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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my Mother is being unreasonable?

79 replies

BunnyLebowski · 05/12/2013 21:26

DP and I are selective about answering the landline phone. We both see an incoming phone call as an invitation to talk rather than an obligation to iyswim.

My darling mother has quite the opposite view Hmm .

I'm 6 weeks pregnant and feeling very tired, DP is working long and busy days. We have DD and a demented puppy to keep us occupied every evening! Tonight I just wanted to have a bath and watch Masterchef with DP in peace (watch TV with DP NOT bath with DP) once bedtime had been done.

She has just phoned FIVE times in half an hour!!!

I know she would ring my mobile if it were an emergency. It would have to be an emergency as she is tight and refuses to ring mobiles as a rule. She didn't. And she didn't text either. Just 5 shrill, demanding, attention seeking phone calls till it rang out.

AIBU to think she should have stopped ringing after one and maybe two phone calls??

Rant over. And breathe.

OP posts:
DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 06/12/2013 21:34

Ah well you sound like a very nice and patient person juice! I've cut people like that out of my life for my own sanity!

deakymom · 06/12/2013 23:23

ive cut off my landline because of this my MIL rings it and hubby says we are busy is it important? and she goes on to tell him she is back off holiday (we didnt know she had gone) or she has bought a new toy for her husband a new car a pay rise her best friend has rang her to say her other friends daughters friend baby is walking (no ours is not walking yet) etc etc one day he answered the phone and she began talking about nothing and no one as per usual he asked her why she was ringing at tea time to twitter about people he has no interest in doesnt even know or hates with a passion?..........she doesnt ring so often now

FracturedViewOfLife · 06/12/2013 23:38

We got rid of the house phone years ago. It's so peaceful.

Canthaveitall · 06/12/2013 23:53

My mother does this. It drives me potty. No words of wisdom , just sympathy.

Ninehoursahead · 07/12/2013 10:05

My mum does this too!
She calls at 7.15 every time too, which is the exact time we put the kids to bed. One night she called 3 times on the landline, then twice on Skype (we are overseas) then called my mobile and DH's. I answered DH's phone, because it was obviously an emergency, right? She was calling to tell me about something totally random!
There is no confusion on time zones, she just doesn't think! Drives me crazy.

harryhausen · 07/12/2013 10:19

This is why I love the fact that my parents do Facebook and will easily send a pm via there. I talk to my mum about once every 3 weeks, and she never phones at night. I would actually find that hard.

My MIL on the other hand won't even ring a mobile. She's so bloody depressing when she rings that DH avoids talking to her, which makes her worse. When we visit, he wishes we could just send a quick text or fb message to say we're on our way - rather than a half hour miserable conversation.

Joysmum · 07/12/2013 10:49

People aren't mind readers. If they ring and you don't answer they probably assume you are out and will ring periodically to get you when you come home.

I'd start training her by picking up and saying you'll call tomorrow as you would love a long chat and you're rushed today.

If you've not tried that then move to unplugging the phone and getting pissed off at the continually attempts to call, but for me, I know I call people as and when I think of them and have time and a missed window of opportunity means I might not be able to do do again for days so if I can't leave a message then I'd keep trying too because I'm not a mind reader either.

friday16 · 07/12/2013 11:16

People aren't mind readers. If they ring and you don't answer they probably assume you are out and will ring periodically to get you when you come home.

Well, they might, if they happen to be calling the last people left who live in a cave and don't have an answering machine or voicemail. Leave a message. We'll call you back. End of.

Lazysuzanne · 07/12/2013 11:27

I'm never up for an impromptu chat!
With my daughter who lives at the other end of the country I'll ask by email if she's free for a Skype call in the next week or so.

I really only receive phone calls by appointment if someone phones without one I tend to reply by email the next day.

HavantGuard · 07/12/2013 11:32

MIL does this. The landline will ring out, then ten minutes later it will ring again. Then DH's mobile will ring. Twice. Then mine starts. Each one of the phones has an answerphone and she leaves a message before moving on to call the next number. Her latest was 6 calls in an hour to tell us she was baking.

I'd switch off the ringer on the phone.

TidyDancer · 07/12/2013 11:41

I think rather than being rude in return, a previous posters suggestion of just answering and saying "sorry, can't talk right now, but will call you back in a bit/tomorrow (etc)" would be kinder.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 07/12/2013 11:44

Some people, once you've answered, just won't let you get off the phone though. Whether it's a guilt trip or just blatant insistence at carrying on the conversation.

