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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a little upset about Christmas on my own?

42 replies

Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:11

My dad was supposed to be coming to mine but has decided to spend it with his wife (my stepmother) instead, and this would be OK other than the fact she has two daughters, both of whom have partners and one of whom has two sons. I suppose in other words she has other options for people to spend the day with but I don't.

He will come to mine on Boxing Day and leave the following day so I will see him but aibu to be just a touch upset about the day itself being spent on my own?

OP posts:

Dawndonnaagain · 08/12/2013 13:13

Perhaps you could help out at your local Crisis centre? That way you'd be helping others as well as being busy and meeting new people.

Dawndonnaagain · 08/12/2013 13:13

Crisis at Christmas info

formerbabe · 08/12/2013 13:14

YANBU...will you be on your own for the whole day or is there somewhere you could go or someone you could join? Anyone else to invite?

I'm a bit confused as to why you would invite your dad to yours but not his wife? Do you not get on?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/12/2013 13:14

Did he ask if you would like to go to your stepmothers with him?

Nancy66 · 08/12/2013 13:15

I wouldn't want to spend Christmas day on my own. Is there nowhere else you can go? A friend? Neighbour?

Get the word out there that you'll be on your own (Facebook etc) and see if any invites come your way. I absolutely wouldn't see a family member or close friend on their own at Christmas so I'm sure you'll get offers.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/12/2013 13:16

Maybe former the OP wouldn't have room for Dad+StepMother+ 2 DD+ DP+2 DC (and Uncle Tom Cobbley and his cat )

But he was her Dad before he was the StepMothers DH ?

verytellytubby · 08/12/2013 13:17

I'm really confused. Why didn't you invite your dad and your stepmother? Can't you spend it with them?

Smoorikins · 08/12/2013 13:18

I think it would be unreasonable to expect your dad to not spend Christmas with his wife. Why can't you go and spend it with them all?

formerbabe · 08/12/2013 13:19

I was just wondering if they didn't get on. Its unusual for a husband and wife to be apart on Christmas day. I also thought it was odd that they didn't ask the op to join them.

BohemianGirl · 08/12/2013 13:20

My dad was supposed to be coming to mine but has decided to spend it with his wife

Why wouldnt he spend it with his wife? can you not go their house instead>

YoungBritishPissArtist · 08/12/2013 13:22

Is there a back story with your stepmum? Do you not get on?

Original poster

Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:22

I didn't not invite her :) but my dad said originally 'I will come to yours for Christmas' then said when he'd told her this she'd got upset. She would be very welcome here but she's never come and I've never been invited to theirs - don't know why.

I don't really want to spend Christmas at a friends house - did it before and you do get in the way a little bit! I'm used to spending the day on my own, I'm just upset as I thought this year it would be different but now it's not.

OP posts:

Hayleychopper · 08/12/2013 13:23

I have spent christmas on my own and while I wouldn't want to do it every year it wasn't as bad as I thought.

I bought loads of my favourite food and drink, spent all day in my pj's watching films and reading, no pressure to do anything if I didn't want to.

And you have Boxing day with your Dad to look forward to

formerbabe · 08/12/2013 13:24

I really feel for you. Do they realise you will be alone on the day? If so, I think they are treating you appallingly.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2013 13:26

I'm going to be spending it on my own as well
Our local homeless centre is so overwhelmed with offers that you have to register the preceding January. Last year I spent the day seeing my mum at her care home. 250 mile round trip.

Original poster

Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:26

Oh yeah, they know - he's always done this which is why I think it's seen as just not that big a deal any more. The day itself is OK, obviously I can get through it as its just a day when all is said and done. What is upsetting though is that I'm so low down on priorities - it would be fair enough if it was a choice between me on my own or her on her own but it isn't, and yet I still lose out!

OP posts:

Maryz · 08/12/2013 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 08/12/2013 13:27

I forgot to say I hope you do manage to do something nice. It's shit feeling like a charity case or as if you might be in the way of other people's Christmas.

formerbabe · 08/12/2013 13:28

If I was in you position I would tell him outright that you are a little upset to be on your own on Christmas day and ask why you can't join in with them?

Original poster

Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:28

Like I say, the actual day isn't the issue but its more feeling like I'm last on everybody's priorities if you see what I mean. If he couldn't spend the day with me because of work or traffic that would be different, but it's because he doesn't want to and that does hurt a bit.

OP posts:

NuggetofPurestGreen · 08/12/2013 13:29

Agree OP I would hate to spend Christmas at a friend's etc if I can't be with my own family I would prefer to be on my own in my own house.

Hope you have a nice day in any case just stock up on nice food drinks etc. sorry about your dad changing his plans.

pigletmania · 08/12/2013 13:31

Why not goto dads, after allies about family

ilovesooty · 08/12/2013 13:31

I get where you're coming from. Same with my sister who told me two years ago that I might as well go away as it wasn't as if I had anywhere else to go. I don't mind the thought of the day so much but the cheerful family focused build up is depressing.

pigletmania · 08/12/2013 13:32

After all it's doh

Original poster

Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:32

Maryz, I did suggest that last year in fact and I can't even remember what he said - some excuse anyway!

He's always been a bit weird about keeping wives and children separate which of course exacerbates the problem(s) as on the odd occasion we DO meet, we never know what to say to one another! What is annoying is that the same in reverse isn't true - he knows her two daughters and their children and spouses/partners very well.

I have tried to talk to him about it but its hard as he hones in on a specific issue (such as 'oh well we didn't invite you because there wouldn't have been space') rather than the problem as a whole - not sure if that makes sense! It's really hard as its a delicate subject to say the least as we barely spoke for about seven years (not my choice) so I don't want to damage the fact we have a relationship but by the same token I do sometimes wonder if its even worth it!

OP posts:

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