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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this person is faking illness

117 replies

BlancheDubious · 02/12/2013 14:49

I'm acquainted with someone who constantly has drama in their life, usually centred around their own health. This has been going on since she was about 14 and she's now in her 20s.

As a teenager she had 'seizures' which were investigated to the Nth degree and no cause was found. Her teachers and some immediate and extended family believe they were faked for attention.

Now she is claiming to have 'allergic reactions' which cause her to collapse. It is all on Facebook to make sure everyone knows. She manages to fly around the world on holiday but always seems to have to visit the local hospital wherever she is travelling as she has collapsed.

Her latest 'allergic collapse' apparently necessitated CPR, heart massage, defibrillator etc. but she was home posting about it on Facebook the next day. AIBU to think that you'd be kept in longer for such a huge event and therefore it can't be true?

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 02/12/2013 14:54

Does this persons illness affect you?

If not then you're only annoying yourself and achieving nothing by getting wound up by it. Let them get on with it and you be happy you dont have to either a) cope with their illness or b) pretend to be ill for attention.

CoffeeTea103 · 02/12/2013 14:55

Yanbu, I know someone like this. It's very attention seeking. Just don't give them the attention.

LessMissAbs · 02/12/2013 14:59

Have actually dealt with a person with suspected Munchausen's Syndrome in a professional capacity - we had to tell her it was unethical to continue. Multiple experts could find nothing wrong, any attempt to reason her was rebuffed, often quite aggressively.

I'm convinced theres quite a lot of it about as I had to look up the symptoms. I can't stand it either. I've defriended someone like that recently (a new friend so I owed her no loyalty). Constant cancellations and letting me down due to sore knee, bad back, headache, etc.. Very wearing.

Justforlaughs · 02/12/2013 15:00

Probably a stupid question, but why are you "friends" on Facebook with her? Just delete her. Job done and your blood pressure can go back to normal.

Original poster
BlancheDubious · 02/12/2013 15:00

Yes unfortunately it affects me. I can't say how as it would out me since I've been quite specific in my OP.

It is very upsetting for someone vulnerable who is close to me that this person has such 'problems'. I sort of want to call them out on it since everyone else tiptoes round, but it would cause shit to hit fan.

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tolittletoolate · 02/12/2013 15:22

I know someone who tells everyone he is dying. Last year he had a massive birthday party for his 39th as he wouldn't be here to celebrate his 40th. people who were at this party were all crying and upset etc.
He practically lives his life on Facebook and posts things all the time about being in a hospice and how ill he is.
his 40th birthday was last week and he's still here Sad

jacks365 · 02/12/2013 15:25

I used to pass out as a teenager but despite ending up in hospital twice with severe injuries due to it they never found the cause another person I know is having test after test to try to establish why they keep blacking out. Lets just say they've ruled out lots of options. My adult dd apparently had to have chest compressions to restart her heart and she was not even taken to hospital after ( that shocked both of us when we found out). Ok we haven't posted any of this on Facebook but if she's a drama queen she could do, don't dismiss things simply because they seem completely implausible there may still be a grain of truth there even if it is seriously exaggerated.

Justforlaughs · 02/12/2013 15:26

DFil was similar, he was always going on about his bad heart and other medical conditions. No sign of anything, it never stopped him doing anything he enjoyed, just the things he didn't want to do. He couldn;t walk across a car park, without using a disabled space but could walk for miles cross country. He wasn't going to make it to another birthday etc, and then he didn't Sad. Massive heart attack in his 50's. Just saying, that you can't always tell.

RightsaidFreud · 02/12/2013 15:30

You shouldn't dismiss seizures just because they haven't 'found' something. There are conditions such as non-epileptic attack disorder/dissociative seizures, and they are very genuine conditions. Saying that, I can't stand people who constantly post about their health or poor health on Facebook. I would unfriend her on Facebook.

AnandaTimeIn · 02/12/2013 15:44

Yes, some people do want the attention of others with their health issues I know a complete neurotic in this but how do we really know?

So many mysterious diseases, allergies etc. nowadays, it is easy to dismiss someone as being hypochondriac....

Came across this a while back: Poor woman!

This is Susannah's story of her terrifying descent into madness and the desperate hunt for a diagnosis, as, after dozens of tests and scans, baffled doctors concluded she should be confined in a psychiatric ward. It is also the story of how one brilliant man, Syria-born Dr Najar, finally proved - using a simple pen and paper - that Susannah's psychotic behaviour was caused by a rare autoimmune disease attacking her brain. His diagnosis of this little-known condition,

www.amazon.co.uk/Brain-On-Fire-Month-Madness/dp/1846147395/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385998562&sr=8-1&keywords=Brain+on+Fire

neroli38 · 02/12/2013 15:45

sounds suspicious to me. Seizures can be unexplained but now allergies as well, collapsing everywhere and CPR/defrib??

