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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want MILs dog to stay in the kitchen.

82 replies

Filimou · 02/12/2013 06:21

A few months ago mils dog lunged at our ds (2) when he fell on the floor at her house.
It was only quick reflexes and good fortune that the dog didnt get his jaws round his face Sad Sad Sad
Since then we have insisted that the dog is locked in the kitchen when we visit. The dog doesnt like this and yelps and barks and tries to get out becoming quite distressed, so MIL goes and sits in the kitchen with it...so needless to say our visits are getting shorter Sad . After receiving some excellent ideas for keeping the dog calm here, we suggested them to MIL who just wants to keep sitting in there with it.
At the weekend we went to visit and the dog started whimpering again, as we were packing up dh suggested that maybe next time the dog could come in as long as ds sat on dh lap. I was Shock Shock Shock Shock .
For a start how can ds at 2 be relied on to sit still on dhs lap, why should he feel afraid??? Most of all I just cant trust that dog. I just cant. So AIBU to refuse, to stick to my guns and say, if its not in the kitchen we are NOT visiting with ds.

OP posts:
ShutTheFuckUpBarbara · 02/12/2013 06:24

YANBU. I would do exactly the same!

Morgause · 02/12/2013 06:34

YANBU. Stick to your guns. Your DH is daft. Your MiL is daft for worrying about a dog when a baby is at risk.

MummyBeerest · 02/12/2013 06:43

Yanbu. My MIL's dog is fucking insane, and I have a 16mo. I love dogs, but once the dog lunges at DD to "play", I physically move the dog into the kitchen myself.

fieldfare · 02/12/2013 06:46

Yanbu, you just can't take the risk and anyone else that can't see that is bonkers.

Uptheairymountain · 02/12/2013 06:52

YANBU. I know the dog brigade on here would disagree, but I'd have refused to take DC back until the dog was either rehomed or put down.

ItStillLooksLikeRainDear · 02/12/2013 06:52

Can you ask her to come round to you?
I wouldn't be letting that dog anywhere near your DC, it sounds nuts. YANBU.

HappyAsASandboy · 02/12/2013 06:55

YANBU.

My PIL had two very well trained, docile dogs. One of them was elderly (hence the 'had' - it has died of old age now).

My DS, aged 2 and a bit, was crawling up and down the hall with his twin sister, when the very well behaved and docile dog lunged at DS and pinned him to the floor with her jaws open wide around DS's face. This was all within 6foot of PIL, DH and me, so definitely not unattended, and she showed no signs of irritation before she lunged at him.

In hindsight (and boy do you relive it over and over), she was annoyed at these two boisterous 'puppies' in her space, and she put one of them in his place in the pack. She was an elderly Golden Retriever, with a soft mouth, and she didn't intend to hurt him, just tell him off for annoying her. Of she'd wanted to bite him she most certainly could have.

PIL made sure that the dog was locked in the kitchen/garage whenever we visited, until the dog died. I made a point of taking DS in to see the dog every visit as I didn't want him to be scared of the dog (I scooped him up from the 'attack' and tickled him, making it all into a joke that the dog had tickled him at the time too), but we respected the fact that the elderly dog didn't have the patience for toddlers in her space.

Please do keep your DS and the dog apart. You never know the moment, and the consequences are so big it's really not worth the risk.

Original poster
Filimou · 02/12/2013 07:14

Thank you. I just can't believe he'd put the happiness of his mum's dog/mum, above his own child....

OP posts:
FiveExclamations · 02/12/2013 08:01

I'm guessing the suggestions included giving the dog a stuffed Kong or bone or anything else it would enjoy that will keep it occupied and happy while it is in the kitchen?

Is your MIL enjoying being a martyr? (cynic)

I have a huge, boisterous Labrador, when one of my DD's friends comes for a sleepover a complicated system of baby gates keeps them apart because she's nervous of dogs. If we can do this for a ten year old I'm blowed if I get why IL's can't be flexible for a toddler. UANBU, IL's are.

Whoknowswhocares · 02/12/2013 08:57

Your OH and MIL are idiots. Yanbu. Not AT ALL!

The solution to this problem is to train the dog to accept being put in the kitchen for short periods of time and building it up over time. It needs to be started small and when there are no visitors and built up gradually in the same way you would with separation anxiety in a dog being left home alone. Then try doing it with visitors/noise/distractions once it is happy with the concept of the shut door.
Somehow though, I get the impression that MIL is never going to do that in a million years! Stupid woman cannot see that it is in the best interests of not only her grandchild but the dog too to be left in the kitchen.
As for OH, I have little respect for someone who would rather keep the peace than his child safe. Grrrrrrrr.

MTBMummy · 02/12/2013 09:17

YANBU - but good luck.

