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Original poster

To think the Tom Daley thing undermines 'gay rights'?

92 replies

OrangePixie · 04/12/2013 06:36

He seems like a nice man, I like him.

But the fact he feels he has to make a big announcement, which the newspapers all write about and we all say how marvellous he is and congratulate him kind of goes against the idea that being gay or bi is normal.

I think he should have just dropped it into an interview or been papped with no fanfare and adopted a 'so what?' attitude. We haven't come that far if being bisexual is still a talking point.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 04/12/2013 08:00

Well this thread alone demonstrates how gay men are treated like women, and other groups that aren't white straight men. White straight men are individuals judged on their own merit. Other people represent the group they happen to belong to and their actions are judged accordingly. It's a way of marginalising them and subtly undermining their accomplishments and overblowing their "failures."
In terms of media coverage it's worth noting that TD's partner is called a "lover" - again he is being belittled and sexualised in a way usually reserved for women.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 04/12/2013 08:01

it is news worthy because it has been picked up by the papers etc.

Questioning how he has done it, seems like homophobia dressed up as something else. Gay friends think it is very important.

Seff · 04/12/2013 08:02

It's because of his position as a (male) professional sports person. The fact that people are saying "is this even news?" is possibly a good thing, as no, it probably shouldn't be news.

However, there are children growing up in households where they may be hearing alsorts of things about TD now. So maybe yes, it is important.

VivaLeBeaver · 04/12/2013 08:02

I think his video is fine and I can totally understand why he wanted to do it that way so his words couldn't be twisted.

What does really wind me up is the media frenzy now trying to work out who his boyfriend is. I've already seen a photo of him and some bloke coming out a gym, a photo of him and some bloke in a shopping centre, speculation that he's dating a certain record producer, speculation he's dating some bloke from SClub7.

In the space of two days! Leave the poor bloke alone.

sashh · 04/12/2013 08:02

He didn't make a big announcement though did he? The press picked up on it and made a big thing about it.

EirikurNoromaour · 04/12/2013 08:04

How many people who thinks it's 'no big deal' and not worthy of a 5 minute YouTube vid (hardly a fanfare, his generation use YouTube like chatting with mates) are actually LGBTQ?
This is a big deal. It shouldn't be, but wishing we were in a paradise if gender and sexuality equality doesn't make it so. What makes it a bit more so is famous and respected people coming out and challenging homophobic and heteronormative views on gender and sexuality.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 04/12/2013 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 04/12/2013 08:09

I think for everyone saying why is this news they need to think about the society we live in, not the one we would like to live in. I hope I am still alive when someone's sexuality is no more interesting that the colour of their hair. But we are not even nearly there yet.

Gay is used as a negative word and bandied about by kids before they understand what it means.

Tom is an international sportsman and may even compete in countries where homosexuality is illegal.

Gay rights, like feminism, needs to be out there and in your face until it is accepted as normal.

OTheHugeManatee · 04/12/2013 08:10

Only in the liberal lala land of Mumsnet is a very high profile male sports star coming out not newsworthy. It's all very well saying 'oh who cares?' if you're not one of the many young men thrown out of home, beaten up, bullied and worse for being gay or bi. But I would imagine if I were a young LGBTQ person worrying about coming out I'd find it massively important.

ocelot41 · 04/12/2013 08:10

In a better world, no one would give a monkey's what gender his partner was. This isn't that world yet, and the tabs would have had a field day of the 'Is he? Isn't he?' muck raking variety. So I totally understand why he would have chosen to have taken control of the situation and come out in his own way. There's also still a lot of misunderstanding about bisexuality around - its either treated as a wild kind of "experimentation" or as being gay, but in denial. I think it was lovely that he just said 'I'm in a relationship with someone who makes me very happy - and he's a man. ' There you go. Kudos Tom!

sparklyskyy · 04/12/2013 08:11

My first thought was "why on earth does he feel he needs to announce this" as in this day and age no one should have to formally announce their sexuality.

