Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think the Tom Daley thing undermines 'gay rights'?

92 replies

OrangePixie · 04/12/2013 06:36

He seems like a nice man, I like him.

But the fact he feels he has to make a big announcement, which the newspapers all write about and we all say how marvellous he is and congratulate him kind of goes against the idea that being gay or bi is normal.

I think he should have just dropped it into an interview or been papped with no fanfare and adopted a 'so what?' attitude. We haven't come that far if being bisexual is still a talking point.

OP posts:

KepekCrumbs · 04/12/2013 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BIWI · 04/12/2013 06:41

Being gay or bi isn't seen as normal in the sporting world, especially for men.

And I think the poor guy was doing it for himself, to stop the press speculating about him.

ExcuseTypos · 04/12/2013 06:44

I think he's entitled to do whatever he likes.

Maybe he felt more comfortable doing his own video, rather than an interview. And why should he entertain being 'papped'? That would envole a partner, who may not want to be in the press.

He's made a video, said his piece and is now keeping quiet. Good for him I say.

BohemianGirl · 04/12/2013 06:44

How does coming out undermine gay rights?
Surely the right to come out and not be persecuted was what 'gay rights' was/is all about?
He's showing we have an open and diverse culture where yes, actually it is no big deal to announce you are openly gay/bi - unlike a lot of African states for example where you would be facing capital punishment.

bulby · 04/12/2013 06:44

I'm glad someone raised this because I felt exactly the same. My thoughts were 'why is this news?' I appreciate that there is still a massive issue with homophobia and that it must be difficult for some people to come out but surely by making it such big news it is just confirming that it is an issue- it isn't. It feels like we've time travelled backwards 20 yrs and the news is doing a patronising let's pat the brave gay man on the back.

PollyIndia · 04/12/2013 06:49

It's great none of you feel like it's news, but the reality is that if he had been spotted with his boyfriend without coming out, there would have been endless speculation and papers trying to break the story. Good for him to have taken away that power I think.
Are you gay OP? As none of my gay friends think this has 'undermined gay rights'.
People shouldn't have to come out as it shouldn't matter what your sexuality is. But people do as it still does for sme reason.

crispsanddips · 04/12/2013 06:50

I do not think it undermines gay rights at all.

If he came out in an interview, it would still be news. And his whole point of not coming out in an intervoew was so he wouldnt be misquoted. He said his words how he wanted to. Why would he risk being represented wrongly? He says that in the video.

Balaboosta · 04/12/2013 06:55

Yes. I think that's an interesting point.

Bowlersarm · 04/12/2013 06:55

He was right to do what he did, IMO.

If he's been in the relationship since May, it is obviously more than a quick fling, and the way he did it, although newsworthy on the day and a barage of abuse for him on twitter, at least he stopped months of snooping by the press who may have got a whiff of it, and speculation from everyone.

I think he did the right thing, and feel sad his actions are being questioned.

MistressDeeCee · 04/12/2013 06:56

I'm watching BBC at the moment, they've just held up a newspaper with headline Tom's lover is a gay avtivist..& is 20 years older!. It did make me roll my eyes. Sensationalist, patronising and cringy. This country isn't as advanced as people appear to think it is, if crass front page headlines such as that are anything to go by

RiaOverTheRainbow · 04/12/2013 06:58

The more people who come out, particularly celebrities, the easier it is for everyone else. So long as people are 'straight until proven otherwise' you have to either come out or hide your sexuality, there isn't a 'be gay and have no one bat an eyelid' option.

BratinghamPalace · 04/12/2013 06:58

Notice that gay men coming out are treated like women?

2468Motorway · 04/12/2013 07:01

Don't be silly. If it had been discovered it would have been a front page exclusive in a red top. There would have been a lot of nterest by the tabloids. This way he gets to say what he wants.

In his world it is very very unusual to be out. Pretty brave at 19.

Also it's not his responsibility to represent they gay community, just himself.

