to think this person is faking illness

[BlancheDubious]

I'm acquainted with someone who constantly has drama in their life, usually centred around their own health. This has been going on since she was about 14 and she's now in her 20s.

As a teenager she had 'seizures' which were investigated to the Nth degree and no cause was found. Her teachers and some immediate and extended family believe they were faked for attention.

Now she is claiming to have 'allergic reactions' which cause her to collapse. It is all on Facebook to make sure everyone knows. She manages to fly around the world on holiday but always seems to have to visit the local hospital wherever she is travelling as she has collapsed.

Her latest 'allergic collapse' apparently necessitated CPR, heart massage, defibrillator etc. but she was home posting about it on Facebook the next day. AIBU to think that you'd be kept in longer for such a huge event and therefore it can't be true?

Hmmm. Was she having hypoglycaemic fits? I've come across a few diet controlled diabetics who looked very much like they were fitting when they didn't follow the diet and had hypoglycaemic episodes.

And yes, it's perfectly possible to be admitted with anaphylaxis (allergic reaction requiring chest compressions, resus with adrenaline, etc) and discharged the next day. It wouldn't normally need a defib though. However many people misunderstand a lot of what they are told regarding medical things, could she have been told she collapsed with an allergy, needed resuscitation and from that she's deduced chest compressions and shocks?

If she is physically or mentally ill you have no sympathyfor her unlike your other friend, it is clear you dislike your ill friend for being ill, you work out how that could come across as you being disablist.

It does sound like bollocks

Unless you are a medically qualified person you do not have the knowledge to accurately determine this. Nobody really knows the exact cause of epileptic seizures and seizures can be the result of lots of other things too. Live and let live but more crucially detach emotionally from this person

Oh dear.
This thread is very hard reading for me.
I am this person. Minus the facebook posts.
One school mum described me as a drama queen.
That took the wind out of my sales.

I was recently told by the top 3 professors - the top 3 consultants in the UK, that my diabetes, that I have had since aged 1, so 40 years. was just unpattern-less. And that they had used all the technology, and everything available to them, in the last 10 years, and that they, last week said, they had "nowhere left to go".

I have sobbed about that three times in the last week.
Can you imagine how that feels? To me told that they don't know what to do with you.

AND I struggle with ds1. Who is Autistic. Has Aspergers. AS. I was told that no one believed me. It was suggested I had munchausens. My dh and my mum were offended. I did get the diagnosis in the end.

So yeah. She may be a drama queen. Some people are.

But are you sure? That's there isn't more to it?

My advice is to leave FB.

Oblomov ...that sounds awful...hope you've got some good support in RL but www.diabetessupport.co.uk is a great forum where you can vent without worrying about people not 'getting it' ...hang on in there, the tech is improving...

OP...I totally get that it must be very frustrating to see your vulnerable friend being affected by this...I guess you need to make a call about how convinced you are that this person is faking (after all, not all things medical are easily diagnosed & it's possible that the state of mind of the person affects their condition, which might account for their being able to do some things but not others, eg if anxiety has an effect?)...& if you are convinced, how much fall out you are willing to risk.

Personally, I'd always want to give the benefit of the doubt, but if that's not for you just hiding their posts on fb & gently suggesting to thr vulnerable friend that things might not be as bad as they are being presented as might be a good way to go.

It's funny though isn't it, I am disabled and use a wheelchair. I never ever put anything on Facebook and there is only about 3 pictures of me in my wheelchair on there. I haven't told anyone that I get dla and have a motability car apart from on here where I'm pretty much anonymous!

I struggle to understand what you are hoping to gain from this discussion.

How is 'outing' the person going to contribute towards help for the other "vulnerable person" you mention? Are you hoping it will put the matter right? How will it make you feel to "out" the person? Satisfied? Vindicated? It is clear that your nark is the fact she "travels the world" and that "the seizures magically stopped ..." not about the potential harm you think she might be doing.

The person clearly has some contributing background that you are unable to share here (without being completely inappropriate for talking about a person's confidential medical/psychological circumstances).

There are a lot of people on MN who probably know of this type of behaviour, and it is seriously not something to feel narked or irritated about, believe me - it's a prison for that person

Thank you Plodding. I am already a member and have posted before.
I am also a member of another diabetic support group. They are not sure what they can say really.....

I had an allergic reaction, noticed and told my DP he better call an ambulance, it was here before he put the phone down, blue lighted to hospital where i was given IV antihistamines (in the ambulance i think) and got a taxi home once i was given the all clear at the hospital an hour later.

Does it really affect you though - can't you just roll your eyes and move on.

You dont have to defriend or deactivate, i have several people on my FB list who I have hidden their posts for various reasons, they don't know i have done this, so no drama.

Oblomov - So sorry to hear that, that must be hard to deal with.

People who fake illnesses draw other people into supporting them, that is the harm that it causes to others. A friend of a friend faked a serious illness. She got people helping her out with housework, giving her lifts and excusing poor behaviour, because people thought it was understandable that she might not always react appropriately.

Many of those people who helped had their own issues. They weren't swanning around with lots of time on their hands. Yes someone who does this has real psychological issues. But it is harder to be understanding when you see the damage it causes.

You can support the vulnerable person without denigrating this person who you have 'concerns' about.

Make sure you are ready to listen if the vulnerable person shares anything about this person. Reassure them that x is getting the medical help she needs.

Allergic reactions and seizure disorders can both be difficult to manage.

