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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to go out and get drunk?

78 replies

Throwaway5104 · 30/11/2013 23:46

AIBU to not want DH to go out and get drunk?

We welcomed DS2 to the world 12 days ago.

DH's friend is having a 40th birthday party next weekend and he wants to go out for a 'proper night out'. Some of his childhood friends are musicians and they are getting the band back together for one last time!

He has arranged for DS1 to stay at his Mum's for the night.

Although I don't mind him nipping out for a bit, I'd much rather he didn't go out and have 5 or 6 pints. I'm concerned that if there were an emergency he'd be incapable if helping out.

He's a good dad. He's taken 4 weeks off work and is helping out. He does most of the nappies, the school run, cooks most of the meals - and I really appreciate all of that. Which is partly why I feel mean asking him not to go out for a 'proper night out'.

I am a bit sad that he doesn't seem to able to see this from my point of view.

So - AIBU?

OP posts:
pictish · 30/11/2013 23:48

I think you are, yes. Sorry.

WaffilyVersatile · 30/11/2013 23:48

Honestly I think YABU. He has organised childcare for your older child and its a 1 off thing.. I would want him to go and have fun

AhoyMcCoy · 30/11/2013 23:50

I think a bit U, but you're allowed to be. If all his childhood friends are meeting up, and it's a friends 40th, then it's not like he's going to out get pissed for the sake of it. It seems like he'd be really missing out, and only in case of an emergency, which is probably unlikely.

Let him have his night out, and you have your when you are ready. I think it will all be fine.

wheretoyougonow · 30/11/2013 23:51

Let him go and have some fun.

softlysoftly · 30/11/2013 23:52

Yabu you should be able to cope sorry

YeahButWhatIf · 30/11/2013 23:57

YANBU. I don't see why people need to go out and get drunk. I think, sure go out for a night out and you could have a friend over, but I don't understand why people feel the need to get hammered, so YANBU. It's not necessary and you've just had a baby!

ilovesooty · 30/11/2013 23:59

Another YABU here too.

Titsalinabumsquash · 01/12/2013 00:00

YANBU from me, I think compromising and asking him to go nut please be back by x time is a good half way point.

ThisIsMyRealName · 01/12/2013 00:04

Sorry, but I think YABU.

You can't live you're lives thinking 'what if there's an emergency'

Let him go and arrange your own night out as soon as you feel up to it Smile

Lisavarna · 01/12/2013 00:06

YABU. Having 5 or 6 pints over a night does not mean he is going to be hammered unless he is what, 8 stone or something???

He may be a little drunk, but so what, its not a habitual thing and it sounds like he really pulls his weight the rest of the time at home so i really can't see anything wrong with him going out for a few hours to a 40th.

What sort of emergency do you foresee happening anyhow? IF it was that serious you can always ring 999. Do you just not like him drinking at all?

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 01/12/2013 00:07

" I don't mind him nipping out for a bit"

How very generous of you, OP. Hmm

caruthers · 01/12/2013 00:16

He shouldn't need permission and your blessing.

YouTheCat · 01/12/2013 00:24

He's taken 4 weeks off? Surely you can manage for one night and possibly the next day?

youaremychocolatecake · 01/12/2013 00:27

Sounds a bit unfair to me, sorry... He shouldn't need your permission and he sounds great! My OH went back to work 4 days after my c section because he's self employed, I also have a 4 year old to get to school and I've coped ok. Let him go have fun Smile x

Mia4 · 01/12/2013 00:29

I think YABU unless, if roles were reversed, he'd have the arse about you going. This is a one off and 5-6 pint won't make him all that drunk as long as he avoids shots and wine.

But YWNBU to make it clear that he will have to deal with the kids along with you the next day and to ask out a rough time he'll be home.

Droflove · 01/12/2013 01:25

Yep, imo unreasonable. Sorry.

Financeprincess · 01/12/2013 01:34

Be nice and encourage him to go with a good grace. It will pay dividends. If you try to stop him or make him feel bad about going, it will lead to resentment. It's only one night!

drbonnieblossman · 01/12/2013 01:43

no reason he shouldn't go really. if there's an emergency you'll just have to deal with it alone. Though an emergency is unlikely.

Trills · 01/12/2013 01:56

It's hard because even if you wanted to you wouldn't be able to do the same, and you probably wouldn't want to.

But you are still being unreasonable.

If there is a emergency, you are an adult and you have just one child to look after, and you have done it before. Your older child is elsewhere and you are not inexperienced with children. If there is a emergency you will be better able to cope than many many other parents.

Annakin31 · 01/12/2013 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 01/12/2013 02:27

I am a right cow about things like this and even I think YAB a bit U.

I would insist that he stayed at his mums though instead of coming home. If there is one thing worse than a broken night with a newborn it is a broken night with a newborn and a pissed up arse snoring like a pig and smelling like a brewers jock strap!

Weeantwee · 01/12/2013 02:55

Yabu, who can be certain he will get drunk, it's not guaranteed?!

GColdtimer · 01/12/2013 03:11

YAB totally U, sorry

It's not a regular event, your DS1 will be elsewhere (arranged by your DH), he sounds like a good dad, and its a one off chance to get together with old friends and let his hair down.

Mckayz · 01/12/2013 03:14

Yabu. It's just one night. If you need to go to hospital call a taxi or an ambulance.

MiniMonty · 01/12/2013 03:21

YAB (well and deeply) U !!

His old mate - 40th birthday - landmark event !
(yes - you've both just had a landmark event of your own)
but are you expecting an "emergency"? If one happens then 999 is always a better option than anyone in the room so what is your issue?
Can't you look after DS1 and the baby for ONE WHOLE NIGHT without him?
Really ??