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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my Mother is being unreasonable?

79 replies

BunnyLebowski · 05/12/2013 21:26

DP and I are selective about answering the landline phone. We both see an incoming phone call as an invitation to talk rather than an obligation to iyswim.

My darling mother has quite the opposite view Hmm .

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and feeling very tired, DP is working long and busy days. We have DD and a demented puppy to keep us occupied every evening! Tonight I just wanted to have a bath and watch Masterchef with DP in peace (watch TV with DP NOT bath with DP) once bedtime had been done.

She has just phoned FIVE times in half an hour!!!

I know she would ring my mobile if it were an emergency. It would have to be an emergency as she is tight and refuses to ring mobiles as a rule. She didn't. And she didn't text either. Just 5 shrill, demanding, attention seeking phone calls till it rang out.

AIBU to think she should have stopped ringing after one and maybe two phone calls??

Rant over. And breathe.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 05/12/2013 21:28

I hate the landline-I hardly ever answer it. Caller Display is a wonderful thing. 5 times is a bit excessive-what did she actually want?

Justforlaughs · 05/12/2013 21:30

I'd probably ask DP to send a text saying that you in the bath so bugger off Wink, already in bed

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 05/12/2013 21:31

Nothing!

She text me afterwards being very sarcastic saying it could have been an emergency.

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 05/12/2013 21:31

Nothing wrong with taking a bath with DP either Grin

Justforlaughs · 05/12/2013 21:33

Text her back saying that you are very sorry but you and DP were having sex and you didn't want to stop Wink

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 05/12/2013 21:33

Nah Just he's too big! I'd be displaced Grin .

He has just brought me a cup of tea in bed though. Destressing now!

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 05/12/2013 21:34

Do you have an answering machine? Get one. She can then leave a message and you can pick up if it sounds important/interesting.

peppinagiro · 05/12/2013 21:35

YANBU. I hate the landline too. So I got rid of it, and taught elderly relatives to prank my mobile so i'd know they wanted to speak, but it didn't cost me. With a 5mo I'm never going to be able to answer the phone there and then anyway.

But YWBU to not unplug the phone Wink

MintyChops · 05/12/2013 21:35

My mum is the same, it's infuriating and it doesn't matter what I say she keeps doing it. I feel your pain!

peppinagiro · 05/12/2013 21:36

*but it didn't cost them, I meant to put

Mrswellyboot · 05/12/2013 21:39

I am ashamed to say my mother doesn't have my landline number for this very reason. I am selfish but that is that. I ring her everyday, she has my mobile. She doesn't have a door key either.

Also have a friend who hounds the phone. She said of I hadn't answered this time she would ring my mother ... Leave me alone !! Grrrr....

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 05/12/2013 21:41

She's just rung again Shock Angry .

There's no way I'm getting out of bed to answer it! I spoke to her 2 days ago for over an hour!

Honestly she expects everyone to dance to her tune all the time. After 33 years it's getting pretty damn tiring Sad .

OP posts:
Holdthepage · 05/12/2013 21:45

Really, answering the phone is too much trouble? You live & learn, I had no idea.

Mrswellyboot · 05/12/2013 21:45

Join the club. Mine gets a mysterious illness whenever there is a special occasion. Big drama everyday over something. Chill out and talk Tom .. Night night

Original poster
BunnyLebowski · 05/12/2013 21:48

It is Hold. Sometimes it is a pain in the arse.

I want to talk to people when I decide I want to talk to them, not when they do. I answer the phone most nights and talk to her frequently.

Tonight I wanted some peace and quiet in my own home. I don't feel bad for that at all.

OP posts:
BadgersNadgers · 05/12/2013 21:49

I've switched off the answer machine because mine does this and leaves inane messages. She only ever phones to invite herself up at inconvenient times or tell me about sick and dying friends of hers whom I have either never met or met but not seen for twenty odd years. And if I don't answer the phone she gets my Dad to email me the fucking obituaries!

amazingness · 05/12/2013 21:51

Yanbu mine is the same, except it used to ring up to 32 times. It was never an emergency. No idea why they do it. For mine it was boredom/control/interfering behaviour bordering on stalking! (I told her once that it now costs money to let the phone ring so many times & that seemed to make it stop)

WeAreSix · 05/12/2013 21:53

If you don't want to answer the phone, or don't want to hear it ringing meaning it disturbs your evening, why not switch the ringer off or unplug it?

My DM always phones when my light-sleeping toddler is having her morning nap. I was getting annoyed with it so just turn the ringer off while she's asleep - problem solved.

gamerchick · 05/12/2013 21:57

Take it off the hook. It'll drive her nuts.

Ememem84 · 05/12/2013 22:04

I have a rule. No contact Mondays. Dh & I do our own thing. And we are not to be disturbed. Family knows this. Friends know this. Work know this. Sometimes we are both in together. Sometimes not. Sometimes we are in but he plays xbox and I do something else. We are quiet and alone but together once a week. This week I had a bath read some book sorted out my eyebrows and did a pedicure. The world didn't end because I didn't pick up the phone. It's nice. I think you should start enforcing it x

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 05/12/2013 22:46

Em! Great idea but unenforceable with 4 DCs under 7.

Flibbedyjibbet · 05/12/2013 23:00

I feel really sorry for you that your Mother is obviously a pain in the arse to you.

I adore my Mum and mostly speak to her twice a day (she lives by herself so I like to check in on her and if she's had a quiet day then ensure she has a little chat with someone). I couldn't and wouldn't go 2 days without speaking to her and pray that when my daughters are older I'm someone they want to pick up the phone for.

pigsDOfly · 05/12/2013 23:25

Wouldn't it be kinder to her and less stressful for you to pick up the phone and say something along of the lines of 'I'm really busy at the moment Mum, but I'll ring you tomorrow at x'. Then say a friendly goodbye and put the phone down.

Then when you ring her the next day at the pre arranged, convenient time, you can be in control of the amount of time you talk and when you've had enough just tell her you have to go because you have to do x, y or z.

It sounds as if your mother is a pita to you, which is a shame for both of you. If there are times in the day when it's not convenient for you to talk to her tell her. Perhaps you should state what you want rather than being passive aggressive with her.

crabb · 06/12/2013 00:04

I had to snurk at the sequence above:

^Text her back saying that you are very sorry but you and DP were having sex and you didn't want to stop

Nah Just he's too big! I'd be displaced^

maras2 · 06/12/2013 02:25

Best thing that we ever did was to get rid of the landline 5 years ago.We're quids in and don't have the stress of all the above.

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