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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to go out and get drunk?

78 replies

Throwaway5104 · 30/11/2013 23:46

AIBU to not want DH to go out and get drunk?

We welcomed DS2 to the world 12 days ago.

DH's friend is having a 40th birthday party next weekend and he wants to go out for a 'proper night out'. Some of his childhood friends are musicians and they are getting the band back together for one last time!

He has arranged for DS1 to stay at his Mum's for the night.

Although I don't mind him nipping out for a bit, I'd much rather he didn't go out and have 5 or 6 pints. I'm concerned that if there were an emergency he'd be incapable if helping out.

He's a good dad. He's taken 4 weeks off work and is helping out. He does most of the nappies, the school run, cooks most of the meals - and I really appreciate all of that. Which is partly why I feel mean asking him not to go out for a 'proper night out'.

I am a bit sad that he doesn't seem to able to see this from my point of view.

So - AIBU?

OP posts:
cupcake78 · 01/12/2013 03:26

I agree op. Your not telling him he can't go your asking him to be considerate of the situation at home.

People don't need to go our and get drunk! They need a break from routine, fun with friends. This does not mean getting pissed!

GColdtimer · 01/12/2013 03:34

Fgs regardless of whether anyone else thinks he shouldn't "need" to go out for a few drinks, he would like to. And op is bu to try and stop him because he shouldn't "need" to go.

It's hardly a regular occurrence.

Bogeyface · 01/12/2013 03:39

People don't need to go our and get drunk! They need a break from routine, fun with friends. This does not mean getting pissed!

Full House!

"You dont need to get drunk to have fun"

No you dont, but sometimes its nice to know that if you do end up getting drunk then you wont get an earholing when you get home! I am sure he will go out with the intention of having a couple of beers and a laugh, but then 8 beers later he is in a bit of a state because he was having a good time and was surfing the wave.

The OP can go 2 ways with this. Either "Go but if you have more than 2 drinks we will have words" so he cant enjoy himself as he is focussed on making sure that he gets home by 11 fully in control of his faculties. OR she can say "Ok, but could you sleep at your mums/friends/brothers/park bench? I dont want to have to deal with your drunk snoring as well as the baby! Have a good time :) "

The first creates an issue but the second means that he gets to celebrate a special even with his mate with no hard feelings anywhere.

Squitten · 01/12/2013 03:48

I think YABU

DD is 3wks old. When she was 4 days old DH asked if he could go out to a drinks thing at the community project he works on. I said yes - our two boys were in bed and I'm BF DD so he can't do that. The chances of emergency are slim and help is a telephone call away of really needed. I was up BF anyway when he got home.

It's a big birthday and you'll be fine

JapaneseMargaret · 01/12/2013 05:34

Really? You don't want him to go out in case there's an emergency?

He can't see this from your point of view, because, and I say this kindly, you're being unreasonable.

BakeOLiteGirl · 01/12/2013 08:33

Yanbu I've been a single parent from day one and had to deal with many emergencies alone. You just deal with it.

BakeOLiteGirl · 01/12/2013 08:34

Of course that should be yabu thank you phone

pictish · 01/12/2013 08:36

As an asides, I always feel really irritated by the "why does anyone need to go out and get drunk" responses to these things.
I'll tell you why....because he bloody well wants to! He is an adult and he can decide that for himself.

I would hate to be married/in a relationship with someone that gave me the stink eye and the lemon face because I wanted to sink a few with my mates once in a blue moon. How utterly joyless.
No - I don't 'need' to get drunk to have a good time, but I can if I bloody like! And at 38 years of age, I do like.

I didn't get married to be parented by another adult, and given rules and a sodding curfew!

kali110 · 01/12/2013 08:42

Yes, yabvvu. Sounds like you have a lovely and very supportive partner who is doing loads at the mo, let him go and let him have some fun with his friends.

Chunderella · 01/12/2013 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 01/12/2013 10:30

How is not being fully recovered in any way relevant? She is not ILL.
I assume she is able to feed herself and take herself to the toilet, yes?
So he can't take a night off why?

OddFodd · 01/12/2013 10:33

Chunderella - the baby's will be 3 weeks old by next weekend. Unless the OP had a particularly dreadful birth experience (and she doesn't say that she did), she should be fully recovered by then.

If there's an emergency, the OP should be able to deal with it herself, given, you know, she's an adult.

OP - YABVVU

OddFodd · 01/12/2013 10:36

the baby, not the baby's

YouTheCat · 01/12/2013 10:37

The day I came back from the hospital with twins my ex was off out on the drink, and the next night... and the next. He took no time off work and hardly even bothered with our babies let alone me. I'd say mine was a ltselfishb situation. I'd had a section and just had to get on with it every bloody day.

Your dh is asking (how I wish I had ever been asked if it was okay) if it is okay. He has arranged for your eldest to go to his mum's so you only have yourself and a baby to cope with. He has taken 2 weeks more than the paternity leave and is being helpful and considerate.

Give the poor bloke a break.

WhoNickedMyName · 01/12/2013 10:38

YABVU.

roughtyping · 01/12/2013 10:48

OP, I think I can see where you're coming from, but I think (as a PP said) best thing to do is take a deep breath and wave him off. Then plan when you get your next night out, with him babysitting :)

harriet247 · 01/12/2013 10:56

I think yanbu! I was on edge after birth of my ds for about 6 weeks, bit if a horror birth so I was just really anxious. I would tell him to go have fun but ask if he could just have the one pint so he could drive home to me if I needed him.
He doesn't need to be pissed to enjoy seeing his mates.

Peacocklady · 01/12/2013 10:59

YABU let him go wholeheartedly and don't phone him when he's out.

SPsWouldCatFishNev · 01/12/2013 11:02

All this 'no one needs to get drunk to have fun' is true but some people want to. I am one of those people who love a good drunken night out.

Its one night and he has arranged for one child to be at his mums so its just you and the baby.

Will neither of you ever do anything 'incase of an emergency?'

hallowisitmeyourelookingfor · 01/12/2013 11:05

YAB ridiculous.
Do you feel like you can't cope with looking after 1 baby alone for a few hours? He has organised childcare for your other DC so it's not even like you have them both to look after.
Get a grip (in a nice way, honestly!) and send him off with your blessing. Sounds like he's going to go anyway, may as well have everything on good terms. It's obviously not a regular occurrence, but I'm really not seeing your 'point of view' here, other than needy.
And bloody hell, he's taking a month off work, taking over majority of household chores and you still seem to begrudge him a night out.
5 or 6 pints will not have him steaming drunk (unless they're really strong and drunk in the space of an hour and a half I guess).
What 'emergency' situation do you envisage? You will cope, try not to be so controlling with him.

Chunderella · 01/12/2013 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBabySqueakSqueak · 01/12/2013 11:19

YABU. Get him to sleep on the sofa if he's likely to snore like a walrus, and don't give him a free pass for the whole next day, but a night out isn't unreasonable. It doesn't take two people to look after a baby for one night. He can give you a break the next day, and he owes you one when you fancy a night out.

OddFodd · 01/12/2013 11:23

Fully recovered to the extent that she should be capable of caring for a baby for one evening

Apologies for overstating

pictish · 01/12/2013 11:23

Chunderella when you give birth it means you have a defenceless baby who needs looking after, not that you become one.

One night off is perfectly acceptable for him to have. No question.

mrsjay · 01/12/2013 11:27

yabu what on earth do you think will happen that needs your husband I know you hav e not long had a baby and all that but he isnt nipping to the pub every night it is a one off birthday party with his friends, I do think you need to relax about it , he has organised a sitter for your other child

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