I really dislike this thing we're supposed to be contactable at all times. I love technology but people can't have peace anymore.

HeadfirstThroughTheTimeVortex · 07/12/2013 11:46

If she texted you then she has a mobile? I would have sent a text back saying "Sorry for not answering but I'm in bed, call you tomorrow" then ignore. Set your house phone to silent/unplug it/take it off the hook when you want to relax for the evening.

HavantGuard · 07/12/2013 11:52

I've sat there while my MIL skyped her DD. Her DD explained that her child was out playing in the park with his dad and wouldn't be back for about 20 minutes and MIL could call back then. SIL explained how this was her only chance to get done the building list of chores she had as her 2 year old was out of the way. MIL talked at her for 25 minutes, including long awkward silences, until the little one arrived back.

friday16 · 07/12/2013 12:09

Some people, once you've answered, just won't let you get off the phone though.

What stops you simply saying "good bye, I need to go" and hanging up? Of just hanging up?

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 07/12/2013 12:11

friday then you get the 'you've hung up on me', which is inherently worse. I think it's ruder to cut someone off and hang up on them rather than just not answer.

friday16 · 07/12/2013 12:11

MIL talked at her for 25 minutes, including long awkward silences, until the little one arrived back.

Again, why didn't your sister-in-law simply hang up?

friday16 · 07/12/2013 12:12

I think it's ruder to cut someone off and hang up on them rather than just not answer.

It is. But then, if people don't hear "I'm sorry, I need to get on" then what else can you do?

Selfish people are able to be selfish because other people are nervous of being thought rude. It's how they win.

Lazysuzanne · 07/12/2013 12:27

Can these phone pest types not be encouraged to email with all their news instead?

DorrisM · 07/12/2013 12:33

My MIL leaves a long winded message on the ansaphone and then sends me a text to tell me she's left a message. If I leave her a message when she calls back she'll apologies for not being at home when I called.

I just don't get it.

ipswichwitch · 07/12/2013 12:55

I don't answer the phone if its inconvenient. If it is an emergency then I would expect a text as well but what I truly despise is the "can u call me" texts I used to get off my brother which would make me think oh god what's happened, and always turned out to be nothing of any significance.
I think too many people now believe that simply because communications are easier - with mobiles/Internet/Skype/etc that means you must be at their beck and call 24/7. It may seem antisocial to some but I need some time and headspace to myself every once in a while. That means dealing with nothing that's not an emergency, which certain family members don't respect.

Also, I'm pregnant and due any day now (so my tolerance is at an all time low), and if I get one more phone call along the lines of "anything happened yet" I will scream and throw all the phones out the window. People will be informed as soon as there's anything to tell, but for now i want to be left in peace.

Jinty64 · 07/12/2013 12:58

I want to talk to people when I decide I want to talk to them, not when they do

My Mum used to phone at 9 every night. Sometimes she would be a little bit early and I would miss the last 5 minutes of whatever I had been watching. Sometimes, we would have been out at something and I would be trying to put the dc's to bed. Sometimes I would sigh, feel irritated, be tempted to leave it and call her back later.

One night the phone didn't ring. I would give so much for just one more call. Watch what you wish for.

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/12/2013 13:21

This gives me the rage,I've got someone who if you don't answer will redial straight away and leave it ringing constantly until the phone cuts itself off, once rand my phone constantly for over 2 hours with only seconds between calls.

If I ever do answer I get interrogated as to what I was doing and why I didn't answer.

If I was not so snobby about prison food I would shoot them.

Rumplestinkskin · 07/12/2013 13:25

Another vote for turning the ringer off. But then my MIL took to ringing through the night when DD was a newborn as 'we'd be up anyway'. More than once we got up in the morning to half a dozen messages ;)

Ephiny · 07/12/2013 17:37

You can just say 'I need to go, goodbye', but then the kind of person who'd do this incessant calling in the first place (and try to keep you on the phone when you clearly don't want to talk) is probably also the kind of person who'd immediately ring back and demand to know why you hung up, when you're going to be free etc.

There's no perfect solution, but sometimes it's easier just to turn your phone off or whatever, and just not engage with rude and intrusive people like this.