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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the Tom Daley thing undermines 'gay rights'?

92 replies

OrangePixie · 04/12/2013 06:36

He seems like a nice man, I like him.

But the fact he feels he has to make a big announcement, which the newspapers all write about and we all say how marvellous he is and congratulate him kind of goes against the idea that being gay or bi is normal.

I think he should have just dropped it into an interview or been papped with no fanfare and adopted a 'so what?' attitude. We haven't come that far if being bisexual is still a talking point.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 04/12/2013 08:22

The way I see it is that he has done what he wanted to do and that's just fine by me.

JapaneseMargaret · 04/12/2013 08:23
  • no real idea...
Sirzy · 04/12/2013 08:28

Except it is steps along a route isn't it - not so long ago it would have been unthinkable to make such an announcement at all. It's a huge step that he felt comfortable doing it. The world won't and can't change over night but it is heading the right way.

Completely agree. One day it won't be deemed newsworthy at all, but until that day people openly speaking about their sexuality (if they are comfortable doing so of course) can only help.

MistressDeeCee · 04/12/2013 08:58

It IS homophobic how it been sensationalised and reported. Whether Tom Daley put into his own words or not, this is what has been done. I'm trying hard to give a flying fuck tho, as I hate anybody being defined by their sexuality whether gay or straight;, its such a naff mentality for grown up people to have, and for media to promote.

SoupDragon · 04/12/2013 09:00

It isn't homophobic Confused That would require some kind of hatred, disgust or implication that it is wrong.

Bowlersarm · 04/12/2013 09:05

I can't see that the reporting is homophobic, Mistress.

There would be massive interest in his first love interest whether male or female; he is a popular person very much in the public eye.

Bowlersarm · 04/12/2013 09:07

Incidentally, as the OP hasn't been back to comment, does this scream JOURNO to anyone? The MN view may well be popping up somewhere.

TiggyD · 04/12/2013 09:10

he said he still likes girls because he is bisexual. Why should he say he is gay if he isn't?

Because some gay people are biphobic. A lot of gay people think that bi people are just in denial and that they're letting the side down and confusing people.

SolemnHour · 04/12/2013 09:26

Yes, he has been brave. Why he had to add in at the end that he "still fancies girls" is beyond me. Made me think it's as if he's adding a disclaimer that there's hope for him yet! Sad.

Made me think that he's bisexual tbh or maybe even just happened to fall for a man and only this man, although the fact he said it had been in the back of his head before makes me think he's bi.

Of course so many think bisexuals are just greedy or confused or in denial huh they cant possibly be attracted to both :( those peoples opinions are whats sad to me

Welshwabbit · 04/12/2013 09:41

Not always a fan of Owen Jones, but I think this article answers the OP's question very well:

Independent

I think Tom Daley has been really sensible in coming out on his terms, rather than having the manner of his disclosure forced upon him by a tabloid or social media - which is still, sadly, pretty much inevitable. If it really is no big deal to be an openly gay or bisexual male sportsman, why aren't there more of them?

noblegiraffe · 04/12/2013 09:42

Maybe he made a point of saying he still fancies girls to fend off the obvious journo questions about the women he has dated. You can imagine them having a microphone shoved in their face 'did you think he was gay when he was with you?'

He fancied girls, he still fancies girls, he's dating a man, he's happy. He has tried to cover all bases so that the matter is done and dusted and he can get on with his life. Any journo can be referred to his video where he has said everything he wants to say.

noblegiraffe · 04/12/2013 09:48

Even the Daily Mail has managed a decent response to why this is news:

www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2517827/ANDREW-PIERCE-Why-sports-stars-terrified-admit-theyre-gay.html

SaucyJack · 04/12/2013 10:01

I think the very fact in itself that you feel entitled to an opinion on how he lives his life purely because he's gay shows that equality really hasn't come that far.

BarbarianMum · 04/12/2013 10:03

I think if being a sportsman and out was such an everyday event then the press wouldn't be reporting it, would they?

