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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that no one wants to make Christmas magical and special for me?

129 replies

ShawnSpencer · 29/11/2013 19:27

My parents (who are divorced) spend Christmas at the homes of diff step siblings neither ones will/can invite us over as not enough space. So Xmas day is just us (unfortunately in laws not around any more). So therefore I do all Xmas food etc and create magic and fun for the kids.

My presents this year (yes I know exactly what I am getting this makes me sad no surprise little treats nothing over festive period) are:
Mum - a coat she bought in the sale for her that doesn't fit"so I may as we'll have it"
Dad - a pair of Welles after I commented last week that I was going out to buy a pair and dad said I will buy you those I will give you the cash for them saves me getting you anything
Husband - today we bought an £11 knife block, £4 frying pan and a .40p serving spoon as we need them and husband says great that's you sorted for Xmas I will put them away and give them to you on Xmas day.

No one else buys me gifts as they buy for the children (absolutely fine with this but know it means I won't get anything else).

Husband can't understand why I'm upset - if we needed the 3 items he's giving me a couple of weeks ago they would have just been bought.

He told me to go and buy my own presents if I was bothered but that's completely missing why I am upset.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 29/11/2013 21:36

Flowers to Mummytotwox

QuintessentialShadows · 29/11/2013 21:37

Oh, he does not deserve a tablet! Take it back, or keep it for yourself!

I like the ring of StQuint. Grin

QuintessentialShadows · 29/11/2013 21:38

I have by the way cheered myself up immensely by ordering myself a new coffee table for Christmas.....

LadyAlconleigh · 29/11/2013 21:45

A dh buying stuff for the kitchen as xmas present unless expressly asked to is LTB territory as far as I am concerned.

EllieQ · 29/11/2013 22:15

YANBU! I can't believe he thinks that's an acceptable way to treat his wife and the mother of his children :(

The other thing that strikes me is that you are spending a lot more on him than he is on you. DH and I always spend about the same amount on each other. We always give ideas of what we'd like and have Amazon wishlists (also useful for giving suggestions to other family members), but will also get each other something 'off-list' - DH is great at finding something I'll love.

We also have an advent calendar (one that you fill yourself) and have alternate days where I put treats in for his days and vice versa. We don't have children, but I'd be sad to think that we'd stop treating each other once we had children. And I very much agree with ArbitraryUsername's comments above!

Keep the tablet for yourself - you deserve it more than he does!

ChristmasCareeristBitchNigel · 29/11/2013 22:26
  1. Keep the tablet if you want it. If not take it back and buy yourself something nice. Take a photo of said tablet
2.give not so DH a wrapped up packet of loo rolls and some dishwasher tablets. And in the card insert the photo subtitled "you were going to get this until Knifeblockgate"

I like getting kitchen stuff for christmas but even i would be well fucked off with a cheap frying pan and one single 40p serving spoon

OpalTourmaline · 29/11/2013 22:29

Give him a box of paracetamol and say you misunderstood what he meant by tablet. Or buy him a gimp's outfit

TheCatThatSmiled · 29/11/2013 22:31

Yadnbu. Christmas is for everyone. Tell your DH that he can get to fuck. You will cook the kids favourite food (which I bet isn't turkey) and do exactly what you want for the rest if the day!

TheCatThatSmiled · 29/11/2013 22:32

Yes. And go with the paracetamol. awesome idea. Bet you get something nice next year.

Original poster
ShawnSpencer · 29/11/2013 22:58

Just thought I had better clarify he's not stingy/tight in as much as he says go and buy your own present (all our money is joint) he would have no problem with me unwrapping the lovingly wrapped with my own fair hands tablet.

It's just he does not get that him choosing me a box of chocolates that I'd like (can't think of a box that I wouldn't like) would make my Christmas.

OP posts:
Tikkamasala · 29/11/2013 23:20

For the first coupe of lines of the post I thought you sounded a bit precious but when I got to your DHs idea of a present, no definitely Yanbu!! Household items aren't a present for you and it is insulting for him to pretend like they are. Very poor show and I would also be pissed off.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 29/11/2013 23:25

Do you need a loo brush op?

Wrap that up for him, it's a very useful gift, and suitably 'manly', men being to shitters what women are to kitchens. Hmm

Or, you can shove it up his jacksy.

If I was getting kitchen implements for Christmas, I'd at least want fancy ones like a Kitchenaid, or Le Creuset. Actually, no, I'd never want kitchenware from my husband for Christmas. Tell him to catch on with himself.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 29/11/2013 23:28

Sorry, am not normally so crude. But god I'm cross on your behalf. A serving spoon and cheapo frying pan?! I'd honestly rather have no present at all than that.

feck off po if you're out there. Grin

Bogeyface · 29/11/2013 23:33

I have thought of something else you could do. When I was working as a waitress my friend and colleague was given a 20p tip by the head of a table of 16. It was the change from when he had paid for his meal with the tips left by everyone else (a whole other thread!).

