Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be having a bit of a breakdown! Please help me.

80 replies

grapelovingweirdo · 02/12/2013 19:22

Sounds dramatic but it's true!

Anyone familiar with my posts will know that I have posted about my DP a few times.

I have always wanted to live and work in a certain city. Since I was in my teens, the industry I work in is very centred around this city as well.

I'm working in the same field but in a town about two hours away. Recently I applied for a job in this big city and I have just received a very nice offer.

The problem is, my DP says that we would have to split up if I went, even though I have said i will be home every weekend and will give it a trial.

I love him so much, even through all the hurt. I don't want to lose him. I also know I will hate myself if I don't go for it.

I have always not done things because of boyfriends and its time I did something for me.

My mum says I'm being selfish but all my friends who know my DP are saying the opposite.

I can't stop crying. What the hell am I going to do?!!!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 02/12/2013 19:24

Oh dear this sounds like a tough one. Is there any reason why he doesn't want to move?

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 02/12/2013 19:25

He won't support my dream and just dismisses me. I get that he wants me around all the time, I will miss him too, but we are at different life stages and I can't stop worrying. I am so stuck! Am I throwing everything away if i go? I would come home every weekend and come home after three months if he really hated it that much. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 02/12/2013 19:26

Hi Coffee, he doesn't want to live in this city, likes it where we are. His kids are here too. I understand completely. Just wish he would support me.

OP posts:
Yama · 02/12/2013 19:28

He doesn't sound like he's got your best interests at heart.

Whatnamenext · 02/12/2013 19:29

Do you have children?

If not then run for the hills and pursue your dream without a backward glance.

If yes, then that changes my advice!

Hissy · 02/12/2013 19:30

Don't you dare let him hold you back!

If you don't go, you'll resent him.

If you go, and he realises he can't live without you then things may change.

If he doesn't realise how wonderful you are and how he's an idiot to let you go, then you deserve better than him.
GO!

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 02/12/2013 19:30

The thing is, I can see his point. He wants me around all the time. He will miss all of the perks that come with living with someone all the time. I will too, but I've lost the love where I work and have been offered my dream job in my dream city (where my closest friends live too).

I wish I could make the right choice and feel okay with that.

OP posts:
Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 02/12/2013 19:31

No, no children Smile

OP posts:
harriet247 · 02/12/2013 19:32

Do it!

LEMisafucker · 02/12/2013 19:33

As someone who has had a proper breakdown then yes, maybe you are being a tad dramatic, but its a problem yes.

If you turn this down because of this man, you will regret it for the rest of your life. The sticking point for him is his children and I can understand why he doesn't want to move but if he cannot accomodate your dreams then you really have to ask if he is the one?

Could you move an hour away from the big smoke as a compromise

Binkyridesagain · 02/12/2013 19:33

Why doesn't he want a happy partner? How can things carry on knowing that he didn't support you? Could you forgive him if you stayed?

CoffeeTea103 · 02/12/2013 19:36

I think having his kids there makes it that much harder to move. It's very reasonable for you suggesting that you give it a try and be back in 3 months if it's not working out but practically what would that mean for the relationship. He is being unsupportive as it's something you have always wanted to do.

If you don't go, you will resent it and that will damage your relationship as well. I hope that you decide to go, if he considered your best interests he would tell you to give it a try and work from there.

JinglingRexManningDay · 02/12/2013 19:37

Go absolutely go. Any loving caring partner would want you to fulfil this dream.

paulapantsdown · 02/12/2013 19:37

For God's sake GO!

For what it's worth, I travel 2 hours e/w to my job twice a week!

Aeroaddict · 02/12/2013 19:38

I think you would be throwing everything away if you didn't go for the job. If he really cares about you you will find a way to make it work, if he doesn't then you are better off without him.

HRHLadyG · 02/12/2013 19:40

Follow your dreams! If he loves you, he'll support you! x

thebody · 02/12/2013 19:40

if you don't go you will regret it for the rest if your life.

your mother should be supporting you. go.

KateCroydon · 02/12/2013 19:41

Go.

LittleMissGerardPoppyButler · 02/12/2013 19:41

I think you will regret it if you don't go.

Do you think he is saying that as he thinks you won't go if he says this?

Give it a try, it sounds like you really want to buy are trying to justify it to yourself.

SparklyNewNameChange · 02/12/2013 19:42

Run. Run as fast as you can to a fantastic new life, and don't look back. He's clearly telling you you have no future together unless you're prepared to live under his control. Listen to him, and run.

olgaga · 02/12/2013 19:42

If you don't go you'll always wonder "what if", and quite possibly end up resenting him for stifling your ambition.

He's not the one.

woodlandwanderwoman · 02/12/2013 19:45

Agree you must take it, you only get one shot at life. However, marriage should be for life whereas a job is not. Why can't he be happy for you to do this for a few years?

Just don't put yourself in the position that you lose your marriage AND your dream job.

There must be a middle ground that allows you to do both, moving closer to the city to be able to come home each night is a good start. At least it's not in another country!!

Btw did he know you were applying and what did he say before you got the job?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/12/2013 19:47

I have read your other threads.

Accept the offer and move on!! You deserve better than this selfish git, you really, really do!! Grab life and go for it - you wont regret it, you really, really wont!

OvaryAction · 02/12/2013 19:51

Urgh, bin him and be glad you found out what a selfish twat he is before you had children with the pillock!!! Honestly, you deserve better.

Congratulations on the job offer! Flowers

Xmasbaby11 · 02/12/2013 19:54

If this city and this career are for you, I guess it's a matter of when not if you move. And DP knows this. Do you think it will ever change? If neither of you will compromise, you don't have a future.