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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not know what to do next RE housing situation?

137 replies

extremepie · 06/12/2013 19:22

Bit of background, me & DH split up recently meaning I have had to give up my job due to childcare difficulties.

We actually got given notice to quit on our current rented house in June because our 6 month contract had expired and they didn't want to renew as they are elderly and want to sell the house.

There was a property we were due to move in to that is owned by a former friend but it needed quite major renovations so landlords agreed to let us stay until it was ready. Unfortunately at the last minute friend changed her mind (after me & DH split) & said we could no longer have the house.

I have been looking for a private rented place since September with no luck, the issues are as follows:

I don't drive & wanted to stay close to DS' school - I have relaxed this a bit to include anywhere in a certain area that is close to any school as so few have come up in the area I wanted!

I am receiving HB (LHA) but do not have a guarentor so 80% of agencies & private rentals will not touch me with a barge pole.

I am on the council lisg for a property. I have 2 boys so the council say I only need 2 beds but DS2 has ASD and quite severe sleep issues which impact heavily on DS1 if they share a room so we have had a social worker & paediatrician write letters recommending DS2 have his own room to minimise the disturbance but the council have only given us the option to bid on 2 bed houses.

We are on band e so have virtually no hope of getting a couple place any time soon anyway!

I have found a property that looks perfect & may actually possibly take us on with our circumstances but I have been told because there is a £150 a month difference between the HB we get & the rent on the house the council will not help us move into it (with the rent deposit scheme) because it is too expensive & we need to look for somewhere cheaper.

It's driving me mad & I don't know what to do next! It's a bloody miracle I managed to find the one I did & now they are saying they won't help so what's my next option? Sit & wait to get evicted & then stuck in a hostel or temporary accommodation until we can get housed?

No clue where to go next :(

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 07/12/2013 20:21

Dontletthem Maybe she is saving it for her son's future health/disability needs BUT the forms aren't asking about what the person needs in the future. It's about your day to day needs.

Ragusa · 07/12/2013 20:45

Judgejudithjudy are you sure you recieve lower rate DLA for your son? because that isn't paid at £290 PCM.

Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 20:51

Not now I don't want to stay here until I'm evicted but I currently have no choice! The council won't help me at the moment and I can't find anywhere private to take me! I don't want to be in this situation, hence why I am asking for advice!

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 20:56

It costs in the region of £500 to put oil in the tank as most companies won't sell less than a certain amount & I never have that amount of money in one go & I can't save it because I need it on a day to day basis.

Ds gets high rate care & low rate mobility, all of which gets spent by the time I get the next lot - mostly on transport to & from school & on electric which is vastly expensive since I have a v.large old house with v.high ceilings & only 4 small heaters to keep us warm!

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 20:59

Btw judgejudith I do have to pay some rent - there is a shortfall of almost £300 a month between what my HB is & what my rent is.

OP posts:
ShylaMcClaus · 07/12/2013 21:02

It certainly isn't Ragusa.

OP doesn't sound entitled at all!

Ragusa · 07/12/2013 21:05

Seriously, go back to the LA and ask them to reassess you, or reconsider your situation in light of the new Regulations having being brought into force last week. That should mean you get an extra bedroom, which at the least would mean you could look at 3 bed private rentals as well, giving you a slightly wider field of potential properties.

Here is the guidance to LAs about the new regs. Look under "definition of a disabled child who needs their own bedroom". I find it hard to believe your DS would not meet the criteria.

ShylaMcClaus · 07/12/2013 21:09

I also seem to remember some advice on here about that, and it is to protect the right to undisturbed sleep for siblings rather than the disabled child needing their own room.

Ragusa · 07/12/2013 21:13

Absolutely Shyla. Guidance says as much.

ShylaMcClaus · 07/12/2013 21:19

Having read it Blush yes, it is very clear. And sensible.

My child is currently using his nightly awake times to try to wake his older sibling even though they are in separate rooms. It is so, so hard.

Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 21:22

That is exactly why I would prefer to have a separate bedroom for DS2 - he jumps up and down on the beds (his & his brothers), screams & sings, turns his tv on full blast, slams his door open & shut, etc not to mention any nappy changes he may need. Not really fair on his brother :( Especially not when he gets older & may be studying for exams and such :/

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 07/12/2013 21:24

I don't think it is very nice to stay in the property until you are evicted. This will take a while and stop the landlord progressing with their sale. It is selfish.

That drip drip dripping you hear? It's the sound of my heart bleeding for the poor diddumsy landlords who can't just chuck tenants out on the street the second they get bored of taking hundreds of pounds off of them a month for doing absolute fuck all. Pfft.

Ragusa · 07/12/2013 21:24

It must be hard for your older child Sad. Is he old enough for wax earplugs? They are fabulous.

Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 21:25

Any yes Shyla, even having separate bedrooms doesn't totally stop him from doing it but it does make it much easier, he tends to try & climb into bed with his brother too when they are in the same room, they end up sleeping all squashed & don't look comfortable!

