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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel this way?!

91 replies

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 19:46

I know I am, I feel I am yet I can't help but feel annoyed when my partner tells my LO off sad hmm We've been together 4/5 months and he's around my LO every day always playing with him. My LO loves him! Don't get me wrong I do to. We've moved fast but that's how I want it and I've never felt this way about anyone

Like today we went to Argos to pick his PS4 up whilst we where there LO being 18 months old and being just woken up was wanting to be held as soon as the woman comes over to him he's like "you can hold him" we'd been in the store 2 minutes and all he had to do was stand there and answer question. After 10 minutes LO gets a tad restless as he like to run around and he can't. I sit him on the side and every time he makes a sound or goes to touch something he just looks at me with that old "why can't he keep still and be quite" look.

Lo was touching the little charity pots on the side (the ones that have the slot in and are chained round the chip and pin machines) and he starts going "don't touch that" or "Stop" he's 18 months old he's not robbing them literally just touching them and putting the tip of a pencil in there and taking it back out again. He accidently knocked it off the side and my partner caught it so he looks at me with that look again and goes "see what happens when you let him play with things."

So I'm there trying to hold his arms away from anything he may find remotely interesting and keep him quite, which is VERY hard with my LO.

We get home and he starts all over again because LO is touching the box to his PS4 and the controller?!?! Seriously it's new he's excited he's not exactly going to pick it up and chuck it out the window is he!

I've been a Lone Parent since I found out I was pregnant and with my LO everyone always follows my orders down to the 'T' when it comes to my parenting but I seriously can't help but feel annoyed if someone else tells him off and I don't know why. If he's done something wrong believe me I'll come down on him and he will give you a kiss and a hug for a sorry.

How long did it take you all to get use to your partner telling your children off?

OP posts:

mameulah · 02/12/2013 19:50

If you are eighteen months old then really you can't be doing anything wrong.

YANBU, it is not his job to lay down the law. It is yours.

Justforlaughs · 02/12/2013 19:50

20 years!
Sounds like your DP needs to grow up himself tbh, an 18 month old wants to touch a charity pot in a shop and he thinks he's out of order? Seriously? He needs to get a grip.

KerwhizzedMyElf · 02/12/2013 19:52

This is what happens when you move too fast. People don't get given appropriate boundaries.

thebody · 02/12/2013 19:55

no I wouldn't like this either op at 18 months it's normal to be like this.

perhaps you need to get your partner to read up a bit on milestones and expectations, you need to teach them both.

just be careful that this correcting doesn't seem to increase.

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 19:55

He's 23 I'm 20 he doesn't have kids so I understand he doesn't know what they're like but it's starting to irritate me =/ I understand if we're going to work the he will be a 'father' figure in later life (LO's dad has no contact what so ever) but it's even things like the other day it was 3:30am and LO was screaming, he does this he goes back to sleep.

I was asleep and he woke me up because he couldn't sleep the proceeded to let LO run round the front room then do the same at 5:30am and couldn't see why I was annoyed yet still going "He's your child" he's only ever "ours" when LO is playing with him or not being annoying to him

OP posts:

basgetti · 02/12/2013 19:56

YABU to allow a situation where your boyfriend of 4 months is 'disciplining' your baby. Fgs.

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 19:57

KerwhizzedMyElf He has been given boundaries both LO and him. Yet he can't seem to comprehend that although I'm strict with LO I literally can't make him not touch anything and everything

OP posts:

BohemianGirl · 02/12/2013 19:57

I'm the mother and I'd be looking at my own children if they behaved like that. "the look" cannot be introduced too soon. Perhaps you should be doing that small discipline (ie keeping your child entertained/stopping them running round/ fingering poking) rather than indulgently thinking they are oh so cute?

But FWIW I couldnt possibly be in a relationship with a man-child who needed a games console.

KerwhizzedMyElf · 02/12/2013 20:01

Strange boundaries letting someone you've been with for four/five months discipline your child especially in situations where you don't want him told off. To me it's a surprise they've even met that early on!

CoffeeTea103 · 02/12/2013 20:02

I was going to say you both sound very immature before you stated your ages, him for behaving that way and you for moving so fast with someone after 4 months. You both need to grow up. If you can't see how bad his behaviour is and the potential for this to lead to bigger problems then you don't have much hope for this situation to get better.

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 20:02

BohemianGirl My child gets the look but not for something so miniscule he wasn't tipping it upside down, waving it around it was sat on the side and he was just putting the tip of the pencil in it and taking it out again. He was running around and I stopped him running around. My Lo is cute but I'm quick to nub it in the bud.

