To think it's not on for DD's teacher to pull her part in the nativity to make room for another child?

[KarenOfArc64]

It's another nativity thread, sorry. DD is year 2 and has one of the "main" parts in the nativity this year. The school organises it with the year 2s taking the main parts and any leftover year 2s in the choir, a select number of the year 1s having a minor part and the majority in the choir, and the reception children split into angels and shepherds. DD was told today that she has been demoted to choir, because another mother has complained her daughter (year 2) is upset at not having a part. Dd was one of the year 1 chosen for a minor part last year and her teacher "knew she wouldn't mind". Had DD been told that from the start I wouldn't have a problem with it, but it seems cruel to pull her part this late in the day. We've had a few other incidents this term in which this teacher doesn't seem to have treated DD completely fairly and DD is now convinced her teacher doesn't like her. AIBU to think this is a bit mean?

[MerryMarigold]

Do update us op.

[EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo]

Hoping there has been some discussion with the ht. Really hoping for a good outcome for your dd.

[EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo]

Hoping there has been some discussion with the ht. Really hoping for a good outcome for your dd.

[ChasedByBees]

That is an outrageous way to treat a child. How sad that she no longer wants to go to school. If raise that with the head too. Hope you get a decent response, so angry at your teacher on your behalf.

[pudcat]

I would not let this rest. Your poor dd. No teacher should do this to a child. How can she bow to the preciousness of another Mum? Ans as for the cheek of the other mum to ask to borrow the costume.... Well I would make sure that all the other mums in the class know. Reply to her request explaining exactly why she cannot have the costume and make sure that the email goes out as a class group email or at least bcc to a few other mums.

[Laura0806]

Really hope this is sorted out, it is very unfair on your dd and I absolutely cannot believe that other mum! i would email her back and explain that your dd is v upset at having her part removed and that it wouldn't be fair to have to see another child wearing her costume!

[absentmindeddooooodles]

Poor dd!

Can't believe the way these people are behaving! Hope it all works out for her.

[feathermucker]

Your poor DD, let us know how it goes. I'd be livid!

[MarthasHarbour]

Marking for update - good luck OP

[poopadoop]

hi OP - I think in the email you should make some reference to school policies - there's bound to be something in there about not being mean to kids!

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I would be awfully tempted to reply to the other mum:

"So - not content with kicking up such a stink at the school that my poor dd had her part in the play taken away from her, you now expect me to hand over her costume as well? Would you like a fucking kidney whilst we are at it? Now, stop bothering me with this nonsense - I need to go and look after my daughter, who is extremely upset by this!!"

[holidaysarenice]

I know its a bit late but I would add, that you consider this to be 'bowing to parental pressure' and further the two speaking parts with 'other children have had the same roles etc,' pointing out that her dd is not being discriminated against.

I would also state the outcome you want. I am happy if other girl does the school play and my dd the show etc. Also dd is unserstandably upset, bewildered and feeling responsible as thought she is being punished. I consider this an unnaceptable position for a 6yr old to be placed in.

[holidaysarenice]

I wouldn't even reply to the other mum. Let her stew.

[intitgrand]

I would be inclined to leave the school trip bit out of it.It detracts from your main complaint and could just make you sound like a moaner.
I would be a lot less wordy with the email.

'DD was given the part of x which she had been practising and was very much looking forward to performing.At the 11th hour another child has been swapped into her part.Please explain why and why my daughters happiness is less important than the oother child's'

A couple of points though

1. Whilst behindthe scenes fighting for your dds rights, I think you need to thjink carefully how you model the handling of disappointment.Life is full of iniquities and part of being a happy successful person is learning resilience.
   2 Please bear in mind it is not the other mothers fault.It is the teachers fault.The mother was annoyed because her kid had missed out on a speaking part twice when others have had 2.I very much doubt she marched up to school and said give Jocasta the part or else.The teacher made that decision.
   I would hand over the costume too.It just makes you look petty,jealous and childish otherwise.You are venting your annoyance on the wrong person!!

[ChameleonCircuit]

Intitgrand - the other mother isn't exactly modelling good behaviour as regards disappointment, is she? "If you don't get what you want, complain until someone else is pushed out so you get what you want"? So in 2016, even if Tom Daley qualifies for Rio, the guy in the next place will get to go because "Tom's already had a turn"? OP's DD was given the part to begin with and should not have had it removed.

Hope KarenofArc is busy staring down a trembling HT

[StoorieHoose]

I wouldn't care if I looked petty, jealous and childish there is NO way the other mum would be getting that costume. I'd wear it myself before her daughter wore it

[EverybodysStressyEyed]

I would give the other mother the costume and charge her £50. Then take dd out for the day on the proceeds!

I don't think you look petty not giving it to her. That mother must lack any form of empathy to even ask!

[lunar1]

I really hope you have got something sorted and have not had to chain your self to the HT's desk in protest. It seems really cruel what the teacher is doing, well done for standing up for your DD. I was bullied by a teacher for years.

[CheeseandPickledOnion]

OMG! That's awful, your poor DD.

[BalloonSlayer]

I might be tempted to ask for an explanation as to why the teacher said that she had taken the part away from your DD because "she knew she wouldn't mind," but when your DH collected her she told him that "she was a bit upset." She clearly knew at this point that DD DID mind, very much.

Agree re the other Mum. She has probably been told "DD and DD's Mum won't mind" and thinks that therefore they won't mind sharing the costume. It probably hasn't even crossed her mind that she is being insensitive. So, I would not reply to the email, and if asked in the playground say something like: "Look, I am sorry, I know this is not your fault, but DD has been really upset by this and I have made a formal complaint about her being given a part, rehearsing for it and then it being given to someone else. So there's no way I am going to give her costume away as well, when she's already so upset at her part being taken away." And watch her squirm.

[AlistairSim]

Poor DD.

[GhostsInSnow]

tbh I think if your DD isn't given her part back or the teacher can't see her way to undoing the shitty mess she had created I wouldn't be taking her to school on the day of the play.

I'd be taking her out for the day to meet santa, go ice skating, have lunch and generally have a fabulous day with you and her Aunt.

[pianodoodle]

I can't believe people actually phone schools to complain about what part their kid got in the nativity why on earth was she humoured?!

Feel so sorry for your daughter also the bit about asking for the costume made me

[EverythingIsTinselyBaubleyBoo]

^^ what Balloon said!

[meditrina]

We don't know what the other mother did - she might simply have had a quiet word along the lines of 'DD's upset, as she didn't get a part either year when some have twice. Is there anything you can do?'. Teacher says 'leave it with me'. Teacher (who is the one fully responsible for this) later tells other mother "I've made some changes, and your DD is now angel". Mother delighted - doesn't know what's actually happened, so asks for costume because she's ad no reason to think anyone is anything other than fine about it.