To want MILs dog to stay in the kitchen.

[Filimou]

A few months ago mils dog lunged at our ds (2) when he fell on the floor at her house.
It was only quick reflexes and good fortune that the dog didnt get his jaws round his face
Since then we have insisted that the dog is locked in the kitchen when we visit. The dog doesnt like this and yelps and barks and tries to get out becoming quite distressed, so MIL goes and sits in the kitchen with it...so needless to say our visits are getting shorter . After receiving some excellent ideas for keeping the dog calm here, we suggested them to MIL who just wants to keep sitting in there with it.
At the weekend we went to visit and the dog started whimpering again, as we were packing up dh suggested that maybe next time the dog could come in as long as ds sat on dh lap. I was .
For a start how can ds at 2 be relied on to sit still on dhs lap, why should he feel afraid??? Most of all I just cant trust that dog. I just cant. So AIBU to refuse, to stick to my guns and say, if its not in the kitchen we are NOT visiting with ds.

To be fair to the dog, it did not attack the OPs child unprovoked. It was startled when asleep by the toddler falling close to it as far as I recall. It didn't make contact but air snapped and the child was quickly scooped up by its mum.

The dog is obviously wary of the child and probably visa-versa now! They should definitely be kept apart but rehoming or putting down the dog seems more than a little premature.
The situation needs careful management, absolutely no doubt. The problem seems to be getting MIL and OH to step up to their responsibilities in keeping the situation safe. Stay strong OP, you are the one in the right here!

''A few months ago mils dog lunged at our ds (2) when he fell on the floor at her house. It was only quick reflexes and good fortune that the dog didnt get his jaws round his face''

Nothing about the dog being woken from sleep. Neither did it 'air-snap' the way i read it.

Dogs shouldn't be lunging at kids with the intent to bite.

YADNBU I have seen a child whose face was mauled by their neighbours friendly dog at a family bbq. It only has to happen once and no one can know what the dog is thinking.

I just wouldn't visit them at all.

Just like to add i'm not a dog hater. I grew up around dogs and own Great Danes.

Fluffyraggies
That info came from the OP's previous thread, not this one. Obviously most people will not be aware of it.

I wouldn't visit until there was a firm agreement that the dog stay in the kitchen every time, for the duration of the visit. If this was violated I'd leave and not visit for a while.

But saying the dog should be rehomed or put down is nasty and extreme.

It's the best thing to rehome a dog that is out of control as the owner cannot look after it properly

YADNBU! Your dh is being very irresponsible suggesting it, and you would be irresponsible allowing it to happen. Some dog owners are delusional, don't let them wear you down on this one, like others have said, stick to your guns.

MIL has got a big dog. I remember her telling me how she'd kicked it in the face when it nipped at her, and dragged it home by it's choker chain for nipping at someone else. I told dh then that it could never be in the same room as our kids. Shortly after, dss went there to stay overnight. DH told MIL to make sure not to let the dog in the house (it stayed outside most of the time anyway - again, why bloody bother?), but when dss came back he told us that she had let it in and it had bounded straight over and jumped onto his shoulders with its front legs, knocking him over. I haven't been back there with the dc's since (prob 2 1/2 years). If I was her I'd get rid of the dog and see my grandkid's, but then I'm a bloody normal person.

Your MIL is staying in the kitchen with a whining dog instead of spending time with her child and grandchild. If that is her only solution to the problem, it's a stupid one, and saying that the dog should be rehomed is not nasty and extreme , it would be perfectly reasonable - to a reasonable person.

The dog brigade

Im part of the 'dog brigade' and i would refuse to have any guest in my house feel unwelcome or scared because of a dog. Mine goes in the kitchen or utility room as soon as anyone requests it. Even if it's someone in for 2 minutes like a delivery person or meter reader.

If the dog is unhappy then MIL should be trying to make the kitchen a happy place for him. If she wants you to visit that is. She is doing the dog no favours by refusing to retrain him to enjoy being alone in the kitchen. He is stressed and she isnt dealing with it.

random, I am a reasonable person, thanks, as are my opinions.

Keeping the dog away from the child addresses the problem perfectly well. There's no mention that the dog is otherwise out of control.

I stand by my comment that rehoming would be extreme and is a nasty suggestion. It might be a different matter if it was the OP's dog and therefore lived with the child, but it's not her dog to have rehomed or put down.

It doesn't need to be rehomed or PTS...just kept away from young children, which is perfectly sensible and easily done and it's ridiculous that the owner is not training the dog to be settled in another room.

For what it's worth though - I don't care how quick your reflexes are, unless you're an actual superhero then you can't react quickly enough to stop a dog biting if it really wants to.

I'd still be keeping that dog away because next time it might bite because its warning didn't work, but if it had wanted to actually bite it would have.

YANBU. Asking MIL to have dog in kitchen while DS visits is a perfectly reasonable request, not some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.
For MIL to go and and sit in kitchen martyrlike to comfort her bereft pooch (ignoring any other solution to the whining) is well a bit bonkers IMO.
I love dogs but dogs who are not used to small children and toddlers not used to dogs are not good mix. Toddler might be too rough with dog, too noisy, startle dog. Dog might knock child over, trip it up, jump up and scratch, etc..... better to separate really.

