Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to go out and get drunk?

78 replies

Throwaway5104 · 30/11/2013 23:46

AIBU to not want DH to go out and get drunk?

We welcomed DS2 to the world 12 days ago.

DH's friend is having a 40th birthday party next weekend and he wants to go out for a 'proper night out'. Some of his childhood friends are musicians and they are getting the band back together for one last time!

He has arranged for DS1 to stay at his Mum's for the night.

Although I don't mind him nipping out for a bit, I'd much rather he didn't go out and have 5 or 6 pints. I'm concerned that if there were an emergency he'd be incapable if helping out.

He's a good dad. He's taken 4 weeks off work and is helping out. He does most of the nappies, the school run, cooks most of the meals - and I really appreciate all of that. Which is partly why I feel mean asking him not to go out for a 'proper night out'.

I am a bit sad that he doesn't seem to able to see this from my point of view.

So - AIBU?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 01/12/2013 11:33

chunderella what are you even saying the father does not to be around 24/7 to mop the brow of the mother because she managed to squeeze a ababy out !

Strokethefurrywall · 01/12/2013 14:36

Yes, kindly OP you're being unreasonable.

What kind of emergency are you anticipating that your husband would be a saving grace? Surely you'd call an ambulance or drive to hospital yourself in that unlikely event?

Your DH sounds like he's taking on a fantastic share of running the house and looking after you all, so grow some ladyballs and deal with it for the night.

SybilRamkin · 01/12/2013 14:40

YABU, but I think you've probably guessed that by now!

everlong · 01/12/2013 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 01/12/2013 14:46

I think he's tried his best to make sure you're not unfairly burdened-he has arranged for your older child to go to grandparents. The suggestion up thread that dh should also stay at his mother's is good - it means he won't disturb you or the baby coming in, and can take responsibility for DC1 the following day.

everlong · 01/12/2013 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 01/12/2013 14:50

YABVU.

I hope he has a great night and enjoys his shocking 5 or 6 pints.

NigellaLaw5on · 01/12/2013 14:58

YABVU, imagine if this thread was about the OP wanting to go to a friends 40th and DH didn't want to be left alone with a 3week old baby in case of an emergency, and didn't want the OP to drink when she was out.
The cries of "LTB" would be heard throughout the land.
Let him have his well deserved night out and plan a night out for yourself while you're at it.

Bowlersarm · 01/12/2013 15:00

YABU, but you probably know that by now.

kali110 · 01/12/2013 15:25

Agreed nigella

ilovesooty · 01/12/2013 17:04

I would tell him to go have fun but ask if he could just have the one pint so he could drive home to me if I needed him

Really?

MrsLouisTheroux · 01/12/2013 17:09

Another YABU. Sorry OP.

thistlelicker · 01/12/2013 17:18

If you had a normal vaginal delivery with no complications then I think for a few hours you should be able to manage your small baby more than just fine!! If u can't ( it sounds like your dh is does well more than fair share as you have stated) I'm afraid it makes you sound entitled!

However had you had c section and are still recovering then no not unreasonable as you potentially can still have trouble manoeuvring and mobilising!

Interested to hear which is which

JennyOnAPlate · 01/12/2013 17:27

Some of you are being very nasty and I feel sorry for the op.

When dd1 was 3 weeks old I couldn't have coped with looking after her by myself for an evening. I would have fallen apart completely. I had pnd.

Please consider that you don't know the op's history before you flame her.

DreamingofFour · 01/12/2013 17:41

You are being very reasonable! At 3 weeks post delivery you haven't fully recovered, and you have had at least 3 weeks of broken sleep

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 01/12/2013 17:42

Sorry op have no idea of your point all I heard in your op was "waaaaa I wanna go out but can't waaaaaa" which actually I'd have been much more supportive of! Dressing it up the way you did makes me side with dh.

Yabu

justmakingdo · 01/12/2013 17:43

Yep, YABU

Topseyt · 01/12/2013 18:00

Let him go. It sounds as if he is pulling his weight properly around the house and has been very supportive to you. He has even made arrangements for his mum to look after your older child so that you and the baby can have some time together without worrying too much.

One night off for him is perfectly reasonable. By the time each of my babies was three weeks old my husband had already had to return to work. I coped. I had no choice.

I think if you continue to make an issue where there is none then he may resent you for it. Don't risk that. Is there any possibility that for that night you could have a friend, family member or your own mum round to give you company, as I guess that is what you feel you need??

As for the "emergency", it is very unlikely. Anyway, a true emergency can happen at any time and anywhere. You can't plan for it, and you can't just never go out because there "might" be an emergency.

I'll end on a more compassionate note though, because I remember by your stage post birth I was still battling with raging hormones and was capable of panicking and reading far too much into just about anything. Try to relax as much as you can. It will be fine.

ferretyfeet · 01/12/2013 18:07

For goodness sake give the man a break,

CelticPromise · 01/12/2013 19:08

It would be ok with me for him to go. If it was a private party and I was invited I might go too with baby in a sling. I think YABU.

redshifter · 01/12/2013 19:15

I think YABVU.

Though I wish you would come back and tell us what you are thinking now?

Oblomov · 01/12/2013 19:35

OP?
Gone. Like Everlong suggested, me thinks.

MillyStar · 01/12/2013 19:40

I think yabu!!

Sounds like he does his fair share and it's one night and maybe a lie in the next day

5 or 6 pints is just a warm up for some men I know!!

How do you think us single mothers cope??

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 01/12/2013 19:43

YABU... give the man a break

BigFatGoalie · 01/12/2013 19:50

When DD was 12 days old my DH's friends of 20 years were having a leaving party as the were emigrating. It was in another town and he went to stay the night. I had NO family to help so spent the night at home alone with baby. Was nervous but let him go and he had a ball.
Let him go with a kiss and a hug and tell him to have fun and then when it's your turn in a few months time you'll have amassed a few brownie points Grin
And no, the house didn't burn down, DD didn't explode and we were absolutely fine!