To feel sad that no one wants to make Christmas magical and special for me?

[ShawnSpencer]

My parents (who are divorced) spend Christmas at the homes of diff step siblings neither ones will/can invite us over as not enough space. So Xmas day is just us (unfortunately in laws not around any more). So therefore I do all Xmas food etc and create magic and fun for the kids.

My presents this year (yes I know exactly what I am getting this makes me sad no surprise little treats nothing over festive period) are:
Mum - a coat she bought in the sale for her that doesn't fit"so I may as we'll have it"
Dad - a pair of Welles after I commented last week that I was going out to buy a pair and dad said I will buy you those I will give you the cash for them saves me getting you anything
Husband - today we bought an £11 knife block, £4 frying pan and a .40p serving spoon as we need them and husband says great that's you sorted for Xmas I will put them away and give them to you on Xmas day.

No one else buys me gifts as they buy for the children (absolutely fine with this but know it means I won't get anything else).

Husband can't understand why I'm upset - if we needed the 3 items he's giving me a couple of weeks ago they would have just been bought.

He told me to go and buy my own presents if I was bothered but that's completely missing why I am upset.

AIBU?

I think it is good for the DC's to be taken out to buy me a present, there is a pleasure in choosing and giving, they enjoy it and they get to understand from the outset that Christmas isn't just about them huge piles of presents for them. I won't get much but they will be nice little treats from my favorite shop, DD loves the whole thing, the other 2 are a bit small to understand yet.

Cooking utensils are crap excuse for a present though, tell him to bog off with those...we knew never ever upon pain of death to even buy my Mum anything to do with the kitchen as a present when we were growing up.

what have are you getting your husband/parents for Christmas

Christmas is for EVERYONE as Isla up thread said. Why on earth should OP put up with household items as gifts? Christmas is about giving and family. The OP is being overlooked by her family.

As for those of you saying she is unreasonable. - what a bunch of moaning martyrs! Just because you don't get any acknowledgement or gratitude for your hard work over the festive period, why on earth does that mean the OP should just suck it up and deal with it? No. She shouldn't. Christmas is for everyone.

bollocks op yanbu! I think it's ok to have an expectation that your husband should think about you and make christmas special, because it's important to you. Make that very clear to him. What the fuck is with all the wet rags mimbling on about how christmas is your job. Fucking fuck that shit. I get it if it's just you and dcs, but it's not, there is HER BLOODY HUSBAND whose job it is above all else, to worship and adore his darling wife. Otherwise, what's the sodding point? Life throws enough crap at us all, don't we deserve a bit of being made to feel special, and of course, making someone else feel special too? It is not about money, it's about thought - sheesh.

yy marzipanface

Mum personalised bag
Step father jumper / sweets
Dad jumper / sweets
Stepmum ornament
Husband jumper / scarf / gloves / android tablet

Not exciting but all surprises and things they will like.

Wrap the pan up put it under the tree for him. Go and buy yourself a nice scarf / make up what ever put under tree and thank dh for his wonderful gift that you really needed....

Write him a list. Stick it on the fridge. Tell him to pick something off it, or you will hit him over the head with the frying pan.

And start using them before Christmas. Don't facilitate him by putting them away.

And keep the android tablet for yourself....

QS you are a good person. I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas

As a postscript to my earlier post and on the theme of Christmas being for everyone, it's lovely for the children too to see adults exchanging thoughtful gifts.

It was a big deal in our house when the teenage children were old enough to buy gifts from their earnings from Saturday jobs. Their joy in buying gifts for us was just wonderful. It never crossed their minds that mums and dads don't get nice gifts too.

YANBU about your "presents" from DP. I would be tempted to buy him deicer and other ordinary stuff, and give it to him as his Xmas present.

