Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little upset about Christmas on my own?

42 replies

Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:11

My dad was supposed to be coming to mine but has decided to spend it with his wife (my stepmother) instead, and this would be OK other than the fact she has two daughters, both of whom have partners and one of whom has two sons. I suppose in other words she has other options for people to spend the day with but I don't.

He will come to mine on Boxing Day and leave the following day so I will see him but aibu to be just a touch upset about the day itself being spent on my own?

OP posts:
NuggetofPurestGreen · 08/12/2013 13:33

I know what you mean OP but I think you're on to something when you say he's often done this and so they think it's not a big deal. Don't really understand why he said he would in the first place though and then changed his mind that makes it worse somehow. I doubt it's that he doesnt want to though more he doesn't want to upset his wife?

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 08/12/2013 13:34

'she's never come and I've never been invited to theirs - don't know why.'

Bigger picture, you need to get to the bottom of this, don't you?

Original poster
Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:36

People can be so thoughtless ilovesooty - I can really understand how much that must have hurt.

I hope you also manage to have a good Christmas. Ironically I do like this time of year, my ex b/f was a nurse and often worked Christmas Day and I honestly didn't mind at all. But there's a difference between 'oh that's a bit rubbish' and 'oh, the one family member I have can't be bothered!'

Friends always mean well but I once and only once accepted an invitation to be at a friends on the day itself, it was terrible. I felt like a visiting alien from another planet!

OP posts:
Original poster
Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 13:39

Headless, it is very hard to explain other than rather lamely saying its just something he does/we do. Dad meets a woman and within hours (it seems!) he is embraced as a long lost relative into her wider family but I have yet to meet my step-sisters, step-in laws, and step-grandchildren. And they have been married 2 years!

He has been married before, to a lady who wasn't my mum I mean, and was exactly the same then.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 08/12/2013 13:41

I would have it out with him, that's not acceptable. Her dd are included, and your not, you need to be more vocal.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 08/12/2013 13:42

Friends always mean well but I once and only once accepted an invitation to be at a friends on the day itself, it was terrible. I felt like a visiting alien from another planet!

This exactly. I often get invitations from friends which is of course very nice but they can't understand that I'd prefer to be alone than feel like an alien! Smile

pigletmania · 08/12/2013 13:43

Don't accept it. Either thy if he doesent change I would cut him off tbh if he feels so low of me

NuggetofPurestGreen · 08/12/2013 13:43

However you might feel like that if you went to your stepmother's too...

Maryz · 08/12/2013 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsItMeOr · 08/12/2013 13:45

OP, it sounds like your dad is the main issue here.

While I think it would be unreasonable to expect somebody to spend christmas day apart from their spouse, I don't think that's really the problem.

Is there a way you could engineer a phone call with his wife and try to ask her whether it would be okay for you to visit?

Maybe he's one of those people that just can't cope with negotiating these family relationships, and hurts people while ignoring it. Perhaps his wife will be happy to help him manage the relationships, so you get the result you want without your dad having to change his apparently personality?

TheHeadlessLadyofCannock · 08/12/2013 14:48

OP, I do understand about things that just happen and no one really knows why or talks about them. There are similar dynamics among my family and friends and I feel like curling up and dying at the very thought of trying to discuss them Grin

But as an outsider to your case, that was the best advice I could give. Other than trying not to feel hurt, or turning it into a positive and enjoying having the day to yourself.

I hope you start to feel a bit better about it, anyway Thanks

Original poster
Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 18:23

Thanks very much.

Maryz - thank you for that link, I love skiing :)

OP posts:
Maryz · 08/12/2013 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 18:39

I think it is a bit late in the day for this Christmas, I've already made arrangements for my dad to come to me and would need to sort out pets and so on. Definitely something I'd like to do next year though.

OP posts:
Maryz · 08/12/2013 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Stgeorgiaandthedragon · 08/12/2013 18:50

Yeah - that would be perfect; I like to spread the costs Grin

We went skiing a few times as a family when my mum was still alive, it was lovely.

OP posts:
happinessisabutterfly · 20/12/2014 17:44

YANBU, something similar happened to me only it was my dad's partner but it is so upsetting.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page