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 21:28

Hmm, he is 6 so maybe Ragusa, might get some for myself too :D

OP posts:
ShylaMcClaus · 07/12/2013 21:30

Sounds just like mine, OP. He calls them "sleepovers" Hmm

I really hope you get a good outcome soon Thanks

insanityscatching · 07/12/2013 21:35

If you get the support of Social Services you will be catpulted up the housing list for a council home.Social Services support is the only real influence with the council as they pay little more than lip service to health professionals and Shelter.

Original poster
extremepie · 07/12/2013 21:39

We've already had a supporting letter written by a social worker, didn't seem to make much difference :/ In the process of getting a supporting letter from the doctor as Ds has been prescribed medication (which doesn't help!) so maybe that will help? Thank you though :)

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 07/12/2013 21:40

I'm sorry i haven't read all responses. All councils are different re. Demand on housing. In order to make a homeless application you have to be threatened with homelessness within 28 days. For some councils this will be 28 days to your (valid) notice expiring. Others, it will be once your landlord has applied to court and got as far as a bailiff warrant. If you are band E (assume A is highest) then i can't imagine they have assessed you as homeless or threatened. Agree re contacting shelter for advice.

Can you afford the private rent? If you can, write down all income and outgoings and go back to the rent deposit scheme.

bluecheeseforbreakfast · 07/12/2013 22:48

The child is disabled and you find that odd that they should have their own room?

I find it odd that the disabled child, the non disabled child and the mother all need separate rooms. Surely the the disabled child is awake and jumping on beds they need to be supervised so the parent would be awake anyway?

Ragusa · 07/12/2013 23:06

Hell, why not just manage with no bedrooms at all, if everyone's awake all the time either jumping on beds, supervising, or being woken up Hmm. Unnecessary expense, all those beds, I say.

Are you serious, bluecheese?

Original poster
extremepie · 08/12/2013 09:29

So am I supposed to stay awake 24/7 bluecheese? When I do eventually pass our from exhaustion I can just sleep on the floor I guess :D

In an ideal world I would like to put some sensory equipment in Ds2's bedroom, but what is calming & soothing for a hypo stimulated ASD child is not really conducive to sleep for his NT brother :/

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 08/12/2013 10:35

Those people who are wondering if the OP's child with ASD really needs a bedroom clearly has no idea. Really, OP you don't need to defend yourself to those insane comments.

Trigglesx · 08/12/2013 10:39

First of all, if she vacates her current property prior to being evicted, she will be making herself intentionally homeless, thus removing the council from any responsibility to find housing for her. So yes, actually, she does need to stay where she is at present time.

Living with a child with ADHD/ASD is no picnic. My DS1 is 7yo and receiving DLA for those disabilities as well as a couple others. We live in a council property, 3 bedroom, and are on HB. DS1 cannot sleep in the same bedroom as DS2. Not only is it unsafe, as he has cognitive and behavioural problems, but DS2 (4yo and in reception) would literally never get any sleep.

For example, DS1 was only sleeping about 3 hours last night. That's over the whole night. That's AFTER having a healthy dose of melatonin to get him to sleep (otherwise he would literally be up all night). He's running a fever at the moment. So he spent half the night screaming and shouting because he felt ill and didn't understand why and the rest of the night throwing things and hiding under his bed and trying to climb furniture in a protest because he didn't want to take medication that would bring his fever down. As it is, he woke up DS2 a few times, but I was able to close DS2's bedroom door so the noise was at least muffled. If they were in the same bedroom, DS2 would have gotten barely any sleep all night.

This is fairly standard for DS1. He is up routinely 3-4 times per night, minimum, and up for the day at 5am, regardless of what time he goes to sleep. If he was up during the middle of the night and DS2 upset him in some way, he wouldn't even think twice about throwing something at him or hitting him - and he doesn't understand that it might injure his brother. So for safety reasons as well, they are not in the same room. This has all been noted and sent in a letter to our council, who have waived the "bedroom tax" so I do not pay the additional amount for the 3rd bedroom.

For those that are saying "why doesn't child with disabilities stay in one room and mum sleep in other room with other child," that may work temporarily, but when the child gets older (especially if it's a boy) it's going to be difficult. And sleeping out in the living room on a sleeper sofa? Yep, been there, done that, when DD moved back in with us temporarily so that there was enough room for everyone. But again, it's not a permanent solution.

Regarding DLA - some people have some left over each month to put aside for the child. Fine and dandy. Lucky them. Some of us don't. The regular costs and various expenses for DS1 go over what I receive in DLA every month. I'm not complaining, I'm glad we have the DLA coming in to help with the expenses, but neither is it "free money" to fritter away, as some people seem to think.

BlousyMumsyTwat · 08/12/2013 10:47

OP, with reference to an earlier question - my council most definitely do take into account lack of heat/water/sanitation - however they're not as hard-pressed as some councils.