Good on him and YABU.

MissMarplesBloomers · 04/12/2013 10:04

To all those of you saying "so what" &"it shouldn't matter" its great you think that but many don't & if TD felt he need to put his personal life on record then good for him. There are still youngsters thrown out of the family home for being so honest.

I thought the video to be heartfelt & yes a little awkward maybe but genuine low key & MUCH more reflecting what he really wanted to say than any heavily edited interview.

Far from setting back equality rights I think its another step towards integration & acceptance & if his actions have helped ONE person come out with more confidence than before then its all good.

As a mother I was in tears at his words. As some one out very late in life I was moved by his obvious calm & happiness.

IHaveSeenMyHat · 04/12/2013 10:09

He's had to endure speculation about his sexuality for years, and he's only 19. Can you imagine your sexuality being a matter of public opinion, before you even know what you are yourself? He had to make a public declaration because his sexuality was already a matter of public discussion.

And, also, he's entitled to talk about his private life in whichever way he feels comfortable. It was brave that he did it at all. It shouldn't be a "brave" thing in 2013, but unfortunately it is.

Daykin · 04/12/2013 10:19

It would be lovely if it really wasn't 'a big deal' and really wasn't 'newsworthy' bit it's bollocks massively naive to pretend that homosexuality and bisexuality is a non issue and there is no prejudice in this enlightened age. If sexuality wasn't a big deal the suicide rate for LGBTQ youth wouldn't be times the rate of the heterosexual population and 9 out of 10 LGBTQ children would report bullying specifically about their sexual identity.

It's like all those white people who claim not to 'see colour' and pretend race isn't an issue whilst ignoring their own white privilege.

Daykin · 04/12/2013 10:22

four times that should say.

The suicide rate for LGBTQ people is 4 times as high as the suicide rate for heterosexuals.

30% of completed suicides are attributed to sexual identity (actual or perceived) so fuck off with your 'it's not a big deal'.

noblegiraffe · 04/12/2013 10:55

People seem to be rolling their eyes and saying that he's making an unwarranted fuss because don't the gays know that they've got equality now and that's all been sorted and they should just get on with being gay and not shoving it in people's faces.

Tom was 6 when it was decided you could be openly gay and serve in the military, 9 when section 28 was repealed. 10 when civil partnerships were introduced. Gay marriage...nearly there. It's hardly a matter for the history books, his announcement is just one part of a long slog towards not only equality, but acceptance.

Thants · 04/12/2013 11:21

TiggyD yes I know only too well the gay some gay people and a lot of straight people view bisexuality. I experience that prejudice every time I have ever spoken about being bisexual.
I'm glad Tom feels comfortable that he can tell people he us bi and hopefully it will help normalise it as a sexually many people have.

Thants · 04/12/2013 11:21

Should say *way!

Scholes34 · 04/12/2013 11:22

The fact that he did the youtube video isn't so much about gay equality, but more of a reflection the bad way our press behaves.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 04/12/2013 11:25

What BIWI said.

Also, those who say nobody cares.

Not true, this thread is one example of many many chattering away about it on-line and in real life.

Well done to him, and it is good for all gay people in sport I think!

MrsCakesPremonition · 04/12/2013 11:30

Very few sportsmen come out as gay.
Those that do, often wait until they retire from sport before coming out.

Which makes Tom Daley rather unusual, not because of his sexuality but because of he is a young sportsman at the peak of his career.

SolemnHour · 04/12/2013 12:15

True thants.

I sometimes think bisexuality is harder for people to understand than being gay. People presume your confused or keeping your options open. I read all the time on facebook and on here 'im straight but... id do katy perry/jessie j/whoever is applicable' they have to remind us all they are straight though even though they clearly are thinking about screwing a woman. Theres a lot more than gay, straight or bi to think about everyones sexuality is unique its a shame they couldnt just admit yeah i fancy X or im with X without having to define what it makes them.

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