To really not know what to do next RE housing situation?

[extremepie]

Bit of background, me & DH split up recently meaning I have had to give up my job due to childcare difficulties.

We actually got given notice to quit on our current rented house in June because our 6 month contract had expired and they didn't want to renew as they are elderly and want to sell the house.

There was a property we were due to move in to that is owned by a former friend but it needed quite major renovations so landlords agreed to let us stay until it was ready. Unfortunately at the last minute friend changed her mind (after me & DH split) & said we could no longer have the house.

I have been looking for a private rented place since September with no luck, the issues are as follows:

I don't drive & wanted to stay close to DS' school - I have relaxed this a bit to include anywhere in a certain area that is close to any school as so few have come up in the area I wanted!

I am receiving HB (LHA) but do not have a guarentor so 80% of agencies & private rentals will not touch me with a barge pole.

I am on the council lisg for a property. I have 2 boys so the council say I only need 2 beds but DS2 has ASD and quite severe sleep issues which impact heavily on DS1 if they share a room so we have had a social worker & paediatrician write letters recommending DS2 have his own room to minimise the disturbance but the council have only given us the option to bid on 2 bed houses.

We are on band e so have virtually no hope of getting a couple place any time soon anyway!

I have found a property that looks perfect & may actually possibly take us on with our circumstances but I have been told because there is a £150 a month difference between the HB we get & the rent on the house the council will not help us move into it (with the rent deposit scheme) because it is too expensive & we need to look for somewhere cheaper.

It's driving me mad & I don't know what to do next! It's a bloody miracle I managed to find the one I did & now they are saying they won't help so what's my next option? Sit & wait to get evicted & then stuck in a hostel or temporary accommodation until we can get housed?

No clue where to go next :(

excuse me? my sons dla finishes soon & i will have a sn rising adult that will leave school with no grades. out of my wages i pay for his private tutoring so i can try & save for his uncertain future. i live in a 2 bed with a sn child, he has his own room & i share with my other dc. i pay my sodding rent & struggle so why shouldnt op share or sleep on a sofa bed? im 5 miles away from my school as its cheaper rent & i manage with buses. op should take a 2 bed house anywhere & bloody well be grateful! maybe i should give up work & demand a free 3 bed house in walking distance of the school as my son needs watching 24/7 but no, i have my pride & struggle with my sn child, work & live in a teenytiny house. op - why cant you sleep on a sofa bed? please answer that!

Judy just because it is working for you doesn't mean it will work for everybody.

There are a number of reasons why your situation may not be workable for the OP. For heaven's sake, it might be as simple as the OP having a bad back and not being able to sleep on a sofa bed.

The OP has already stated that she and her DH split, so I hardly think making accusations about "giving up work and demanding a free 3 bed house" are fair. And she has already pointed out that she does not drive. If she currently cannot drive and is struggling financially, I hardly think that driving lessons are an option at the moment. And that leaves walking or riding the bus. If she is struggling financially, it only makes sense to want to be within walking distance of the school, as the bus passes (which are rising regularly!) are possibly too much for her budget to handle.

Is it really that difficult for you to comprehend judy?

I can understand the OP not wanting to or not being able to take the bus (if that's the case), as DS1 doesn't do well on the bus. Thankfully the DCs grandmother bought a car for me a few years ago as she realised how difficult it was to get both DCs out and about, especially with DS1's wheelchair.

If we're going to get down to brass tacks about it all, I'd say that's nice that it works for you judy but obviously the OP needs a slightly different set up. Again, surely it's not that difficult to understand that these things are not a "one size fits all" situation?

As for you demanding why she can't sleep on a sofa bed, well to ya. It wouldn't work for me either, but I don't see why I would need to justify it to you. You'd just repeat the whole "well, I can do it, why can't you?" nonsense.

because needs must! whem desperate dont demand.

Judgewhateveryourface is how fucking dare you foist your bitterness on someone else?

Just because things are shit for you they should be worse for others?

Fuck that.

because needs must! whem desperate dont demand.