MIL's dog bit me last Christmas, entirely unprovoked (although I was offering it a piece of MIL's turkey which could be considered a weapon - but that's another thread) and I ended up having to go to hospital and have extensive tests on my eyes as it punctured my eye lid.

Do you think I can get DP or PIL's to see my issue with visiting (they live 8 hours away so we/they always have to stay a few days) not a chance in hell - they think I'm over reacting, so these visits cause me huge amounts of stress and unhappiness as I spend the entire time helicoptering over DD to ensure her safety

fluffyraggies · 02/12/2013 09:20

Stick to your guns.

DH is being daft, MIL is being even dafter!

Sitting in the kitchen with the dog??! Good grief.

Let sanity prevail and say the mutt stays in the kitchen.

(really sorry to hear your DH is pandering to his mum actually)

fluffyraggies · 02/12/2013 09:22

MTB did you have a thread about that? I think i remember it! Poor you.

ShockAngry

What is wrong with some dog owners?

SoupDragon · 02/12/2013 09:23

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

OTOH, how is your DS around dogs now? If he is scared of them, I think you should work on minimising that and teaching him how to be safe around dogs - not just your MILs dog, all dogs.

fluffyraggies · 02/12/2013 09:25

In fact OP i'd have a toys out of the pram moment over this and say that you wont risk your DC being bitten and if she's going to be sat in the kitchen with the dog then there's no point in taking her GC over at all! Ever! Angry

chocolatelime · 02/12/2013 09:25

YANBU and your MIL is being quite irresponsible by not training this dog properly. I am a huge dog lover, but I would not allow this dog near my children. Your MIL is not doing the dog any favours at all by sitting in the kitchen with the dog and is, in fact, nurturing this unstable behaviour.

Stand firm. There is no way this dog should have any contact with a small child. If your MIL is prepared to work on the dog's training, then maybe this could change in the future, but it does not sound like she really acknowledges that the dog has any issues.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 02/12/2013 09:29

tell them that the dog can come back in as long as it has a muzzle on?

gleekster · 02/12/2013 09:31

YANBU
Is this the only issue with MIL? Does DH generally put her needs and feelings ahead of yours?

I would definitely try to get her to visit you rather than you going there, and make the visits less frequent and shorter, or cut them out completely if MIL isn't really seeing you at all but just sitting with the dog.

I would have blasted DH over this.

Jinty64 · 02/12/2013 09:36

YANBU. We have a lovely, gentle, huge, family friendly Labrador that we brought home, as a puppy, when ds3 was 3 months old. They have grown up together and the dog has never shown any signs that he is not completely happy with this. I still have the dog outside or in the kitchen if ds3 (7) is playing alone. They are only together when dh or I are with them. When other children visit the dog goes outside (kennel and run)
Better safe than sorry.

shelscrape · 02/12/2013 09:39

YANBU. My lovely old dog was a right softy, but got relegated to the kitchen behind a baby gate as soon as ds became mobile. They ended up firm friends in the end, but that was a mild mannered old plodder of a gun dog who knew he had to behave. Your mil has got to control her dog, its a basic safety issue. A muzzle might be an idea, I used to muzzle my old dog when I groomed his coat as a precaution. You can get soft canvas type muzzles which stop them opening their jaws to bite .... might be a compromise?

midori1999 · 02/12/2013 09:40

The sensible thing to do in this situation is for your MIL to get a (decent!) behaviourist out and for the dog to wear a muzzle when your child is about. There's no reason at all for a muzzle to be seen as a negative thing.

That said, I don't really blame your MIL for sitting with the dog in the short time. Regardless of the dogs behaviour, it's quite cruel to leave an anxious dog shut away on its own and surely if its making that much noise it must be impossible to ignore and have a conversation over anyway? It's obviously not a long term solution though.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/12/2013 09:44

YADNBU!

It astounds me how blind some owners are about their wonderful pet dogs who'd never harm anyone.....

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 02/12/2013 09:49

Your DH is an idiot, if he thinks he can control a 2 year old, and hes a bigger idiot if he thinks the dog wouldnt go for your DS, whilst on his lap, dog has attacked once, putting it back in the mix with your DS, will make it think it can do it again, and it could be fatal next time. You never give a dog a second chance.

bigbrick · 02/12/2013 09:50

yanbu - just don't visit mil house as she puts the dog as more important than the child. She needs to rehome it so she can have her grandchild round. I have a dog and this is the best thing to do if she's not in charge of the dog and it has lunged for your child.

lilyaldrin · 02/12/2013 09:53

YANBU - when I was a child my Nan always shut her dogs out when we were visiting. In retrospect she loved her dogs but she was a very sensible dog owner and wouldn't have go herself into a situation where her dogs were too "anxious" to be in a different room!