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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that if DH and I can't agree on a name, I should get the casting vote?

128 replies

Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 03:36

mostly lighthearted and definitely somewhat trivial, but I am willing to be told...

Nearly 34 weeks with DS4 and DH and I have entered into a stand-off over names (I like Ruari, he likes Eric). Neither of us actively dislikes the other's choice, but neither of us is willing to budge this far...

I think that as I am the one who has suffered the joys of pregnancy and is about to either push an 8lb+ baby out of my vagina or succumb to major abdominal surgery I get to be Len Goodman here and get the final say over the name.

His argument is that he has never got his first choice through to pole position (he has, however, agreed to all three DS's - lovely - names; and I have never been so dogmatic before although admittedly this may be because i haven't had to be) He also says that as he is planning a vasectomy to prevent any more such situations, this weighs the argument in his favour Hmm.

He has perhaps reasonably suggested that if we can't agree we should flip a coin... But I don't want to call my baby Eric throws toys out of pram and would rather start again from scratch.

So mumsnet jury, AIBU?

I have previously brought this up in baby names and the consensus was that my choice was both nicer and went better with our three existing (and mumsnet approved Grin) names.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 15:42

Maybe I'll moot Farty mcShitbag - in the style of the 'Crap Bag' Friends episode - so Ruari becomes more palatable to him...

OP posts:
ScrambledSmegs · 29/11/2013 15:45

As long as he doesn't call your bluff and go for it Grin

Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 15:46

DS2 would probably be pleased Grin

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 29/11/2013 15:54

Ruairi will always be spelling out his name.

Eric-is a bit old manish IMO.

Not that my opinion on the names is relevant!

I think you should find something else that you both like, but I do think YABU in insisting that you have more 'right' over the name choosing.

He seems to have gone along with your choices 3 times, isn't his 'turn' now?

Lovecat · 29/11/2013 15:58

Jason the Egg is the best name EVAH :o

DH and I couldn't agree on a girls' name to save our lives, we both had very different ideas and neither of us liked the other one's suggestions, so we were hoping we had a boy... (even though we'd nicknamed "him" Disco Stu because of all the dancing "he" was doing inside me)

When we had DD and she turned out to be a DD, it was after a 36hr labour followed by a drop in her heart rate and an EMC where I had an allergic reaction to the anaesthesia and spent the entire process shuddering uncontrollably beneath a lilo thing they were pumping hot air under to stop the shivering.

DH held DD, burst into tears and said "Yourchoicename. She's totally yourchoicename." I have no idea if that was the lack of sleep or the heightened emotions, but quite frankly he could have said Shitey McFartbag at that point and I'd have nodded...

OvO · 29/11/2013 15:59

You can't let your DH choose the name this time after your first choices won the first three times.

What will happen is your DS4 will tell you as a teen that you clearly loved him the least as you didn't even bother to choose his name, just pushed him out and handed him to your DH with a look of boredom whilst saying 'here you name it him.' All the while looking at you with excellent sad-face.

I may or may not have emotionally tormented my own mother with this speech.

But in my defence she let my dad choose and he named me after a Beach Boys song! Shock

BasketzatDawn · 29/11/2013 16:08

When pg with ds2 I agreed to a name I didn't really like (we couldn't agree), I was even in labour going up the path to the hospital and we were still discussing names. I thought we were having a girl so was completely flummoxed when out came ds2 and dh immediately named him. Almost 21 years later, I do like the name now and it suits the boy. It didn't take me that long really. Just saying .... Funny thing is the girl's name we had would have been hard to say with a lisp and stammer, which ds2 has.

carrotcakecupcake · 29/11/2013 16:10

I'm so pleased you posted this question! pulls up a chair I'm 33 weeks and going through a similar situation with DH (Ethan versus Elliot) and as I think we've reached a stalemate could do hearing some others advice.

(Funnily enough, DH also liked Eric for the Cantona link, however I managed to veto that quite early on!)

Eebahgum · 29/11/2013 16:15

I had this exact same situation and, for the benefit of cupcake, we'd slimmed it down to Ethan or Seth. I really wanted it to be the name I'd thought of. Then ds was born. We decided to try the names for a day each to see how they suited him. And we agreed dps choice suited him better. And then I realised it doesn't matter a stuff who thought the name up. Wait until you meet your babies. Everything will seem so much clearer then because it's not about you or dh/dp anymore - it's about your new little one.

SoupDragon · 29/11/2013 16:36

Eric is awful and doesn't go with your other children's names at all.

You need to find another name you can both agree on.

SecondStarToTheRight · 29/11/2013 16:57

I'm biased as I love Eric.

But what about going with Jason?

Bowlersarm · 29/11/2013 17:06

Yabvu.

You named the first three.

He cannot give birth-that's a mean trick to hold that one over him. It's not something he can do anything about, with the greatest will in the world.

Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 18:02

And I'm sure he's absolutely gutted about that, Bowlersarm Hmm Grin

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 29/11/2013 18:51

Yes, agree he's probably not so gutted about not being able to give birth, but still...

Cookethenook · 29/11/2013 18:57

Yeaaah, you kind of need to come to an agreement. You're carrying the baby, but it's not like he did nothing!

On another note- is it pr

Cookethenook · 29/11/2013 19:00

Oops

  • pronounced 'roar-ee'? As someone with a ridiculously spelt name, please just call him Rory... I have spent the last 25 years spelling out my name for people and correcting the pronunciation. It's just boring.
Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 19:01

It's not 'ridiculous', cook - it's an Irish name...

OP posts:
sandfrog · 29/11/2013 19:05

If you can't agree then it would be better to start over.

Nymbler suggests Leo, Ethan, Arlo, Ryan, Liam, Archie, Eli.

How about Frederick (still has the "ric" sound of Eric but you can have nn Freddie?)

Snatchoo · 29/11/2013 19:07

Eric is fucking horrible.

For that reason alone, YANBU!

grovel · 29/11/2013 19:21

Fourth son?

Call him Quattro.

grovel · 29/11/2013 19:32

Call him Dara as in Dara O'Briain. Another good Irish name.

Just don't tell him it stands for:

Daddy
Abhorred
Ruari
Actually

mumofbeautys · 29/11/2013 19:37

ahh see I had this issue with my girls dad at the time .. I couldn't stand any of the options here gave me
his top 2 were ( we had twins )

  1. Portia and sierra

I got my way they are now called kylie and felicity x :) x

IneedAsockamnesty · 29/11/2013 19:44

I personly think you should go with but I is the baby

Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 19:56

Sock Grin.

OP posts:
campion · 29/11/2013 20:02

It's not about being fair to him (your dh) - it's about giving a person a name. For life.

Eric is not good, especially if it's in honour of a violent Frenchman.
Ruari is better but he'll spend his life spelling it, unless you live in Ireland.

But you do need to agree. Family member has just given birth and dm won the day after her dh gave in to a name which I can guarantee no-one else will ever share at school or anywhere else. Plus tis a bugger to spell.

I'd be inclined to give you the casting vote, though, in this case!