However, in reality, this is still so closeted. Especially in the area of sport. It's ridiculous. And the way the news reports it does not help matters at all. I feel they are so much to blame as to why people hide their sexuality because the media makes such a song and dance about it.

Yes, he has been brave. Why he had to add in at the end that he "still fancies girls" is beyond me. Made me think it's as if he's adding a disclaimer that there's hope for him yet! Sad.

thecatfromjapan · 04/12/2013 08:13

Some really interesting posts on here.

Just checking in to register support (and good wishes for happy, love-filled, successful life) for Mr Daly.

fluffyraggies · 04/12/2013 08:13

It SHOULDN'T be a newsworthy issue at all and the fact it is is quite sad in this day and age.

this, for me, sums it up.

I'm quite amazed at the fuss in the papers tbh. It's perpetuating the ''oh my god he's gaaaaay ... have you heard/i knew it/never would have guessed/oh he's so brave' stuff which is so old now!

I blame the press running with this like a bunch of idiots though. Not TD making the video.

LadyMedea · 04/12/2013 08:14

It shouldn't be news... But it is still news as demonstrated by the coverage. I don't blame him for putting the information out there so he only has to say it once and on his own terms, and then hopefully it will blow over and just be normalised like it should be.

SoupDragon · 04/12/2013 08:14

Why he had to add in at the end that he "still fancies girls" is beyond me.

Maybe it's because he considers himself bisexual? I thought that was a logical assumption.

Tubemole1 · 04/12/2013 08:15

Its a shame that Tom felt he had to make the video at all.

Surely its more important he concentrates on winning Gold at Rio 2016.

I couldn't care less about his private life but to a minority of sponsors and fellow sportspeople think it has a bearing on his public persona. This is not true of course.

There will be a day when the so-called "coming out" thing will be unnecessary, and people can carry on with their lives without needing to label what they get up to in their private life.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/12/2013 08:15

Crikey op! Seems like he can't do right for doing wrong!

MackerelOfFact · 04/12/2013 08:16

'Why he had to add in at the end that he "still fancies girls" is beyond me.'

Maybe because he does? He didn't say he was gay, just that his current partner is a man. Maybe he's still working through his feelings towards girls, maybe he genuinely is attracted to both, maybe he just doesn't want to lose any female fans. Either way, none of our business.

SoupDragon · 04/12/2013 08:16

It SHOULDN'T be a newsworthy issue at all and the fact it is is quite sad in this day and age.

Except it is steps along a route isn't it - not so long ago it would have been unthinkable to make such an announcement at all. It's a huge step that he felt comfortable doing it. The world won't and can't change over night but it is heading the right way.

Thants · 04/12/2013 08:16

Sparklyskyy he said he still likes girls because he is bisexual. Why should he say he is gay if he isn't?

SoupDragon · 04/12/2013 08:17

Surely its more important he concentrates on winning Gold at Rio 2016.

I imagine that, by making the announcement, he can concentrate on that now.

Ticktock80 · 04/12/2013 08:19

Of course it doesn't set gay rights back any. It isn't news for him, but it is news for journos. If anything, a male/female sports person coming out is a great leap in gay rights. It was unheard of a few years ago!

People are still beaten to death, stabbed, attacked and so on in the UK for being gay. The suicide rate of gay teens in particularly high as well. It's just doesn't often make the mainstream press. I say this as a lesbian writer who tries to bring it to light. So yabu. Good on Tom.

DoctorTwo · 04/12/2013 08:21

Gay rights, like feminism, needs to be out there and in your face until it is accepted as normal.

Absolutely. That he's done this on his own terms, not by being forcibly outed by tabloid, is the best way to do it. When the world accepts that LBGT rights are human rights that would be a step in the right direction.

JapaneseMargaret · 04/12/2013 08:21

Yet another post/thread on the subject that reveals the person making the post to have to real idea whatsoever of what it must be like to be gay and to have to come out...

"I think he should have just dropped it into an interview..."

Do you. Do you really.

Based on your experience of, what, exactly...?

Jux · 04/12/2013 08:22

Nothing wrong with what TD did. As usual it's what the media make of it that's the problem.