To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

[KarenOfArc64]

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

[MrsWobble]

This happened to me. I was going to be Mary at the age of 6 but then another girl got very upset because she wanted to be Mary so the teacher said she could be and told me she was sure I wouldn't mInd. I did - terribly. And still do and I'm now 48! So please fight for your daughter. I never told my mother I was upset - the teacher scared me into keeping quiet. It's funny how strong some memories can be.

[Whatisaweekend]

Ooh empty that's good!

And I think stanleylambchop is on the money with the reply to the other mum.

[WandaDoff]

Good email, please do send it.

[cjel]

I think I would make the major complaint about the play not the coach, maybe putting them the other way around so the play is the thing she needs to deal with, and actually ask the HT to reinstate her.x

[KarenOfArc64]

Reported. I probably should have made more of a thing of the trip thing in hindsight :( dd has just come downstairs to tell me she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow, which is very unlike her. These things matter aged 6!

[MerryMarigold]

oooh yes, empty chair. Now that's what I'm talking about. You do NOT mess with the tone in that letter. It's concise and to the point, but includes everything. Brilliant.

[ratbagcatbag]

How awful, I'd make life as difficult as possible for them, refuse ti allow her to be involved so they have to make other arrangements for her. Go and sit in the ht office tomorrow after school for a response.

I'm fuming on your behalf. Your poor dd :(

[RibenaFiend]

OOOH empty. VERY good email.

Please please please fight for your DD. The quiet ones who are told that they "don't mind" are no less important than the vocal with pushy gobshite parents

OP. Is your DD's teacher by any chance new/young/incompetent?

[MerryMarigold]

ratbagcatbag, your post just reminded me of "I'm fumming" !!! I will go to bed with a smile on my face now.

[PointyChristmasFairyWand]

Great email, empty. As someone who is the Queen of Letters of Complaint in my family, I salute you with cake .

I'd definitely be refusing to leave the school tomorrow until the HT sees you, OP. I'd bring a book, a snack and a drink and ostentatiously settle in for the long haul.

[Justforlaughs]

Can you go in, in the morning Empty? I'd stage a sit in all day, the head teacher must be around at some point.

[hwjm1945]

Go for it.my DD2 is a quiet type at school and we had real problem with a teacher who tended to ignore or almost belittle her.I made it clear that this was unacceptable and that I had her in my sights,as an idle,judgmental,incompetent,no more trouble after that.remember you stand between your six year old and a weak and unprofessional teacher's whims.do not let it happen,make your daughter aware that you are behind her all the way and that you are a force to be reckoned with!

[paneer]

just read through this. am furious for you and your dd.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

This is awful. Both incidents! How on earth is it ok to upset one child but not another? (I would suspect that its more about that particular parent being scarier than you are!)

Empty's email is great. Is it worth adding specifically to 'left without a partner' re the coach trip that she was seated alone according to her teacher's instructions and seating plan. It wasn't as if she just ended up alone by accident!

[MidniteScribbler]

Who does up a seating plan for a bus trip? Seriously, as a teacher, I have far more to worry about when planning excursions than who someone is sitting next to on the bus. Get on, find a seat, stay in it for the duration of the journey and try not to annoy me too much with your rendition of 999,999 bottles of beer on the wall is about the extent of my planning that portion of the day.

[JewelFairies]

Please kick up a stink about this. It is totally unacceptable and I'm livid. ( my dd is also 6 and this kind of thing would destroy what little confidence she has)

[Millenniumbug1]

I would also make a comment about inclusion, developing fairness & trust and the need to encourage positive feelings about school. Email to the head & chair of governors; I wouldn't deal with this teacher again, go straight to the top. Good luck

[Cutiecat]

This happened to me 35 years ago and I still remember it. Stand up for your child. I wish my mother had stood up for me. I remember the teacher telling me, "You don't mind do you" and being too nice to have said "Yes actually I do".

Before you all start jumping down my throat I have got over this!!

[LaVitaBellissima]

Good luck, your poor DD

[emptychair]

Thanks for the kind words about my email . It's just a case of removing the emotion. :)

OP, I would agree with Rumble's thoughts on mentioning the teacher's seating plan. I would thus make the last paragraph

I am also concerned at the lack of response to another query I had a few weeks ago regarding DD’s school trip where she was left without a partner on both the outward and return journey. This was due to Mrs X's seating instructions and thus led to DD feeling upset and isolated. I have not been made aware of any behaviour issues which may have necessitated this. I emailed Mrs X at the time and received no reply.

I'm a teacher too (infants) and no only would I never do this to a child, when it comes to trips, it's about all I can do care about to get 30 children on the coach and then off again. I couldn't give a flying fig who they sit next to when on it! lol

[EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo]

Oh I have just seen this, poor DD :( your email was good, I hope there is something sorted out for her, just too heart breaking for her.

[DrankSangriaInThePark]

Why can't the other kid just be stuck in a white costume and a bit of tinsel and be an ordinary angel anyway!

Excellent emails! As time is short, I would also not run the risk of them all turning round and saying it's too late to change now though, and I would print it out and take it in. And slap it down on the HT's desk and wait drumming my fingers loudly while she sorted it.

(We can have a busload of MNers with placards ready within the hour....)

[Morgause]

Making my placard now.

There has to have been a better way to have dealt with the unfairness to the other child.

[vvviola]

Oh goodness, your poor DD. My DD1 is the same age and was repeatedly removed and reinstated for a speaking part in her school play in July (NZ school year is different). In DD's case it was because she did a lovely job in the classroom but every time the practiced on stage she froze. And even though she understood perfectly why she was demoted it still plays on her mind and gets mentioned occasionally. I hate to think how she would have taken something like this.

I second the suggestion of printing off and handing directly to the HT if you can (possibly having emailed already also?)

[shewhowines]

Totally unacceptable. Great letter. I'd actually want to speak to the head about this. Do not let it rest.