So even though the situation will be detrimental to her DCs and herself and possibly cause even more hardship, in terms of sleep and finances, she should just do it, simply because it worked for YOU?

Bollocks to that.

Because the law probably states that you don't need to do that either Judgeypantsjudithjudy. And with fecking MPs getting an 11% payrise on top of their two homes, it is shocking what the poorer in society have to put up with in terms of housing.

How can you say your son needs watching 24/7 if you are able to leave him reliably on a regular basis at school/childcare while you work Judy? That's been an unobtainable dream for me for the last 3 years.

I did the sofa bed bit till my son was 9 then moved 500 miles. One of my key reasons for moving was that social services flat out refused to help me source a spiral stair gate for my 6 stone son that would have made his sleepwalking less of a risk. It was a serious accident waiting to happen and as a parent my first responsibility is to keep him safe. Got a bedroom for myself now but lost all the informal help from neighbours/friends/family that can make life with a SN child bearable at times. Swings and roundabouts.

I am very worried about the saftey risks inherent in your average council funded B&B in regards to the OP's child and we need to help her avoid that situation at all costs.

All you can do is your best with the resources and skills you have to hand as a parent. If it helps you any Judy "The Shaw Trust" is a charity I came into contact with back in the days when I could work who have some fantastic post school training and employment opportunities for those on the spectrum & the charity "ambitious about autism" has just opened a college for those aged 16-25.

We all have to be careful that our mutual sleep deprivation doesn't mean we take stuff out on each other that should be directed at those PAID good taxpayers money to help our children.

Surely you would be better off working? That way you have an income, more landlords will let to you and you will have more of a say in where you want to live as you will be paying for it. There is help with childcare costs.

Not sure why only the ex is getting slated for not paying for his childs upkeep as neither is the OP.

If you are not prepared to work then it will mean less choices house wise but if somebody else is paying then they set the rules.

Happymumofone - I'll lend you my DS for a fortnight lol! Working remains an unobtainable dream for many parents of kids with disabilities. I worked from when my son was 6 weeks old (cos I had a pathological aversion to depending on the state) until he could no longer cope with an education system that has no appropriate provision for children like him.

Getting absent parents to do/pay their fair share is the stuff of mythology. If they don't want to, then the political will just isn't there to force them to do so, and hasn't been for decades. It's the single "ishoo" I'd change in an instant if someone would be so kind as to make me this nation's dictator.

Surely you would be better off working? That way you have an income, more landlords will let to you and you will have more of a say in where you want to live as you will be paying for it. There is help with childcare costs.

You realise of course, that it's just not as easy as "oh okay, I'll just work." Finding appropriate and safe childcare for a child with disabilities is difficult and expensive. That also means finding a job that is okay with specific hours, time off for emergencies with little notice, time off for numerous appointments with various medical specialists, and an employee that would be (in my case) a red-eyed zombie during the day, as DS1 is up frequently during the night (which means I'm up frequently during the night - note I had less than 2 hours of sleep last night as DS1 barely slept a total of 3 hrs last night).

i am far from bitter - i make it work. had the op come on here & demanded a 3 bed house OR a house near the school but to demand both is simply being entitled. seriously does op think they can magic one up? houses near schools are like hens teeth privately owned/rented let alone the council giving her one. the dla she recieves should cover any paid care she needs to look after sn child whilst she bikes/walks/buses other dc. thats why she gets it! i pay £100 pcm for my sn ds childcare to transport other dc. why should op have the money & not use it for its there for? confused!

Not prepared to work happy mum? You are very naive, parents of disabled children are carers . That is a full time "job"

judy perhaps her child's expenses are higher than yours and she doesn't have the money to spare. You are lucky in that yours are covered by what he receives in DLA. Some of us are not that lucky.

I would have expected more understanding from someone who has a child with a disability. How disappointing.

