To find it a bit odd that DP's ex still wears her wedding ring?

[purpleroses]

That's it really. They've been divorced over 4 years and she lives with new DP too. Seems rather strange to me

if the opportunity arises might casually see if DSD has any insight into it.

Please, please don't do that. There is no casual way possible for a second wife to ask the child of a first wife why that wife still wears her wedding ring. However subtle you think you're being, kids in that situation have atennae like you would not believe, and you are exposing her to adult emotions she's already had more of than any child ever should. No opportunity would make that okay and it will never, ever be casual. You're wondering how to pump her for info in a non-threatening way - which is human and normal, I appreciate, but still deeply unfair on her.

if the opportunity arises might casually see if DSD has any insight into it.

Why on earth would you do that if, as you claim, you aren't insecure and don't plan on making a big deal abut it ? refusing to just let it drop is making a big deal about it when it has nothing to do with you.

DSD is 16. I would only ask if it came up in conversation. She seems comfortable to talk about her DM and is forms her own views on things that she says and does. She (DSD) seemed genuinely delighted about us getting married, so I really don't think would find it too awkward a topic, but will take the advice to be cautious.

Soupdragon - refusing to let it drop, is a funny way to describe a conversation I haven't yet had

if the opportunity arises might casually see if DSD has any insight into it.
Agree with Perfect - wouldn't it be better to ask your DP?

You are thinking about having it! Most people would have shrugged and forgotten about it.

I would feel naked without my wedding ring. I would probably keep wearing it, even if DH ran off and left me. Also I can't get it off It would have to be cut off.

I think it is weird.

My ex still wears his wedding ring and people ask me if we are back together. The children think we are still married.

I have no idea why he still wears it.

I've had 3 stepmothers. One I love to bits - and she was always hugely respectful of boundaries, especially on things such as this.

16 is still very young, and if you get on well with her, then all the more reason to avoid stuff like this like the plague. You are not wanting to know this for any reason but your own interests. It is a form of using her - to pump her over her mum. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm seriously uncomfortable with this suggestion. Kids should never be dragged into adult disputes, and the fact she likes and wants to please you should be more reason to abide by that, not less.

I wouldn't ask your dsd if I were you.

I do think it is odd but at the end of the day nothing you say or do will stop her wearing it, it will just cause a bad atmosphere.

Don't ever think your dsd will stand for you criticising her mother no matter how well you get on.

I did ask DP, he said he had no idea why she wears it, and found it odd himself, but thinks there's nothing he can do about it - which is right of course. He doesn't have many conversations with his ex though these days - only practical ones about who's picking up the kids, etc so doesn't know much about her views on things.

Yes, maybe she does feel uncomfortable without it, or can't get it off!

I have no idea if DH's ex still wears her wedding ring or not. DH still wears the ring he had for his first marriage.

I, on the other hand, do not wear any ring at all. I know I'm married and my face repels unwanted male attention

I have been married 10 years and Never wear mine . It's not a big thing to some.

i still have my ex husband's surname and we split in 1988.

my daughter, then 4, wanted me to have the same surname as her, so i kept it. by the time she was 18 and didn't mind, i was used to it. i don't want to use my maiden name as it is too well known to the local police (big family, get up to all sorts), and when i thought of using my mum's first name as my surname in a proper feminist manner, she asked me not to as everyone named after her has died young. i rather like the name 'li' because its so short and might change my name to li one day. i also thought of becoming 'mrs love' as everyone seems to address me as 'love' anyway.

i don't wear the wedding ring but i'd taken that off before the marriage ended. i got eczema under it but always thought it was psychological - needed rid of the husband so got rid of the ring. i can imagine that if you're used to wearing it, you might keep a ring that's been about your body for years.

also, being divorced doesn't mean you were never married. i'm 'mrs' not 'miss'. i had that experience. i might not have liked it much, but it can't be taken away.

My mother wears 2 wedding rings. 1) from the marriage to my father - she left him and raged against him for 40 years (and the rest) - and 2) from the marriage to my step-father.

I am married, divorced and re-married and I wouldn't dream of wearing my ex-husband's wedding ring in front of my second husband. It's insulting to him and would flaunt my past to emasculate him.

OP, it might be early days, but if this relationship develops into another marriage and she still continues to wear the ring from her first marriage, then I WOULD worry. At the moment, bide your time.

This is off topic a bit - women keeping married name after divorce.

It is their name by law. I totally understand why some revert back to their maiden name but by the same token, I understand why women keep their married name. It isn't a gift to be rescinded upon divorce, it is legally their name. Children or no children.

That's rubbish . I am married and my husbands name is not my legal nAme

Maybe she likes the ring?

Maybe she's Smeagal?

Who cares?

Bringing her daughter into it in any way is wildly inappropriate.

Leave your step daughter out of it, it would be disgusting to involve her. if i found out some one raised a subject like this about me with my child i would be fucking livid.

It is absolutely none of your business why she wears her ring. What on earth is wrong with you that you would involve your DSD in this. I can just see the thread now, AIBU for cutting off my dads wife? she talks about my DM and tries to drag me into it.

Perhaps she likes the status of it, thinks that 'unmarried' or 'single' is not a legit status.

You could look at it that she took her vows lightly and also takes the symbol of a wedding ring lightly, too.

Don't involve your DSD.

I feel sorry for her. She's obviously insecure. Woe betide anyone think she was single 'at her age'.

I think it's a bit odd. But then again I think it's odd that dh's first wife has kept his name after they divorced. They had no children together. I kept my maiden name on marriage, so the upshot is that mine and dh's children have the same surname as his first wife but not me.

You keep telling us that you're not insecure about your partner's ex-wife continuing to wear her wedding ring but you don't half sound^ like you are!

YABU. It's her business, it's not odd and it's sure as eggs are eggs not appropriate for you to question your partner's daughter about her mother's choices.

Erm...it is if you choose to take the name cleo

Exactly. It's not some automatic "legal right"