To take it personally that this mum excluded dd from party as RSVP too late

[Fakeblondie]

Ok I responded very late , the day before to a party invite to a play zone for dd aged 3 from a lo at her play school.
I'd lost the invite and asked my friend ( the teacher ) if she'd mind telling the mum dd could come to her ds party when she arrived to pick up her son that afternoon as I wouldn't see her and had no contact no
I then received a text from the mum saying at this short notice she could not add my dd to the party as numbers and food orders had already been done.
Now I have 4 dc and yes it's extremely irritating when people don't respond until the day before a party. Sometimes I've even had children turn up I wasn't expecting .
while I put my hands up to the lateness it was the day before and a simple phone call would have been all that was needed it was 4pm and I know if it was me I would have just called the play barn and added one more child .
Sometimes I have felt like sending such a text but I never would really .. it's my dd I felt sorry for. We had been shopping and chosen a present card and a nice bag together and she was really excited as it was her first proper invited party . I then had to tell her we couldn't go and I felt like the worst mum.
I've been working too many hours and won't let that happen again because I've missed appointments forgotten to send things into school and now this . If I wasn't working such silly hours with no help and 4 dc I wouldn't have lost the invite and would have got around to replying earlier .Do you honestly think I'm being unteasonable to think this mum was unreasonable for not adding dd . Or am I being un reasonable and should expect this if one doesn't RSVP earlier ? I have taken it personally and maybe others would do same and not add child . I know how irritating late replies can be but I honestly would never do that x

YABU the world doesn't revolve around you

You asked the teacher to pick up the results of your failure to organise yourself? Words fail me.

I feel sorry for your dd, but it does sound as though the numbers had already been finalised, so I'm afraid you really do need to take it on the chin.
As an aside, I really can't see how the fact you have 4dc and have been working a lot is relevant, given that the other mother is (presumably) unaware of these mitigating factors.

Yabu unfortunately.
Get a family calendar, put parties in it as soon as you get the invite and RSVP immediately.
Organising and hosting parties can be difficult and stressful and I'm sure the host mum just can't take any more hassle/phone calls/rearrangement. Maybe she is as busy as you. Just forget about it, your dd will have plenty of parties to go to.

Yours dd is disappointed because of your failing to RSVP on time. It's not really hard thing to do.

I think you are overreacting. The mum concerned is someone who plans properly and ahead and should be commended.

I would always try to fit a last minute replier in but

• some times you literally can't (the venue will tell you no more due to total numbers)

• if you've made up individual party bags it will be a PITA (or even impossible) to produce another at short notice (and the DC will compare and it will be noted if your DD got something different)

• the parent may have assumed you weren't coming, invited someone else and so is at the top of her party budget and not be prepared to go over it for something that is your fault

• she may have had too much of the "running round to fit in extra children at short notice" in previous years and simply had enough.

why not RSVP as soon as you get the invite? Then there's no worries about forgetting.

Well done OP for admitting YWBU.

Yabvu with play places you have to have the exact numbers before, it's not like a private home party. You passed te message through someone else, instead of making t effort to find out the mothers telephone number.

Give the card and present next time you see them and do something nice. Next time hopefully you will be more vigilant!

I'm going to go against the majority and say the Mum is being a dick.

I've always had the odd child turn up with no RSVP. Or an RSVP on the morning of the party. Not great but to say 'no, you can't come' is mean.

How is it mean? It may just not be possible.

but it might not have been possible to add her.
what if she can't afford another place?
what if she has no time to go and sort an extra party bag?
what if the venue are inflexible on adding people with such short notice?

She may have been feeling frazzled. And having some sort of number nightmare with people changing all over the place and thought ok I'm just going to stick to this as it is.

And budget and all that.

Yes, all of that may be true. I still find it mean to tell an invited child that they can no longer come to a party. That 'wrong' is worse than leaving it to the day before to RSVP. Regardless of circumstances.

Well who knows, perhaps it was the venue.

So what exactly should the mother have done yama?

Paid money she possibly couldn't afford for another place?
uninvite another child to stop them going over the numbers for the centre?

The issue here is that the OP didn't RSVP (and the OP has already realised she was being unreasonable) not that the mother didn't cater for people not being polite enough to confirm attendance

And a message through the teacher, probably made it easier to think oh can't be that important.

Yes, I would pay for the invited child's place.

What do you mean by 'AIBU to take it personally'?

Do you think she would have behaved differently if it had been another adult that failed to reply in time?

Yama that's nott party mums fault is it! The lady probably as several like op, no only one, so might be paying for 2 or more, she mabey cannot afford to do that! Op could have said that she would pay, that would have been th right and decent thing to do, considering she left it late. Yes it may not be gourmet cuisine, but these places host several parties in a day and have to be organised to provides service

Save the gift and card for the next child's birthday.

Often these parties in soft play locations have set numbers and food/-bags organised well in advance.

I think good on her! Takes balls to say no. I'm sure she is running round like a headless chicken anyway and really doesn't need the last min hassle.

Of course yabvu what if everyone took that attitude?!

I have always took no replying to RSVP as a yes, I have had many a child who hasn't RSVP arrive at the venue, whilst I don't blame the mum I couldn't of done that to a child for a parents action.

Love how some posters think the blame lies with the party host and not with the parent who couldn't be bothered to reply! No doubt they'd sympathise with the mum who complained to me when her child got a worse party bag than all the others at a party. She hadn't even bothered to reply and I assumed the child wasn't coming so had to rustle up a party bag out of whatever I could find lying about