Dp being horrible? So confused

[BadgerBumBag]

Grandad has an ongoing illness and the family have been called in at 8am this morning as he has gone dramatically downhill.

Dp at home as work is slow and he has nothing planned, still in pyjamas, so when I get a call from my mum saying how bad grandad is I say I will be there shortly.

Dp is cross with me
His reasons:

1. What if he decides he wants to do something
2. What would I have done if he was at work? - I said I would have swapped childcare with my sister so we could both go for a short time. I still plan on taking niece off her for a bit.
3. Why didn't I use him as plan b and try and arrange with dsis first?

I am so confused, he is so annoyed and I am emotionally frazzled. I said I am annoyed that this discussion has even happened as it is out if order.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to just give a day up when my grandad is so ill?

Writing this crying upstairs trying to get dressed. Need some other opinions as I feel like I have done something wrong

I'm all for working within relationships together but this sounds like hard emotional labour. Does this man generally add to your life and make you happy OP?

Yes Shyla, generally he does. We do love each other very much, and I do want to sort this out. I just need mechanisms and some guts

Stick with it, then, you'll get there if you both want it enough. How is your grandad doing this morning?

He was good in the night, talked to me a lot, I left at 4am

Listen.

Trust your instincts. Is this something that happens time and time again? do you tell him that it's not good enough and he sorts himself out for a nanosecond while and then it reverts?

Think about this: If someone told YOU that what they were doing was really awful, and that you were hurt and bewildered by it. Would you stop doing whatever it was? Unless it was ridiculously unreasonable in the first place, you would.

this man can change and be supportive if he wants to be. right now. today, this very second.

THAT would be emotional intelligence.

If he knows you are upset, and carries on, it's HIS CHOICE.

If he has further justified himself by blaming you somehow... that's HIS choice too.

You are there, you know what's what. Be honest with yourself. Take appropriate action.

If he's being a twat, call him our on it and tell him he stops, or he goes.

Thanks Hissy. I called him on it, he apologised, we have had a good day and I won't be scared to call him on it if anything like it happens again. I am going to try the tactic of being very blunt in terms of what I need so if he chooses to be unsupportive or obstructive after me explaining it to him then that is his choice and unjustifiable / twat like and I will decide what to do then.

My gut says if I step up and so does he, this is fixable, definitely. I suspect a bit of this boils down to him taking me for granted and me not putting my foot down, which is going to change.

He has popped out and I asked him to get some bits from the shop and run a couple of errands which were out of his way which he agreed to cheerfully.....

We will see

This thread has helped me so much, all the different perspectives, home truths and advice.