To take it personally that this mum excluded dd from party as RSVP too late

[Fakeblondie]

Ok I responded very late , the day before to a party invite to a play zone for dd aged 3 from a lo at her play school.
I'd lost the invite and asked my friend ( the teacher ) if she'd mind telling the mum dd could come to her ds party when she arrived to pick up her son that afternoon as I wouldn't see her and had no contact no
I then received a text from the mum saying at this short notice she could not add my dd to the party as numbers and food orders had already been done.
Now I have 4 dc and yes it's extremely irritating when people don't respond until the day before a party. Sometimes I've even had children turn up I wasn't expecting .
while I put my hands up to the lateness it was the day before and a simple phone call would have been all that was needed it was 4pm and I know if it was me I would have just called the play barn and added one more child .
Sometimes I have felt like sending such a text but I never would really .. it's my dd I felt sorry for. We had been shopping and chosen a present card and a nice bag together and she was really excited as it was her first proper invited party . I then had to tell her we couldn't go and I felt like the worst mum.
I've been working too many hours and won't let that happen again because I've missed appointments forgotten to send things into school and now this . If I wasn't working such silly hours with no help and 4 dc I wouldn't have lost the invite and would have got around to replying earlier .Do you honestly think I'm being unteasonable to think this mum was unreasonable for not adding dd . Or am I being un reasonable and should expect this if one doesn't RSVP earlier ? I have taken it personally and maybe others would do same and not add child . I know how irritating late replies can be but I honestly would never do that x

But Weller if they don't turn up your Out of pocket, it might nt be only 1 but 3,5,9 people, that's a lot of money to lose especially if money is tight. I suppose she could have texted you to see if youwere coming before

Our local soft play is 12 ph which is a lot of money when you have more than 1 no show

I have always took no replying to RSVP as a yes

Even when that involves paying for the child up front?

I agree Mmmmmm it's the parents responsibility not party mums, and it's the parent who has to deal with the fall out, not party mum. Hopefully next time then this wont hapen and opwill be more rganised

I have the solution Yama if the venue says it's too late to add extra children then the birthday child could drop out to make space for the late replier. That seems much more fair.

Maybe she invited another child in your dd's place when it was apparent she wasn't coming? Why would you imagine she should pay for a place for your dd on the off chance you might just stir yourself to get her there on the day, when you couldn't even be arsed to send a text?
She wasn't EXCLUDED, you hadn't the manners to accept the invitation.

I sometimes think I live in a parallel universe when on mn.

One where all parents are perfect, all RSVP to parties well in advance of the date.

Where you invite a specific number of children to a party and make exactly that number of party bags. Not even a couple extra, just in case.

Where mythical venues churning out sausage and pizza and chips can't possibly add on another child at last minute. In fact, these venues require a full weeks notice to know how many frozen sausages they need to defrost!

Where there is a back up list of children, who are only invited to back fill a place of a child who can't come...meaning budget restraints mean the original child couldn't possibly come if the RSVP is late.

Pfft. I prefer it in my world. Where you realise people aren't perfect, plan a contingency (such as preparing an extra couple of party bags) and stop fibbing about venues needing a weeks notice to prepare a plate of deep fried crap for a 5 year old

Good God, some morons people actually think ignoring the invitation indicates acceptance?
What the fuck?

OP did the invitation say RSVP by - such and such a date?

Keeping up - the only rudeness comes from parents who turn up without letting the party planning family know.

Have you bothered reading the thread at all? Plenty of people have pointed out that most soft play type parties have their own limits, or they charge a lot per child. Do you really expect families to pay for a child who hasn't said they are going?

Would you not bother accepting an invite to a wedding and then just turn up and expect to be catered for? I imagine not so why is it acceptable for a childs party?

So you were disorganised and selfish, and the other mum couldn't be fucked chasing you up? It's your fault DD couldn't go to the party and yours alone.

