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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not know what to do next RE housing situation?

137 replies

extremepie · 06/12/2013 19:22

Bit of background, me & DH split up recently meaning I have had to give up my job due to childcare difficulties.

We actually got given notice to quit on our current rented house in June because our 6 month contract had expired and they didn't want to renew as they are elderly and want to sell the house.

There was a property we were due to move in to that is owned by a former friend but it needed quite major renovations so landlords agreed to let us stay until it was ready. Unfortunately at the last minute friend changed her mind (after me & DH split) & said we could no longer have the house.

I have been looking for a private rented place since September with no luck, the issues are as follows:

I don't drive & wanted to stay close to DS' school - I have relaxed this a bit to include anywhere in a certain area that is close to any school as so few have come up in the area I wanted!

I am receiving HB (LHA) but do not have a guarentor so 80% of agencies & private rentals will not touch me with a barge pole.

I am on the council lisg for a property. I have 2 boys so the council say I only need 2 beds but DS2 has ASD and quite severe sleep issues which impact heavily on DS1 if they share a room so we have had a social worker & paediatrician write letters recommending DS2 have his own room to minimise the disturbance but the council have only given us the option to bid on 2 bed houses.

We are on band e so have virtually no hope of getting a couple place any time soon anyway!

I have found a property that looks perfect & may actually possibly take us on with our circumstances but I have been told because there is a £150 a month difference between the HB we get & the rent on the house the council will not help us move into it (with the rent deposit scheme) because it is too expensive & we need to look for somewhere cheaper.

It's driving me mad & I don't know what to do next! It's a bloody miracle I managed to find the one I did & now they are saying they won't help so what's my next option? Sit & wait to get evicted & then stuck in a hostel or temporary accommodation until we can get housed?

No clue where to go next :(

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 08/12/2013 16:38

Oops, took so long to post that the OP had said so herself.

judgejudithjudy · 08/12/2013 16:54

of course she hasnt been offered one yet, there are people in worse situations than op that have been on the waiting list longer. i kindly suggest you accept any help offered in the short time. there are more people wanting council houses than there are available im afraid. & if youre in a rural area, contact neighbours ect as there will be a shared oil delivery as this is what i do or you can apply for a crisis loan for oil.

MadAsFish · 08/12/2013 16:58

Then why do you persist in saying she's refused something she wasn't offered?

expatinscotland · 08/12/2013 17:11

Crisis loans no longer exist.

judgejudithjudy · 08/12/2013 17:17

op has quite clearly stated that she has found a house but council wont help her as its too expensive so find a cheaper house?! so effictively op is demanding something the council will not allow. op has a roof over her & her dcs heads so will not be high up on the councils list & she states she doesnt want to go down that route for fear of being given a b&b but at least she will have a roof until a suitable house becomes available?! rome wasnt built in a day & needs must. a b&b is temp until suitable acc is found but this isnt good enough for op. if i was facing being homeless with my sn child i would take anything to keep a roof over his head. we cant all expect a 3 bed council house in walking distance to school/shops within weeks. now if op had said she had waited months/years but she hasnt.

LeBearPolar · 08/12/2013 17:26

Judy - the OP has clearly stated that, while she would prefer (and is entitled to) a 3 bed house, she would happily accept a 2 bed if one were offered. Her issue is that she can't get any housing at all.

Read the thread before going on about what she's 'demanding'.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/12/2013 17:38

Why the pejorative language, she is not 'demanding' anything! While you've continued to attack the OP, you're still misusing your son's DLA money, so people in glass houses and all that.....!

Trigglesx · 08/12/2013 17:56

and while a b&b is temporary until suitable accommodation can be found, for some children with disabilities, it would not only be unsuitable, it would be unsafe.

These things need to be taken into account.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 08/12/2013 18:36

So am I supposed to stay awake 24/7 bluecheese? When I do eventually pass our from exhaustion I can just sleep on the floor I guess :D

I assumed that an awake child ( especially a sn child) needed adult supervision.

As has been suggested you could sleep in either of your children's rooms or on the sofa.

I live in a country where the adults sleeping in the living room is very normal. You are not going to use the bedroom and living room at the same time, in my opinion it is a luxury to have a bedroom per person. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, there are 3 of us.

SoonToBeSix · 08/12/2013 18:46

Blue cheese so you seriously think parents of special needs children should stay up the entire night invade they wake. Obviously you wake when they do as you would with a baby
Also you cannot compare to other countries some people live in
mud huts would that be suitable for the op and her disabled child?

JakeBullet · 08/12/2013 18:47

It IS a luxury to have one bedroom per person but we are talking about a child with significant SN here and we are in a country where that could be easily accommodated housing wise. It is disgusting that we are expecting a Carer to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room......not even a space of her own for a bit of privacy. Sofa-beds used nightly for those not experienced in this do not allow or guarantee a restful night's sleep.....even if it is an undisturbed night.

Given that Carers often get little or no respite then a room of their own is the very least we should be guaranteeing. I think it's disgusting that we don't allow for this.....and even more disgusted that politicians think Bedroom Tax etc doesn't apply to those families where there are disabilities.