For example My LO walked round the local shop with me earlier, he carried the bread and I had the cucumber and chicken, we paid and I went into our bakery looking to get him and me something, he pulled everything out the bag and copped because he wanted a sandwich. I didn't crouch down and make him one. I told him no and sat him to the side to calm down. He carried on He got home with nothing, I had a Chelsea bun. I don't have an issue discipling my child, For me it's allowing someone else to do it when I've done it for so long on my own

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 02/12/2013 20:02

So he lives with you and your dc?

pictish · 02/12/2013 20:03

I can only echo kerrwhizz - I don't suppose there's any point saying it now, but that's why you don't bring someone into your child's life so hastily. You may well be 'in love' but after such a short time span you have no way of knowing whether or not he is suitable to be around your child full time. Anyone can be on their best behaviour for two or three months to get their feet under the table. That's why the sensible and mature thing to do is take things slowly.

Anyway - he sounds damn tetchy.

ICameOnTheJitney · 02/12/2013 20:06

See I'm going to rock the boat here....how can any adult be in a partnership with their other half who has a child when they're not allowed ANY say in day to day discipline.

Saying "Don't touch that" to an 18 month old is perfectly reasonable and I would say that to my own children at that age. A child of 18 months understand that!

And what kind of relationship would it be if one half of the couple had to stand mute while the child did something "wrong". ?

OP...I would have thought it lax of you not to say "no" to your son as well....children shouldn't be "poking" anything into the charity pots or even touching them. They're not toys.

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 20:08

KerWhizzed Things like not letting LO run round my house with his shoes on, empty my wardrobe I have no issue with him telling him not to do it. But I wouldn't expect my mum to tell LO off for touching a charity pot. He wasn't harming anyone I was stood right in front of him watching and he was entertained. I don't know how they wouldn't of met. I'm a lone parent My LO goes everywhere with me, he doesn't stay round anyone else's house and never leaves me. In that case I'd never be with anyone because LO would always meet them

Coffe I don't see how LO touching something is going to cause big problems in the future if It's dangerous or breakable then of course I'm going tell him no but, I personally didn't see him touching a pot was going to harm him

OP posts:

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 20:13

No he doesn't live with me. He comes round but obviously I have LO if that makes sense?

I agree if things are going to work long time then he's going to have to tell LO off but I don't know how to explain it? Where I've been the only one to tell LO off it's just strange for me to have someone else do it. If it something major then I have no issues but I'm evidently not as strict with LO as I thought or have been told.

OP posts:

mameulah · 02/12/2013 20:13

What does LO mean?

I think that if you are in equal partnership then he should have a say. But you have only known him for a matter of weeks. It is his job to gain your trust.

Sorry to be blunt but I think you should get rid of him. He does sound like a man child. That thing where he let your 'LO' run around through the night is a good enough reason if you ask me.

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 20:16

Little One :)

Hmm maybe you're right.. I understand I can't go and be like you can't have this, this and this.

I don't know what to do

OP posts:

CaptainSweatPants · 02/12/2013 20:18

Well ps4 shopping isn't very interesting for an 18 month old
Why did you all go? Sounds like your partner was stressed shopping. Next time take toddler to soft play when be wants to go to the shops

Chippednailvarnish · 02/12/2013 20:20

You've been with him for around 20 weeks and you have introduced him to your child?

What the hell were you expecting? What happens when you split up? Are you then going to introduce another boyfriend after five minutes of knowing them? You're on a sure path to totally fucking your child up.

KerwhizzedMyElf · 02/12/2013 20:20

Exactly what I said before. There's no boundaries (or rather he's not respecting the ones you have set) on what he tells your LO off for because you've moved too fast.

And fwiw, I'm also a lone parent who hasn't had time apart from my dd since I split with my ex so find that excuse for introducing your child to a man a bit gross.

Only1scoop · 02/12/2013 20:20

It Does sound as if maybe your bf isn't really ready to be so involved in your dc life. What with playing on his Ps4 and getting irritated with your dc he sounds immature (he is only young I guess)....

Original poster

Berzingaa · 02/12/2013 20:26

We all went because he doesn't know the way lol He lives in a different area to me and i drove it was the only one with one in stock (personally don't get the fascination)

OP posts:

Bloob · 02/12/2013 20:27

I think you need to take a giant step back here.

This does not sound good. Or healthy. He sounds very immature, with little understanding of children and the way they naturally behave. To be honest, it's really not a great move having someone have contact with your child in this way after only 4 months. I understand the way you feel about him, but that really doesn't mean you should be allowing your baby to see him / have a relationship with him.

When / if you do decide to take that step then of course he needs to be involved in discipline / child care. But you need to talk about the way children behave at certain ages, the way you want to handle it together, appropriate response etc.

18 months is just a baby. Almost the same as my ds. That behaviour is TOTALLY normal for a child of that age.

harriet247 · 02/12/2013 20:28

You need to slow right down. And I dont think 4 months is long enough to introduce a boyfriend. You are a package deal and if hw can't accept that then you shouldn't bother. I know it gets lonely but it is worth dating and taking your time to make sure you get the best guy x

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