He paid at the bar, so she took his change and receipt over and he waved it away saying "oh thats for you love". She took the 20p, put it down in front of him and said "No thank you" and left.

I think you should do that with your gifts. Open them, look at them and then hand them back with a simple "No thank you".

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 29/11/2013 23:37

Yanbu.......me and dp are complete brats when it comes to Christmas so do each other a 'pile' each.

It's all sweeties, shower gels undies etc but it's mine, all mine. Mwah ha ha ha ha.

FluffyJumper · 30/11/2013 01:32

Kitchen stuff is fine for christmas if it's stuff that you genuinely daydream about and would be too extravagant to just go out and buy.

I am a bit of a brat at christmas too but am happy to treat myself. It's not worth arguing over, some people are just brought up badly differently. Grin

MistressDeeCee · 30/11/2013 02:34

I get a present from my mum, DCs and OP. & thats it. Im not actually fussed about presents at all. But because OP & DCs are completely sold on the christmas magic, what makes me happy (& Im someone who dreaded christmas when I was in my 30s, couldnt stand the gluttony and YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY aspect of it all) is, mucking in with putting up treaa and all the cheesy decorations, doing a really nice christmas day meal, and just joining in the spirit of it all. Presents dont matter as much as that. Mind you having said that..OP there'd be no harm in your DH buying you an extra present, as he knows how you feel. Maybe he'll surprise you Smile

Golddigger · 30/11/2013 09:45

op. Have you sort of taught him at all.
I know it is frowned on mumsnet to type that, but I dont care.

Golddigger · 30/11/2013 09:48

I started with mine, saying, here is the money[our money is all joint], you are going to fill up the car with petrol on Tuesday, buy me something from there that you think I might like.

I made it as easy as possible for him, but also let him know that I wouldnt be pleased if he didnt end up getting me something.

I have more steps after that if you are interested.

fuzzpig · 30/11/2013 09:57

Your DH has been a first class nobber. He seems to have you confused with the mum from last year's Asda advert Hmm

I agree with all the posters saying Xmas is NOT just about the children. It's really important for DCs to experience the joy of choosing thoughtful gifts for others and that it's not just about what they are given.

I was using an Animal (as in muppets) bag when shopping the other day and got a few compliments from randomers people. I was very proud saying "thanks, my little boy chose it for me last Xmas" - he was only just 3 at the time but picked it out of the shop himself (DH took him) because he knows I love the muppets.

MissBattleaxe · 30/11/2013 10:00

YANBU. I'd be livid with cooking utensils for Christmas.

first off YANBU. You are the one that makes Christmas happy for everybody. Without you it would be shit.

Teach your kids that they and your DH should be grateful for that. In turn, they will make good spouses who value others (apart from your DH, but there's still time).

I disagree with all this "you're an adult now, Christmas isn't about you". That's bollocks. You're not a slave, not a servant, and your family should value you by doing 1% of the work you have to do for all of them by choosing a nice gift for you.

Not to value yourself teaches others to take you for granted.

And buy your husband a toolkit or pants and keep the tablet.

Lilacroses · 30/11/2013 10:13

I like Opal's suggestion! Yanbu at all. I'm not into massive gifts or anything like that but to have noone bother to think of you in a thoughtful way at Christmas is crap. As for the kitchen items for Christmas!!! Hope he sees sense!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 30/11/2013 10:18

I dream of a beautiful kitchen aid, in pink or light blue. Which is fine, they are an extravagant kitchen gift and its my choice (not that I'm getting one)!

A knife block does not fall into this category. Buying something the house needs and passing it off as a Christmas present is unacceptable and thoughtless.

teenybash7 · 30/11/2013 10:40

Sorry Shawn, but some of the suggestions on here have made me hoot! I can't decide which is the best option, but I hope you do one of them.
Frying his bollocks in said pan is probably my favourite.
You could (accidentally) wrap the tablet inside the frying pan - I guess wrapping is one of your jobs...
YANBU, but I suppose realistically it'll spoil Christmas if you brood on it. It's great being a woman, isn't it?

SirRaymondClench · 30/11/2013 10:48

OP YADNBU

If you only get one life why should you spend it in some miserable black and white attitude of 'You're an adult now, Christmas is for children'
Fuck that.
This is your life and you deserve to be treated and to get excited and be childlike if you so wish. Those presents are utter shit and I would be livid if my husband thought they were appropriate. Christmas (quite aside from the religious aspect) is about showing those closest to you that you love and appreciate them
Where is the love and appreciation in £4 knife block??