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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find it a bit odd that DP's ex still wears her wedding ring?

118 replies

purpleroses · 30/11/2013 08:02

That's it really. They've been divorced over 4 years and she lives with new DP too. Seems rather strange to me

OP posts:

MuffCakes · 30/11/2013 08:04

That is odd, I bet she still has his last name to!

Morgause · 30/11/2013 08:05

Maybe it's to ward off unwanted male attention. Or she feels that she wants it observed that her children were born to a married woman?

I wouldn't stress about it.

Fairylea · 30/11/2013 08:05

Odd to me... I sold my old wedding ring to the pawn shop as soon as my divorce came through!

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 30/11/2013 08:06

Having helps ward off unwanted male attention and comments.

What is it to you anyway?

Original poster

purpleroses · 30/11/2013 08:09

She does still have his surname too. But I can kind of see why she might want the same surname as her DCs. The ring wearing just seems more odd to me. DP and I are getting married next year. So they'll not only be 2 Mrs (DpPsurname) but we'll both be wearing rings he gave us. She left DP for another man ffs

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 30/11/2013 08:09

I kept my ex's last name. I was used to it and liked it better than mine. I still have my wedding ring but don't wear it. I've recently started wearing my eternity ring again. It's by far the most attractive and expensive piece of jewellery I own and it seems a shame not to. I wear it on the little finger of my right hand.

ImaginativeNewName · 30/11/2013 08:12

I'd be sad to give up my wedding ring too because I really like it but I wouldn't wear it if divorced. I can see why you feel uncomfortable, especially as you are getting married.

Original poster

purpleroses · 30/11/2013 08:13

I wouldn't have a problem with that at all Sooty but this is very obviosly a wedding ring worn on her ring finger. DP says yes it is the ring he gave her

OP posts:

Mayvis · 30/11/2013 08:13

My mum still wears hers and my parents split 25 years ago. No idea why but it's not hurting anyone. She also kept her married name so it was the same as ours.

CuriosityCola · 30/11/2013 08:15

It sounds like the ring doesn't have the emotional attachment that many people have with their wedding rings. It is probably just another piece of jewellery to her.

I would find it odd though.

deepfriedsage · 30/11/2013 08:16

I kept my married name, same as the dc and a pita to change.

It's not your business and you need to leave the womanalone, even if she is a scumbag cheat.

Weegiemum · 30/11/2013 08:17

My mil has been divorced 20 years, has kept her married name and still wears her rings.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 30/11/2013 08:18

I'd find it odd (and irritating) but meh, there's nothing you can do.

deepfriedsage · 30/11/2013 08:20

A lot of single mums keep their married name as you may not realise the discriminateation they think you were a benefit scrounging teen mum otherwise if your not thirty when you have your first dc.

Ledkr · 30/11/2013 08:20

It might just be that she doesn't want people to see her as an "unmarried mother" I kept my married name even tho I'm remarried because I thought my dd had enough to be dealing with with a new step dad so could do without me having a different name to her.
It was weird because when dh and I had our dd she was referred to as "baby ex's surname" luckily dh is extremely laid back about it.

Original poster

purpleroses · 30/11/2013 08:20

No you're right. There's not much I can do about it.

OP posts:

Kafri · 30/11/2013 08:23

If she's happily shacked up with another fella then I really wouldn't be too worried

If things were different and she were chasing her xh left right and centre then maybe but as it is I don't see a problem. Leave her to it - she must have her reasons.

Original poster

purpleroses · 30/11/2013 08:24

As I've already said - I don't have a problem with the surname thing. Just the ring wearing

OP posts:

Wingspan123 · 30/11/2013 08:27

YANBU, I would also find it odd and would possibly be a little upset too but there isn't really any need. The thing to remember here is that this is out of your control and if you can take a step back emotionally you would see it shouldn't matter to you. Their marriage broke down so that ring isn't a symbol of that any more. She may not have given it any real thought herself. Try not to worry and think of all the happiness you have and what you have got to look forward to - rings and surnames don't matter :)

Cutteduppumpkin · 30/11/2013 08:37

I think that's very odd, but unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it.

Pooka · 30/11/2013 08:41

My mother still wears her wedding ring and my parents divorced nearly 30 years ago. It's just a ring for her. No symbol. She kept her married name too.

Nomorepat · 30/11/2013 08:43

Yes, in all honesty, I would find it odd, don't misunderstand me a widow doing this is completely normal but a divorcee? Not normal at all.

My neighbour in roughly the same position does so , too. I'm puzzled by it.

Are you on good (ish) terms with her? Is it the sort of relationship where you could ask her (guessing not, why ask here otherwise and not her directly).

NoArmaniNoPunani · 30/11/2013 08:45

I find it more odd that women still take their husband's name upon marriage

Pooka · 30/11/2013 08:46

She might have moved it to her right hand at some point (my mother, that is). But I really can't recall.

Doesn't symbolise her hankering after my father (who remarried about 21 years ago).

Is a nice ring - heavy and solid. And I expect she was just so used to wearing it having been married for about 20 years that it didn't occur to her that she should have to take it off when there wasn't any reason to.

MadeOfStarDust · 30/11/2013 08:47

my mum is religious... she wears her wedding ring 40 years after her divorce because

she "wants God to know she did no wrong, that she is married in his eyes and will be spending all eternity in heaven with my dad - if he gets there"

Should heaven exist, one of them is in for a shock....

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