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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want this boy excluded from school.

223 replies

dementedmumof6 · 30/11/2013 20:15

There is a boy in my highschool aged dd year at school, that is currently on police bail for threatening to rape a younger girl he knows. Who has sent inappropriate sexual texts to my daughter and who told one of her friends that as soon as he gets the chance he was going to rape her and that she would enjoy it.

For the last month he has been in seclusion, enters school after everyone else , is taught on his own and leaves early,

However the friend that he threatened to rape has been told that as of Monday he will be back in class as normal until it goes to court and that to keep her safe she is to make sure that she doesn't go anywhere in the school without someone with her at all times , when she asked them to clarify was told that she was to have one of her friends with her (so not even an adult ) even to go to the toilet,so that he can't approach her.

So the question is would I be unreasonable to go into school and insist that this isn't appropriate that if they are worried about the boys behaviour he should either have a teacher with him at all times or be excluded , and he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near any of the girls in the school.

OP posts:
LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 30/11/2013 20:35

I'd go to the Head, Governers, LEA and anyone else who can help, how disgusting is it that this thing is gonna be allowed to be near to a young girl who is probably getting terrified about going to school, if i was that girls parents, she'd be out and moved pronto.

morethanpotatoprints · 30/11/2013 20:35

I know it shouldn't be the case but as your dd is not protected I would have her out of school as from immediate effect.
There is no way on Gods earth a child should feel unsafe at school.
Is there anyway you can keep her at home OP, how old is she?

Original poster
dementedmumof6 · 30/11/2013 20:37

headlesslambrini I would normally agree about the innocent until proven guilty however I have a really good relationship with my dd and she showed me the texts as soon as he sent them, and they are now questioning every girl in her year as they have a copy of text he sent to the 12year old sister of one of my dd friends telling her that he loved her and if she loved him she would send him pictures of herself naked which she did.

Truthfully i'm more worried as he is walking about as though nothing has happened even after he got the naked pictures, before he was put in seclusion he was trying to sit with my dd and her friends including the brother of the 12year old and was making jokes about it.
The only reason he didn't get battered was because everyone else walked away from him and dragged the brother with them .

OP posts:
OddBoots · 30/11/2013 20:38

If he isn't excluded then at the very least he need to have constant supervision around school to keep all the girls in the school safe - this isn't about any one girl (your dd or not) ensuing they're never alone, it's about keeping him under constant watch.

soul2000 · 30/11/2013 20:41

OK MME. If the Boy is to be Educated, it has to be in solitary aware from any mainstream school or any one.

If i was even a teacher i would be wary of being in the same room as him. , If he is saying this at 14 , even if it is just a threat he is very dangerous .

What is he going to be like at 19/20?

MmeLindor · 30/11/2013 20:44

Soul
absolutely agree with that. His behaviour is very worrying.

soapboxqueen · 30/11/2013 20:46

He can't be excluded for an accusation. He is innocent until proven guilty with regards to the police action.

The other incidents should be dealt with by the school but within themselves would not be permanent exclusion worthy.

However, it is massively inappropriate to make the girls responsible for protecting themselves. If the school think it is necessary that certain girls should be shaperoned for their own safety then surely all of the girls are at risk. I agree with others that this boy should either be kept in seclusion or chaperoned. If the school struggle to cope with this then they need to be in contact with the lea to formulate a plan of education for the boy at another location.

Cherriesarered · 30/11/2013 20:47

Yanbu. Threaten to go to the local papers. Call every councillor in the council. Abusers and the people that enable them thrive on secrecy. He has the right to an education. He should be in a place where he is supported to learn to respect women! Which clearly isn't happening in this case!

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/11/2013 20:49

If the OP goes to local papers she could find herself in allsorts of trouble and it could put the case against this boy in jeopardy.

phantomnamechanger · 30/11/2013 20:50

do not go to the papers, even if they did not name the people involved it could affect police case.

hermioneweasley · 30/11/2013 20:51

Shocked an appalled at this. Of course if he's the risk he should be chaperoned/isolated. I woukd suggest that all girls are kept off school until this (As a minimum) happens. If enough stay off the school will have to rethink

MmeLindor · 30/11/2013 20:52

No, don't go the local papers. In fact, i would think about having this thread deleted, as this situation is easily recognisable.

zippey · 30/11/2013 20:54

The schools reaction is innapropriate. Why should the victim be told she needs to take the initiative. You're right, the boy should be the one with a chaperone, preferably adult.

ConferencePear · 30/11/2013 21:03

Dementedmumof6 - Are you absolutely sure of your facts ?
Schools are dreadful places for rumour.

phantomnamechanger · 30/11/2013 21:06

on a slightly different tack, another reason for the boy being chaperoned is his own safety - I can well imagine him getting a good kicking and no one having seen anything.....

the school have handled this very poorly

Original poster
dementedmumof6 · 30/11/2013 21:19

ConferencePear obviously I can't be a hundred percent sure about everything that's been alleged but I saw the messages that he sent to my daughter, I was also there when the friend he threatened to rape told her that she isn't allowed to go anywhere on her own anymore and that the police had been up to the school to take her statement, also when another of her friends was saying how he pinned her down but that she doesn't want to go to the police iincase they think she is making it up as so many girls have come forward to say he had been making inappropriate comments to them .

I wasn't suppose to hear the last one I was in another room and heard thru the door so even if only half of what alleged is true he is still a very dangerous boy.

OP posts:
rumbleinthrjungle · 30/11/2013 21:27

Can you ask to see the school risk assessment of this? There should be one on paper.

ConferencePear · 30/11/2013 21:33

I wasn't asking if the girls were being truthful - I wondered if you were absolutely sure about the new school arrangements starting on Monday.

ilovesooty · 30/11/2013 22:49

friday16 I don't see why you're insinuating that the female members of staff have any responsibility for this disturbing situation.

friday16 · 30/11/2013 22:51

When was the last time you went into a co-educational state school and found that it had an all-male SMT? No, me neither.

Jengnr · 30/11/2013 23:45

The boy needs to be the one supervised. NOT the victim(s)

ilovesooty · 30/11/2013 23:55

You mentioned the female staff not female SMT. Incidentally my last school's SMT was entirely male throughout the 10 years I worked there.

Retroformica · 01/12/2013 01:20

The school are loco parentis in their parents absence and the school has a duty of care to your child/friends child.

I don't believe hanging round in a pair will protect from rape. Email the head/governors and explain you are concerned that the school is failing in their duty of care. They are failing to keep DD safe.

Bunbaker · 01/12/2013 01:49

This is completely wrong. I would contact the chair of governors and the governor responsible for safeguarding with your concerns. The school has completely failed to protect its pupils.

ilovesooty · 01/12/2013 02:30

I agree that this is completely wrong and is an appalling lack of safeguarding and duty of care to pupils. However I imagine the female teachers feel pretty unsafe too.