Your MIL is a manipulative martyr and your DH is trying to pander to keep the peace. Both your DH and MIL are bonkers. Stick to your guns, no matter how uncomfortable your MIL's actions (and she might ratchet them up when her martyring herself in the kitchen doesn't work) make the situation do not back down.

I am considering the suggestion of rehoming the dog as reasonable in light of the fact that the MIL's only other actual response to the situation is missing family visits, and staying in the kitchen with the dog. She is obviously of the opinion that there is no other solution that would work, she knows about the other things she could try from the op and she hasn't/couldn't implement them. In that case the options left for her would be keeping the dog and missing her family visits or rehoming, apparently. I know which one I'd choose, and I definitely would not consider it nasty or extreme to suggest it to her. But it's a moot point really, because she's hardly going to be inclined to agree to rehoming, I'm sure that it is her intention to be a martyr in the kitchen, hoping that the PA will wear the op and her dh down (it's working) and force them to acquiesce so she can get what she wants and not have the DIL calling the shots (God forbid!), even if that puts the op's son/her grandchild at risk.

I would feel like it was nasty and extreme to ignore my 2yo grandchild so that I could comfort a dog in another room every time he visits.

get your mil to come and visit you minus the dog i wouldnt go i have a dog who can be loopy sometimes i wouldnt trust him with a toddler not that he would go for a toddler but you never ever can trust a dog, your mil is bonkers and it really isnt worth visiting her if she isnt even in the same room as you

Stop visiting MIL. Seriously. She can visit you, without the dog, or go without grandchild contact. Her choice.

I have two dogs. They don't much like being put in the kitchen on their own, but it does them no harm. They are safe, warm, in familiar surroundings with toys and chews. They can hear me talking, so know they're not abandoned. Your MIL is being a bit ridiculous and seems to me to be making a point. Personally, I always put the dogs out in the kitchen behind a baby gate when we have visiting children. I don't want the stress or responsibility of supervising nervous children or children who poke/prod/tease the dogs. Keeping them all apart seems like the least stressful solution to me, so I'm always slightly when people insist on mixing dogs and children when they know that someone is uncomfortable with it. Seems to me that the dog has clearly shown that it is uncomfortable with your DS. It's unfair to expect the dog to suddenly get over its fear, and its unfair to expect your DS to keep himself safe. You can't reason with the dog or your toddler, neither has the understanding. Your MIL needs a reality check, and so does your DH.

YANBU

My PILs, lovely though they are, had a bind spot about their bad-tempered old dog. Even after it bit their DGS, who was toddling past it minding his own business. PFB was four months old when that happened and I was

It took my DH to say to them that if the dog touched PFB he would have it put down (he wouldn't) to make them see sense.

Our dog has grown up around children, is always very friendly and has never even air-snapped, but I put him in his sleeping cage with a chewy treat when my DC have friends over. Not because I think he would hurt anyone, but because I cannot absolutely 100% guarantee that he wouldn't.

I have a fantastic relationship with my mum and absolutely love dogs.

BUT she had a dog that would give a warning bark at the children (often without warning). To me that is one step away from biting but my parents were very much in denial about this.

I didn't visit often and when I did visit I would remove the dog and stay for a very short period of time.

I would absolutely refuse to visit.

Fluffy I did post at the time, and I think I recall seeing you on the thread.

sadly one visit from a behaviorist was all they did and have since done nothing to improve the situation, as you can probably guess I'm thrilled at the prospect of Christmas at their house this year

Also forgot to add, I don't blame the dog so much. I have a very trusty old collie that has never so much as growled at any of us. I still would not leave him alone with my children when they are young. No dog is 100% trustworthy, they mask illness very well.

I have dogs and would make sure she shut her dog away or she came to you.

My dogs are separated from our children whenever we leave the room, then visitors who are not keen on dogs come round etc my dogs accept this because we have made the kitchen their bedroom, they eat there they sleep there, they have all their toys in there.

If my dogs ever went for someone in my house they would be gone quicker than you could say dog behaviourist! I'm fact we had a husky once when my first was born he bit my dad so bad the scars are there many years later the second that happens the dog was not allowed back in my house and was rehomed to a specialist.

Watching with interest. My (otherwise really lovely) ILs have a terrier who is totally not in any way trained. They see it as their child and dote on it, but never discipline it. It is one of those dogs that pisses on people's shoes, jumps up at you, bites feet, clambers all over you on the sofa trying to nip your arms and ears...until now it's just been annoying, but now we have a baby I'm really anxious about it being near her.

They live far away and visit without it (for now - we've pleaded we're being pfb about germs), but we'll have to visit. And they're desperate to introduce baby to dog (which they refer to as her 'uncle' . They envisage toddler DD playing with it. Not going to happen - am dreading the conversation. I think locking in the kitchen is reasonable and what I was going to suggest, but think they'd react just like your MiL.

I am slightly bemused that people think rehoming the dog is an option.......the MIL won't even put it in the kitchen alone, never mind give it up!!
If the dog lived with the OP and was with the child 24/7 then actually, I'd agree rehoming would be something to consider. It would be too stressful for all concerned and a nightmare to forever keep them apart. But an occasional visiting child shouldn't prevent the dog living there, so long as they are kept completely apart during visits.
If not, then refusing to visit and having grandparents see you all elsewhere is the only sensible option