Can't believe you used having 4 DCs as an excuse for your disorganisation. You need to operate with military efficiency with 4 kids, up your game OP.

Maybe the other mother is also working long hours and did not have time to be re-arranging with the venue. Soft play Parties can be very exact about ticket numbers, extra payment, etc.

No one is perfect, we all let things slip, and I think you just need to put this down to experience rather than take it personally.

tbh I think it was a bit rude just to ask the teacher to pass on a message that you were coming. You could have sent a note via the teacher saying 'so sorry, lost the invite, didn't RSVP, but would like to come, will this be possible?'.

YABU

Though most venues we have used are used to this type of thing - less people turning up or more some can be very difficult about it and adding another can be a real pain with part bags and extra cost.

The venues are strict and inflexible. They are loathe to leave leeway for parents who book for 10 and then bring extra siblings and unexpected guests and then just spread the food provided out without paying any extra. Their financial models work on a paid for party food box plus party bag (maybe) plus admission ticket for each guest. They need to know in advance because there are strict rules about the number of staff:children ratio, and they run everything at a bare minimum/ greedy profit margin so can't be / won't be adding and subtracting one child here and there every day up until the start of the party.

Staff ratios? That is nonsense it clearly says at every one I've been to that its the parents responsibility to supervise kids.

If you turn up with one extra or more siblings you get charged. That's how it is round here anyway.

Keeping up, I have planned a few good arties for my dd, yes all the parents in every party replied well before the party, it's good manners, what th hellare you're teaching children! Yes with these venues they do need numbers, they have more than one party to organise, why should party hosts be out of pocket because parents don't reply. Your gripe should be with people lie op, not party mum who has kindly invited op dd to her dd party. the op should have offered to pay for her dd and bought some food for her dd in te cafe sout could bees ten with the others!

I had this exact situation last week except I was the party organiser. Some extra children turned up on the day, and some who had said they were coming, didn't turn up but it wasn't a big deal. However I'm lucky to live in the same sort of place as KeepingUp where the soft play bills you for the children who come. I also live in a world where invites don't always make it home from school or nursery, or make it home a week after they were handed in.

If I'd invited your dd, it wouldn't have bothered me that you didn't reply until the day before.

Agree with pp...there is NO staff ratio at soft play. There is no legal necessity for it. What an odd concept.

YABU. I'm sending out invitations on Monday. We're sharing a party with a child who has a huge extended family and friend network. There are quite a few children who we would like to invite but the venue is too small so I've put an FSVP date. I haven't put it for fun, we need to know so that other children can be accommodated if possible. If people don't RSVP we'll assume they're not coming.

This is made worse by the fact that several people didn't RSVP to DD1's last party and didn't turn up so we had empty spaces that could have been filled.

Filled by who Gwendoline?

This is what I don't get, the idea of a back up guest list.

Ds's party this year, for instance - at soft play.

He invited the children in his class. Ds2 obviously was included.
There are a few children outside school who he's friendly with, who he invited. Those who came, came, those who didn't...didn't.

If a child isn't important enough to be included in the original party, I think it's a bit of a cheek to include them because someone drops out!

OP said reasonably early on that SWBU - perhaps it would be kind to acknowledge that and dial down the vitriol?

Has Birthday Mother got any older children? She does sound like she is new to all this big party business.

You should have RSVP ed Op, as you concede but it should have been fine to just add your Dd on.

Keeping - whats so hard to get -

Venue says 12 children for party package. Party child and sibling means 10 more can be invited.

8 children confirm they can come, 2 cant come/dont RSVP therefore 2 more children are invited to fill the party and mean places aren't being paid for when not needed.

Sorry but YABU.

I know what it's like when you are working loads and get that it can be hard to stay on top of things, but organising a birthday party can be pretty stressful and it's really frustrating when people don't reply to RSVPs! I personally would never exclude anyone, thankfully the party venues we've used before have been quite understanding with regards to exact numbers, but I don't blame the party mum for doing this!