequently have issues like this if you stay with him.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 08/12/2013 20:05

I think your sister has the measure of him.

This... ^^

Very good post DontmindifIdo.

and this ^^

DontmindifIdo · 08/12/2013 20:06

Your sister is right. If he meant the apology then he would have said it straight away, and would need no or very little prompting from you. It's good that he is prepared to apologise to keep the peace (although that suggests he doesn't actually think he was wrong) but that doesn't change the fact that he felt it was ok in the first place and had to have it pointed out to him.

Look, everyone can have a moment when they act like a twat, but most people a) don't make a habit of it and b) tend to be embarrassed when they realise jokes have fallen flat and they have upset people.

don't belittle this, this is who this man is. He needs to do more than just say sorry, he needs to be sorry, if he's not genuinely sorry (for what he said, not just for the fuss caused by what he said - important difference), then he'll do it again.

flippinada · 08/12/2013 20:10

He sounds an absolute delight.

There'll be more of this and worse to come if you stay with this man. Friends and family will also begin to make themselves scarce once they've had enough of monsieur charm and his "witty banter".

Is that what you really want?

tinkertaylor1 · 08/12/2013 20:10

' LTB, he's a monster"

It was in poor taste but I hardly think he meant any harm by it. It probably has been built in to a huge thing now and everybody will be quietly seething in to their snowballs on xmas day.

Happy Christmas!

tinkertaylor1 · 08/12/2013 20:12

The way I read the post was that DH was actually talking about himself are you 100% sure he wasn't?

ImperialBlether · 08/12/2013 20:13

You don't think it's a bad thing to suggest to a boy with a heart problem that he won't live to an old age, tinkertaylor?

flippinada · 08/12/2013 20:14

You'll also be on the receiving end too - that's if you aren't already.

TalkativeJim · 08/12/2013 20:21

Christ almighty woman, dump him!!!
18 months in and he thinks it's ok to act like that in front of your family?!

'Aww s'only a bit o'banter HURR HURR you lot are waaay oversensitive' - FUCK OFF, DICKHEAD!

He's a twat.

You'll look back on all this and be nodding your head in regret if you stay with, and make excuses for, him.

Your sister has him sussed.

I'd be MORTIFIED if I'd created offence and upset at this level with a partner's family that I'd only known this long. Only I'd never have made a 'joke' like that in the first place.

18 months!!! I thought he must have been around years for something like this to have transpired.

He has no boundaries and is an arrogant prick to boot. Oh, and never ever wrong... He caused offence... But his first line is that it's YOUR fault.

DUMP!!

expatinscotland · 08/12/2013 20:23

Dump this creep pronto.

tinkertaylor1 · 08/12/2013 20:25

The way I read the post was that DP was talking about himself.

If I'm wrong then I apologise. If it was said directly to DB about DB I probably would have punched him in the mouth.

Flicktheswitch · 08/12/2013 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KrabbyPatty · 08/12/2013 20:28

Your sister is right.

A forced apology doesn't undo it.

Unforgivable, imo.

Preciousbane · 08/12/2013 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrumpetQueen · 08/12/2013 20:34

You would be completely disloyal if you were to stay with this man.

Blood is thicker than water.

If my partner said that to my brother I would've kicked him out on the spot. Vile.