To feel sad that no one wants to make Christmas magical and special for me?

[ShawnSpencer]

My parents (who are divorced) spend Christmas at the homes of diff step siblings neither ones will/can invite us over as not enough space. So Xmas day is just us (unfortunately in laws not around any more). So therefore I do all Xmas food etc and create magic and fun for the kids.

My presents this year (yes I know exactly what I am getting this makes me sad no surprise little treats nothing over festive period) are:
Mum - a coat she bought in the sale for her that doesn't fit"so I may as we'll have it"
Dad - a pair of Welles after I commented last week that I was going out to buy a pair and dad said I will buy you those I will give you the cash for them saves me getting you anything
Husband - today we bought an £11 knife block, £4 frying pan and a .40p serving spoon as we need them and husband says great that's you sorted for Xmas I will put them away and give them to you on Xmas day.

No one else buys me gifts as they buy for the children (absolutely fine with this but know it means I won't get anything else).

Husband can't understand why I'm upset - if we needed the 3 items he's giving me a couple of weeks ago they would have just been bought.

He told me to go and buy my own presents if I was bothered but that's completely missing why I am upset.

AIBU?

Yanbu, particularly about the kitchen utensils & pan. They are household items that your household needs, they're not a present for anyone - & why would they be more of a gift for you than for your dh, anyway? Presumably he cooks or at least eats food? Even if you do think that Christmas is just for the kids - & I don't - I don't think it follows that organizing the whole thing is entirely the mother's / woman's responsibility. She's not the only adult in the home. I would just tell your husband directly that the kitchen items are obviously not your present, & give him some ideas about what you do want. I'm not sure you'll be able to change your parents' attitudes, but you can stop putting so much effort into getting them thoughtful presents if it's not reciprocated at all.

I think it's quite sad that so many women expect so little from their partners, and are confused when other women want more. It really isn't OK for men to not give any thought to their partner's Christmas present. One of the functions that gift giving serves to is demonstrate how much you value you someone. That doesn't mean that you have to spend a fortune; you show you value someone by thinking about them and choosing a gift that will make them happy. It might cost nothing at all. It really is the thought that counts!

Running around making everyone else happy at Christmas and even buying your own presents, wrapping them and putting them under the tree is not good. It sets a dreadful example for the children, by indicating that mothers shouldn't expect to be anything other than servants facilitating everyone else's day. It is not beyond our husbands and partners to give some thought to us at Christmas.

I say this as someone who was very pissed off at DH because he didn't bother getting me anything last year. I didn't go out and buy myself something so that he could be let off the hook and he had to deal with getting presents from me and having nothing to give in return. And also explain this to his parents, who were not impressed.

I usually make sure I have a nice bottle of something, some chocolates or after dinner sweets and a really nice jigsaw. (www.jigsaws.co.uk/new-christmas-collection)

Then, when everything is cleared away after dinner, I get it out and if anyone wants to, they can help me.

Unfortunately, everyone finished it when I was on the phone to my Dad last year

It's about being appreciated and thought of

I'd tell him in no uncertain words that you are not getting the knife block for Christmas.

Just because you are an adult doesn't mean it's an excuse not to give a shit about someone.

ArbitraryUsername - I agree with the sentiment and I applaud how you tackled it.

Take his stuff back and buy yourself something nice with the money. Wrap it and put it under the tree from "Someone who truly appreciates how wonderful you are xxxx"

Then buy him a grater, a plastic cereal container and a tin opener. "Well, I assumed that we were doing presents of what we need this year, judging by what you bought me :) Oh and by the way, the TV seems to have broken, no idea why!"

Fucking hell you're getting a knife block and a wooden spoon while your husband sits on his arse all day ignoring the children after opening a TABLET?

Fuck that, I agree with everyone who's said give him the pan. Wrap up the tablet for yourself or buy something equivalent that you really want.

Running around making everyone else happy at Christmas and even buying your own presents, wrapping them and putting them under the tree is not good. It sets a dreadful example for the children, by indicating that mothers shouldn't expect to be anything other than servants facilitating everyone else's day. It is not beyond our husbands and partners to give some thought to us at Christmas.

Yep. Agree with this. YANBU OP. A knife block, frying pan and a .40p serving spoon are rubbish presents.

I would be a bit upset pissed off to get those presents but imo christmas is all about making it magical for children.

Maybe tell the adults that next year you are only buying for children and they can stick their naff presents. Use the money you would have spent on them and buy yourself something special.

Op YANBU , I hate this 'Christmas is for the kids shite that people role out every year' correction, Santa and the make believe is for Children, Christmas is for everyone, if you don't like it, fine but a lot of people do and it's nice to think that someone somewhere (and it should be your husband or family!) has taken the time to think of something that will make you smile.

imo christmas is all about making it magical for children.

Bollocks! Sorry but I couldnt disagree more.

Christmas is about spending time together, enjoying opening gifts that you have thoughtfully bought and gratefully received, its about eating together, having fun together.

And how is Christmas magical for children if mum is spending the day feeling ignore and put upon and dad is just staring at the telly? Watching Mummys face when she opens the gift that they have chosen for her is part of the magic for children, my kids get more excited about my present from them than about anything they receive!

Imo means in MY opinion and that IS my opinion.

I love seeing their faces when they go to see FC, decorating the tree, leaving food out for the reindeers and watching them open their presents etc, thats what makes my magic at christmas. in MY opinion.

Of course HAyley but I just dont like the attitude that Xmas is just for children. Apart from anything else, if you dont have children where does that leave you?

It would leave my Sis and BIL on their own on Xmas day because they are childless through infertility. As it is, we all dress up, act like arses and the kids have the best time laughing at the grown ups playing Twister and hurting ourselves in the process. Honestly, they love the fact that all the adults have fun too. I think they would hate to have us all fussing around them all day with forced "magic". The magic for them is family.

I apologise for swearing though :)

Last year I got a chopping board for Christmas. But, I asked my mum for one. She went to John Lewis and got a really nice one with a stripy backing that she knew I would love.

This year I asked her for a knife block! And she will probably go to John Lewis and get a very nice one I can't afford and I will have something lovely and useful that lasts for ages.

The same thing you bought together, just the basics, and he basically said that it saves him bothering to even lift his thumb and order you something from amazon, just doesn't cut it. I would be wrapping up a bottle of fairy liquid and a scrubbing brush (for use immediately after Christmas dinner which you will obviously make using your fab new knives!)

Sorry, going back to something you said that you love seeing their faces etc. I do too, I have been known to get teary eyed on occasion!

But dont you think that they like seeing you happy and enjoying yourself? My lot get so excited about giving gifts, they will all make me open my gift from them before they open anything they have received, they get so excited. The things you love about the day are the same things they love too :)

Buy yourself something you really want.

yabu

Cancel the 'magic'. Take the tablet back. Blow the money on something you'd like. Sod running around for the children. Throw a massive wobbly, tell DH he's cooking.

have you also got some neighbours and friends that are happy to give and receive presents from?

Take the tablet back, get a refund and use the money to buy yourself a really 'treatish' present.

Or better still, take the tablet back and use it as a down payment on divorce lawyers fees!

I don't get anything. My mum died at Xmas 3 years ago when I was 19 with a 6 week old baby. And my dad would rather spend his money on his carers. If I'm lucky I get a tin of sweets.

Running around making everyone else happy at Christmas and even buying your own presents, wrapping them and putting them under the tree is not good. It sets a dreadful example for the children, by indicating that mothers shouldn't expect to be anything other than servants facilitating everyone else's day

Everything ArbitraryUsername said