Judge as a mother of a disabled child yourself I am struggling to understand why you are being so nasty to the op.

i do understand how hard it is but im annoyed that op wont accept a two bed council house - she is demanding not only a 3 bed BUT in walking distance of the school - no ifs or buts. no compromise. im afraid i just cant comprehend such demands on free housing - theyre somany dc with sen that should the council only house sn dc within walking distance of the school? i make my situation work & have & would never dream of making such demands. only sleep 5 hours but he is my child & why should i be given a bigger house next to the school? to me, op should accept whatever is given to her & be thankful she lives in the UK & has access to things such as a free house & help with money such as dla. im so grateful to the state for assisting me that such demands make me feel op is being entitled.

What Triggles said. I'd love to work but it's not that bloody easy.

Oh and Judge - I've got a four bed as we need it got safety reasons. Suck on that.

Not every person that has a child with disabilities needs to be within walking distance of their school. Don't be ridiculous. The OP, for obvious reasons that she has already stated, DOES need this. I don't, as I have transportation available to me. You don't, as you are able to use the bus. See how that works? Different people have different needs. Again, this is not rocket science, surely.

Yes, you make your situation work. But (and I'll repeat this again, as it's obviously not getting through) IT WON'T WORK FOR THE OP!!! Is it really that hard for you to grasp??

I'm so tired of people saying "take what you're given and be grateful/thankful." You know what? If people did that, we've never have wheelchair places on the buses, or DLA, or statements for children in schools that need them, or loads of other things.

The OP NEEDS specific things in order to make sure she can care for her DCs as well as get them to school reliably (which she needs to do, so obviously it needs to be within her means to do so) and keep them safe. Is it really necessary to tear her down and be so nasty simply because her DC has different needs than yours?

judy that was uncalled for. You don't know Gobby's personal situation (neither do I) but you seem to assume that people who don't work CHOOSE not to work. That's just not true. I enjoyed my work when I was able to, however, at the moment it's simply not possible.

excuse me - it was gobby that was showing off & telling me to suck on it lol! im trying to also say that the council cant magic up a 3 bed house near the school so op should accept whatever given until a house becomes free. or should they throw someone out for her? houses near schools are near on impossible to get. op wants a 3 bed house near the school & wants one now so she can set up a home but it doesnt always work like that. if op had said anywhere in her posts that there was any compromise i would agree with her but we cant all have what we want immediately im afraid. good luck op - hope you get what you want in a reasonable time frame :-)

No, if the OP accepts a 2 bedroom, chances are good she will never get moved into a 3 bedroom. Her needs are for a 3 bedroom, and it's documented by medical professionals. If she accepts a 2 bedroom, she will negate that documentation and they will not then allow her to move into a 3 bedroom in the future, as they will then say "you accepted a 2 bedroom, so obviously a 2 bedroom is okay for you."

Also, the OP is required to get her DCs to school. If she cannot drive and perhaps cannot afford regular bus fare, then it only stands to reason that she needs a place within walking distance from the school. Again, that's really not demanding as much as it is simply realistic.

How much worse off would she be if she accepted somewhere not within walking distance and then was unable to get her children in to school?

I definitely would be better off working but it's not possible right now as I have no childcare & as I work as a chef would need childcare late nights & weekends - couple that with the fact I make not much more than min wage & specialist childcare is £2 an hour more than I earn it isn't doable :/

I do use a bus to get the DC's to school but there is only one bus that runs once an hour and the bus times are not compatible with the school times - have done a whole other thread about this issue!

Judgejudgey, I can sleep on a sofa bed, have already said I would take a 2 bed which you would know if you read the thread & paid attention to the answers but still can't get a 2 bed - if you assume there are 1000 people on each band of the council list then there are potentially 4000 people who will be offered a place before me. Not sure where you are getting the idea that I have been offered a place & turned it down because I haven't!

im annoyed that op wont accept a two bed council house
judgejudithjudy you seem to be under the impression she's been offered this - she hasn't been offered anything, or did you not read that part?

You do realise that she hasn't been offered a 2-bed don't you? And that she wanted to stay near the school but has given up on that?