And buy yourself something you actually want, wrap it up, and put it under the tree.

quintessential that's very selfless of you and very much in the spirit of christmas! I'm sure your kids will realise one day how much effort it took to organise a feat like that and I have no doubt your parents appreciate all you do. Hope you hae a wonderful christmas surrounded by your loved ones!
Op- I think yabu... Wouldn't you rather have something you need? Instead of a random book / piece of tat that they may think you will like? I dont think it matters if its a practical gift and not a big secret... I enjoy thinking of gifts my family would like, but prefer to point dh in the right direction to avoid getting something that's not to my taste!

I think its also good for the kids to see adults making an effort to make other adults in their lives happy. Otherwise how will they learn?

YABU.

you are not a child anymore!
go and buy some nice stuff ffs and get him to wrap it up.
you can't expect others to "make you happy"

I much prefer no surprises and have already bought/chose some of my presents, although I'd be happy with none.

and yes, he was a git for saying those needed items are your gifts - so just wrap up a bag of poo with a note "another shit gift to match the knives you gave me"

But Shawn, I would feel sad and a bit upset too.

YANBU not at all. Christmas should be for everyone regardless of age.

Its not about the presents but about showing people you care about them. I hope your OH is joking

YANBU, but I think you need to sit your husband down and spell it out .
I had years of my dh basically ignoring my birthdays , until a family member ( his, not mine ) pointed out to him that he would be devastated if I was as thoughtless on his birthday.
Failing that, I agree with giving him the frying pan !!

Yes it is our role as parents to make Christmas special for our children and it is our role as partners to make it special for our partners. BUT it is also our partners role to make it special for us. OP your partner is being a dick. I suggest you hide something he uses it daily and give it back to him at Christmas. Don't buy him anything else. He might get the message then.

Christmas is special because we make it special for each other. I was brought up with the attitude that we give gifts to each other at Christmas to honour Jesus. Yes, overtly Christian reasoning but the moral of it holds true - we do it to honour each other and spread love. Somehow something you bought for the house and the house needs doesn't really cut it on that score.....

YANBU. It's not necessarily that you haven't been given nice gifts, but the careless "oh that's you sorted for Christmas" with reference to a fucking frying pan and knife block is frankly insulting. It would be better to be given nothing than have household essentials assigned to you as a "gift".

YANBU to feel sad, YABU to put up with it.

Keep the android tablet, wrap it up with a gift tag saying 'to ShawnSpencer, the wonderful person who has made Christmas special for all the family'.

Replace it with a pack of Uno cards which he will have to spend Christmas day playing with the DC.

The men in my family are good present buyers.

My dad always got us something from himself, usually books, colouring stuff and quality street, and games and things. My adult brother now also is a good present buyer.

However I feel that perhaps men not buying gifts or being minded too is perhaps another hangover from the 50's housewife syndrome....

My DH does not really get gifts and his father never goes and chooses gifts either. This is because MILs job, part of her job is to go out and get gifts.

Anyway OP, I am the same here, have got some lovely things for DH, and he is so hard to buy for as well, and I will get diddly squat.

Of course I would love to be presented with any of the millions of things I covet and would love ( am very easy to buy for) but he won't. I wouldn't dream of getting anything on behalf of the DC either..

For the time being wihslt we are quite short of cash I am OK with making christmas for the others, but one day, yes one day rises chin chanels scarlet o hara my time will come.

I do agree that presents and the excitement are mainly aimed at children but I have, latterly, felt that it's important for children to see that adults are thoughtful and considerate with gifts for each other.

As my DCs get older I think is quite important... Esp. For my sons, so that they learn how to treat their partners well when they are older. My DH always gets me something nice (absolutely not expensive, we can't afford it) eg a book or perfume. Often very small but nicely wrapped etc.

Life is quite hard often and these little things can preserve your relationship when everything else is very tough going.

WhoNicked... actual, genuine LOL!

HairyPorter- you've got an interesting double think on the giving of presents.

As a giver, you 'enjoy thinking of gifts that your family would like'.

As a receiver, you prefer not 'getting something that's not to your taste'.

Ever wondered if the gift you thought they might like might not actually be to their taste?