I would unfriend her, who wants to deal with the drama?

deepfriedsage · 02/12/2013 15:48

Plenty of people probably were nasty like that about me too, turned out I have quite a few rare physical conditions drs missed. It's none of your business anyway.

AngelaDaviesHair · 02/12/2013 15:48

The question is then, how can you protect the vulnerable person? It must be so tempting to call the drama queen on it, but will it really help the person you care about? Is there any way the vulnerable person can be helped to disengage?

deepfriedsage · 02/12/2013 15:54

Even if your fb friend has mounchousens that's an ill.ess in its self, it needs treatment the same as cancer, just because its a mh condition doesn't mean you need to be verging on disablist, which is against talk guidelines.

expatinscotland · 02/12/2013 15:56

Cut her out of your life. Life is too short for people like this.

Grennie · 02/12/2013 15:58

It is so hard to know. Some people do fake physical illness. Others do have lots of vague symptoms that are real. A friend kept fainting, feeling ill, etc. The Dr dismissed her symptoms as panic attacks, and then later seeking attention. She was later diagnosed with a faulty valve in the heart and had surgery and a pacemaker put in.

YouTheCat · 02/12/2013 16:01

You can hide her facebook statuses without the drama of unfriending you know?

Then it won't bother you because you won't see it.

I have a friend who blacks out quite often. Still no cause found. Tried to emulate it in a sleep clinic to no avail. It has been going on for years and she finds it distressing as she has wet herself when it happens.

shouldnthavesaid · 02/12/2013 16:09

Could be non epileptic seizures - my mum has these and a lot of people think they're put on, although they aren't and afaik current research points to it being something to do with adrenaline and how the brain reacts according to Mum's neurologist. They definitely aren't fake. It's rather difficult to fake a seizure not least due to clinical signs etc.. Though I have no doubt some people do "put on" but I reckon that's few and far between and probably caused by some degree of mental illness.

In terms of talking on facebook about illness.. well.. a lot of people on here, myself included, discuss illness. Humans need to talk and surely at least some of the people on your facebook are friends and relatives, it only seems right to feel you can "talk" on there? I put little updates on facebook after having surgeries and when my mum's unwell - makes me feel less isolated. That said there's apparently a line between "updates" and "obsessions". I've been called up on it before.

madbengal · 02/12/2013 16:16

My friends daughter was until very recently accused of this always attention seeking always ill etc it turned out that she is actually ill and although its a mental disease it could kill her as she can convince her body the illness she believes she has is real and her body reacts

2 days before her 30th the poor woman had a stroke brought on by symptoms she was checking on the web and convinced herself that she had the same ones

Its a nightmare but could be the case here too, I know I will never judge someone again

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 02/12/2013 16:36

a relation is a hypochondriac and it is ruining his life. it is a real mental illness but makes him very difficult to be around. he has a strong desire to be the most ill person around so he behaves terribly if e.g. he sees someone being pushed in a wheelchair (i.e. not able to self propel) as he has to be worse off than them.

he wont seek help for his real condition as he does not want to change. he wastes lots of nhs resources trying to prove he is right.

Arabesque1 · 02/12/2013 16:41

It sounds as if she has some kind of problem, either physical or mental.

I'm the first person to get impatient with drama llamas who turn every cold into the flu, every headache into a migraine, every mild food intolerance into an allergy etc etc.

But this sounds more serious than that.

MackerelOfFact · 02/12/2013 16:47

I know someone who I am pretty sure is faking cancer. There's no way to tell absolutely, but it's a niggling feeling that there are too many things which don't quite add up.

Would I ever approach her about it? No. I feel deep sympathy for her situation, regardless of whether or not she actually has cancer, because she is clearly going through a pretty bad time either way.

Grennie · 02/12/2013 16:49

I had a friend at school who was epileptic. As an adult, he admitted he had faked it.

Original poster
BlancheDubious · 02/12/2013 18:01

How am I being disablist?! I'm just accusing someone of fakery to some strangers on the internet.

It's not just the illnesses themselves but more the ability to do stuff she wants like travel the world and not do stuff she doesn't fancy like work, sit exams etc. The seizures magically stopped when she decided she wanted to drive.

I don't respond on Facebook etc but she texts the vulnerable person with "just in case Blanche has seen this on Facebook I thought I'd let you know...." then ensuing drama and phone calls.

Can't unfriend without drama. Might deactivate FB though.

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Original poster
BlancheDubious · 02/12/2013 18:07

Apparently the doctors told her that the seizures were due to not eating the right kind of food. She had to eat food that made her increase in dress size as a cure, and the family had to club together to buy her an entire new wardrobe.

It just sounds like bollocks to me.

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