Thants · 04/12/2013 07:02

He isn't the issue but the fact that newspapers have this story on their front page is homophobic. This shouldn't be shocking! People are gay and it making front page news is crazy. It just shows how far we have to go before it is accepted as normal.

CailinDana · 04/12/2013 07:03

I was just going to say the Bratingham.

bulby · 04/12/2013 07:04

Can I just confirm that I feel Tom Daley had absolutely every right to make this announcement however he wished. My issue is with how the papers have run with it, I think I feel disappointed that this still is an issue.
Bratingham raises a very interesting point about gay men being treated like women in the papers.

Spermysextowel · 04/12/2013 07:07

I think he's faced so much speculation that he probably felt it easier to declare himself rather than wait to be forcibly outed. I don't consider it particularly newsworthy but homophobia in the world of sport is still rife & he's someone who is recognisable to a younger generation so it may help others who are in a dilemma to consider their position.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/12/2013 07:09

I admit I didn't know that we didn't already know, so much has been written about TD's sexuality over the years tbh......

I feel sorry for him that he felt he had to make a big announcement. I hope he is at peace with himself, because he strikes me always as a young man who is possibly badly advised on the basis of him having been so young when he became well-known that he has had his life taken over a bit. A reality show here, a chat show there, chuck an advert in......he needs to get back to his sport. The fame thing, and everything that has gone with it for him over the years, (not all of which is his fault of course, but choices along the line have been made, which have done him no favours- Splash anyone?) has overshadowed his sporting accomplishments.

minibmw2010 · 04/12/2013 07:11

I think it also made bigger news than it might generally because he's a sports star, an area which is notorious for staying hidden when it comes to sexuality! The statistic was that he's only the 3rd person who is still performing to come out (the other two at the moment being a rugby player and a cricketer).

Nospringflower · 04/12/2013 07:12

I am genuinely wondering how gay men are treated like women? I don't disbelieve it just think its too early for my brain to work it out

MackerelOfFact · 04/12/2013 07:34

Of course it doesn't undermine gay rights. There are maybe 2 or 3 other current professional sportsmen that I can think of that are openly gay. The first professional footballer to come out committed suicide due to (doubtless among other things) the homophobia he faced. It's NOT accepted in sport in the same way it is in, say, showbiz.

If he'd spoken to a paper it would've been splashed on the cover "Tom Daly: I'm gay" as it has been for many in the public eye. He didn't actually say that though, and he wanted it in his own words - a person's sexual orientation is as personal and unique as the words used to describe it. It's rarely binary straight/gay.

WooWooOwl · 04/12/2013 07:45

I disagree. It was always going to be an issue for him. If it wasn't, his lovely face wouldn't have been beaming out from many of the major newspapers yesterday, so to pretend that it was a non issue was never going happen.

Anyway, he's not a campaigner for gay rights, he's just a guy that jumps into water really well. It's his life, not a battle that he is obliged to fight just because he's famous, and it was up to him to come out any way way he chose to.

noblegiraffe · 04/12/2013 07:49

I imagine there might be quite a few other gay sportspeople out there carefully watching the reaction. Will it affect his sponsorships? His Olympic support? His fanbase?
All valid concerns, unfortunately.
Hopefully the so-far mostly positive response will be encouraging.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/12/2013 07:53

I actually found his video quite awkward to watch - me and DH were sitting there cringing. It was almost a bit self indulgent and I just thought, "Why does he think anyone particularly cares?!"

Sirzy · 04/12/2013 07:56

It SHOULDN'T be a newsworthy issue at all and the fact it is is quite sad in this day and age.

That said, given the fact that it is still deemed to be a newsworthy issue I think he handled it very well, he took control of it and shared the information his way rather than allowing the media to control it.

Personally I couldn't care less about the sexuality of a stranger celebrity or not but if people in the limelight speaking openly about such things should eventually mean that it isn't an issue at all and more importantly it will hopefully give other young people the confidence to embrace their sexuality and not feel they need to hide it.

Flip

1 2 3 4