Here we have a prime example of someone who needs that extra room.....and we have politicians, a council and people on an Internet forum telling her she should be grateful for just two bedrooms and the opportunity of sleeping on a sofa-bed. I despair!

OP, YA definitely NOT BU. But this is a selfish society who either want to put you down or drag you down. Nobody wants to help or see how hard your situation is. Crap isn't it?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/12/2013 18:55

Even if the OP was 'demanding' 3 rooms, she is entitled to because case law says so.

GobbySadcase · 08/12/2013 18:56

Oh damn. Missed Judgewhateverthefuckitis' sweet nothings.
I'm sure it was something telling me I'm entitled and a bedroom each is unnecessary. Which wouldn't be true.

Two health professionals (including a consultant paed) and a social worker deemed it necessary for safety reasons. It does happen you know.

I'm sure Judgedooberrywhatsit was making the same ill judged snipes from not knowing my situation, just as it doesn't know the OP's situation either.

It is not entitled and grabby to need certain things. If Judgewhatyamacallit can't appreciate that then I'd question the needs if it's own child. If it has one.

Oh and if anyone would like to try meeting the care needs of three kids with additional needs whilst holding down work do please let me know. It would amuse me so.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 08/12/2013 18:59

I would expect that a family was provided with a carer to help look after a child who was awake for large parts of the night.

The UK obviously can't look after every family that "need" a 3 bedroom house otherwise there wouldn't be 4000 people in front of op on the housing list.

I am not suggesting the op sleeps in a public waiting room, it's her own living room. Her children would be in their personal bedrooms, the op's living room would offer privacy.

GobbySadcase · 08/12/2013 19:01

Ooh you would expect that, would you?
Chances of that happening are about the same as a snowball lasting in hell.

We have two poor sleepers in this house.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/12/2013 19:03

I would expect that a family was provided with a carer to help look after a child who was awake for large parts of the night.

You may expect it but welcome to social care in 2013, it doesn't happen!

ShylaMcClaus · 08/12/2013 19:05

"I would expect that a family was provided with a carer to help look after a child who was awake for large parts of the night"

Why pay someone else for the night shift when the parent can do everything day and night for £59.75 per week, no matter how many sleepless children there are?

bochead · 08/12/2013 19:08

^ wot she said!^

72 hour stints without sleep become the norm Sad.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 08/12/2013 19:11

Surely the lack of supervision for a child with sn is a much bigger issue than a 3 bedroom house? As I said I am not living in the UK, the support for people with disabilities is fantastic here, the housing that a family where the parent( s) are unemployed would be small but the practical support would be generous.

JakeBullet · 08/12/2013 19:11

No Carers are NOT supplied....or any other form of support. The parent does it all.....as she would and will struggle. Yet we deny her a bedroom.....nice!

The OP isnt asking for a three bedroom council house (although she is more in need of this than many waiting or even in council properties)....just a three bedroom house, if necessary in the private sector so that she can meet the needs of everyone in the house....and that includes herself! The OP needs to be cared for because if she falls down then the cost to society will be much higher.

JakeBullet · 08/12/2013 19:11

I agree with your last post bluecheese, the lack of support is a disgrace.

Trigglesx · 08/12/2013 19:14

I would expect that a family was provided with a carer to help look after a child who was awake for large parts of the night.

Nope. I had to ask and ask and ask for help regarding DS1, as he wasn't sleeping. He's 7yo and hasn't slept through the night ever. He literally would not go to sleep until almost midnight, then fall asleep with exhaustion, wake up repeatedly until about 3:30 or 4am and then be up for the day and do the whole thing all over again. Every. Single. Night.

To say I was exhausted is vastly understating it. The paediatrician finally gave me a prescription for him for medication to help him get to sleep. It helps him get to sleep, so he sleeps from maybe 8 or 9pm until 12-1am. He still wakes up repeatedly during the night, but isn't generally up for the day until 5am now, which is a vast improvement. I still get very disjointed sleep and have to function with that.

No carer has ever been offered, even when it was at its worst. And I really had to push to get the sleep medication initially. Looking back on the time before he had the meds, I often wonder how in god's name I retained my sanity. I'm tired now, but I was literally over the edge tired before.

Parents can sometimes get respite, but I don't. I look at school as my respite - it's when I do everything I can't do when he is home, and that includes sleeping. Needless to say, summer and Christmas holidays are pretty wearing as I don't get that break then.

youarewinning · 08/12/2013 19:20

Excellent post jake.

Ragusa · 08/12/2013 19:55

I don't thimk judgejudy is too interested in what you have actually written: more a case of "never let the facts stand in the way of a good argument" Biscuit

judgejudithjudy · 08/12/2013 21:19

can you not move closer to friends/family? as far am i am aware the higher dla is to assist with paid child care for op as that is what i was told when i applied for my sn son. respite is also available for op if she needs it, i use it once a month for my sanity. shove other dc in his room & have the best nights sleep ever. im allowed my opinion & still stand by op should take whats given in the short term & keep fighting for what she wants. i know people with a 1 year old down syndrome baby in a studio flat & they also make it work until the council get a house/flat where they want to be but ffs they have a roof over their heads & they appreciate that. op needs to contact cab to find out her legal rights rather aibu in mumsnet?!

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