I was regularly collapsing for a while (licence withdrawn, etc.) There was no pattern, doctors were baffled, etc. It could have seemed that I was faking, except that the doctors witnessed it twice (I had presented claiming collapse, then collapsed again whilst being examined).

In the end, it turned out that the medications I'd been given for migraine had been adjusted by different doctors to the point that it was effectively short-circuiting my brain.

Once the medication was readjusted, I stopped collapsing, the Consultant wrote to the DVLA saying that I did not have epilepsy and I was able to resume driving.

Sometimes, the bizarre things are true.

If attention seeking is a disability, and being narked about a person's attention seeking is disablist, then about half the population is disabled according to the anecdotes on this thread. Not to mention half my Facebook newsfeed who post about being in A&E because their kid fainted whilst getting their belly button pierced, they got stung by a wasp, or had a migraine.

My 'nark' isn't that she travels the world, what a ridiculous thing to say. My narks are numerous - the manipulating of emotions of those who take things at face value, the way it's all so convenient, the leeching off the NHS. The fact that real people like those on this thread have real, terrible illnesses deserving of sympathy but don't get it because people like me have become so bloody cynical thanks to drama llamas like her!!

My vulnerable friend is 85 and paying out money to her so yes I am narked about that.

Perhaps I should deactivate my Facebook. People just wind me up.

What Grennie said.

It's so manipulative, because who dares to be the one that questions the validity of a 'sick' person's illness, even though it's blatantly obvious to a lot of people that all is not as it seems.

So everyone gathers around to help and support, many of whom barely have the capacity to support themselves.

I've been to A&E with a migraine before as I was on day 14 of a continuous migraine I felt it warranted it. One quick consultation and one injection later, it started to clear after 20 minutes.

Attention seeking isn't a disability. Pure lying about one's health is obviously wrong and you have every reason to be annoyed. And sometimes disabled people can be moany and annoying too and it isn't prejudiced to call it as we see it.

For example, my FIL has diabetes and is a moany git, the diabetes does not make him a moany git, and most people with diabetes are not moany gits but because he has diabetes and is also a moany git he tends to moan about diabetes. Saying that is not disablist. Saying people with diabetes are moany gits based on my observations of my FIL would be disablist (and stupid). Btw my FIL is delightful too, and lots of aspects of having diabetes do sound pretty shit, so he is entitled to moan a bit. That was just an example.

The difficulty people have with what you are posting is that pure attention seeking is an odd behaviour. They are suggesting that it sounds dysfunctional for her, and may suggest some deeper mental health need which is not being met. Sometimes people can genuinely have dissociative conditions so they experience mental distress like trauma or fear as physical symptoms like non-epileptic attacks, or severe pain. These symptoms are every bit as real for the person suffering them as epileptic seizures or pain caused by physical injury, but the cause is psychological. It is unfair to describe those kind of symptoms as 'attention-seeking' when the person has no control over the suffering she is experiencing, and the physical evidence from MRI scans etc is that especially in the case of pain the same pain sensors in the brain are tripped by so-called 'psychosomatic' pain as pain caused by recent physical trauma.

It may be true that the trips to hospital and the drama are reinforcing her belief that there is something physical which needs attention (and creating a terrible vicious circle where the fear of illness sustains the mental distress which causes the symptoms which trigger the trips to hospital). I can understand why that might be frustrating to witness. The advice to step back emotionally is very sound.

You're on a hiding to nothing with this, Blanche ! You describe very well the manner in which the "sick" person can take advantage of (and cause great anxiety to) the "vulnerable" one, but heaven help you if you try to clarify the truth. Meanwhile there are people who are genuinely sick who are stoically dealing with it and asking for no special treatment.

All I can say is that I recognise your situation and having been in your shoes have absolutely no advice to offer.

It's not obvious to all on this thread there is nothing going on. Either she's physically or mentally ill, either way she can't help it no more than someone can stop having type 1 diabetes, she's ill and you don't sound pleasant in the way you speak about someone who has a legally protected long standing health condition, you sound disablist for a condition you perceive her to have.

To be clear I am not denigrating those with debilitating migraines and go to A&E (as an example), I am denigrating those who claim to have debilitating migraines but are somehow able to post about it on Facebook as they wait in A&E.

I think there is a distinction between the two.

And yes, I'm on a hiding to nothing.

I actually got really angry reading this and did genuinely think you were on about me. I have had unknown cause fainting and fitting for 15 years, have an "invisible" disability, and yes I moan about it. And I wrote on a friends facebook earlier about an allergic reaction to something, trying to help her as she was feeling ill.

A lot of people have told me I am a drama queen, certain members of my family call me "princess". But guess what, I'm just fucking sick. I wish i was making it up.

Oh it's really annoying, my cousin used to do it. She once faked an epileptic fit and I just stood there looking embarrassed, people were actually saying 'why aren't you helping her?!!'

For one there's basically feck all to do even if it was real
and for two it's not real.

She also said the doctor had given her 2 days to live if she didnt eat, that she was a secret millionaire, that she had a singing contract.

You can keep going through migraines, though. Seriously. I don't do it by choice, I do it because I have to. I have 3 small children and if I go to bed, they are in danger. So I keep going. I have posted on MN that I have a migraine. I did. It doesn't mean it was less severe than another migraine when I've had the good fortune to be able to go to bed. Just that at that moment, unable to go to bed, it was a distraction.

I'm feeling pretty rough now. Recovering from a nasty virus. Still typing, even though I ache all over.

I wouldn't post on FB about it, but some people do that to distract themselves, to reach out because they feel isolated.