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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that if DH and I can't agree on a name, I should get the casting vote?

128 replies

Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 03:36

mostly lighthearted and definitely somewhat trivial, but I am willing to be told...

Nearly 34 weeks with DS4 and DH and I have entered into a stand-off over names (I like Ruari, he likes Eric). Neither of us actively dislikes the other's choice, but neither of us is willing to budge this far...

I think that as I am the one who has suffered the joys of pregnancy and is about to either push an 8lb+ baby out of my vagina or succumb to major abdominal surgery I get to be Len Goodman here and get the final say over the name.

His argument is that he has never got his first choice through to pole position (he has, however, agreed to all three DS's - lovely - names; and I have never been so dogmatic before although admittedly this may be because i haven't had to be) He also says that as he is planning a vasectomy to prevent any more such situations, this weighs the argument in his favour Hmm.

He has perhaps reasonably suggested that if we can't agree we should flip a coin... But I don't want to call my baby Eric throws toys out of pram and would rather start again from scratch.

So mumsnet jury, AIBU?

I have previously brought this up in baby names and the consensus was that my choice was both nicer and went better with our three existing (and mumsnet approved Grin) names.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 29/11/2013 10:29

Sorry no advice, but Just sort out your differences and choose a name now and register it in the hospital or else you'll be left in my situation: baby almost 3 weeks, still not named and not registered.

Pissed off is a mild way of describing how I feel.

kali110 · 29/11/2013 12:05

Prefer eric

perfectstorm · 29/11/2013 12:08

Fakebook, DS was 5 weeks before he was named. I told DH he had to stop drifting, sodding well look at the baby names book and start considering ideas, or I'd just bloody well register the baby myself with my own first choice! Was awful calling him "the baby" all that time.

I think it's more common than people realise. Hence the bump having been named as soon as we knew gender, this time!

Daddypigsgusset · 29/11/2013 12:16

Eric!!!!!!!!! you should go with middle name: ze king

But then my ds is called Solskjaer and my dd middle name is Cantona. Blush

KissesBreakingWave · 29/11/2013 12:21

Hold out for the birth. Pick the name for about fifteen seconds after he first holds littlun. That is a moment in which he can refuse you NOTHING.

It's how two out of our three got their names. Grin

Fakebook · 29/11/2013 12:23

Perfectstorm, that's the same situation we're in right now. DS was named when I was about 25 weeks pregnant, no discussion with anyone else and was registered in hospital. Dd1 was named a week after birth but with no problems. Obviously got lazy with this one, and DH has been dawdling about hmm-ing and haa-ing not saying an outright yes or no to what I've chosen. Then we've made the mistake of telling family of the shortlist of names too. Such a bloody nightmare!
This thread has actually given me a kick to book an appointment at the registry office, so Monday morning this baby WILL be named!

PrimalLass · 29/11/2013 12:30

whatever5 Fri 29-Nov-13 09:04:36
I chose my children's first names as they got DH's surname (mine is different) so it was only fair.

This exactly. My kids have OH's very Scottish surname, to keep the clan going Grin So I chose their first names.

ceebie · 29/11/2013 12:32

DS2 is right. You should be fighting over whether to call him Baby Batman or Jason the Egg. I initially was going to vote for Jason the Egg, but on reflection, Baby Batman really is rather coooooool. Not quite certain it will work quite so well when he's a adult, but I'm sure he'll find a way around - he could just call himself BB or something.

MortifiedAnyFuckerAdams · 29/11/2013 12:34

Danny, Finn, Kit and Seth.

Shellywelly1973 · 29/11/2013 12:36

I can't give you any advice dc4 was 7 weeks old when we registered him as we couldn't agree on his name!

Dc5 was 6 weeks & I went with dp choice. Im 31weeks & we can't agree on names...again!!

I've picked the baby's name- he will give in eventually. As the person who gives birth to the baby I get more of a say & I don't give a shit if anyone thinks me unreasonable!

paulapantsdown · 29/11/2013 12:42

When we were having DS1, we both wanted the same name - his dads and my favourite uncles name. With DS2 (who we knew was going to be a boy), we could not agree. DS came up with no suggestions, but just vetoed every single one I wanted. I had a particular favourite that I REALLY wanted, but DH would not agree. We ended compromising on a really boring name neither of us much liked.

It STILL pisses me off 10 years later!

I carried that baby, pushed out the bloody 10 pounder, I had no say on his surname and I should have had casting vote.

I say stand your ground.

Extremewife · 29/11/2013 12:48

If my Dad hadn't list the the ones I give too I'll name you name the ones you give birth too argument with DM I would be Belinda Sad Mum won Grin

Xmasbaby11 · 29/11/2013 12:48

Start again with names. Neither of you should have a name you dislike.

Mim78 · 29/11/2013 13:03

I think you do get casting vote if it has to come down to a stand off. Sorry to be sexist but you are the one who has been pregnant and will be giving birth.

However, I think it would be better to come to an agreement if you can - even if that means going back to the beginning.

SkullyAndBones · 29/11/2013 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellsbellsmelons · 29/11/2013 13:25

Have some ready but wait until baby is born.
I had a name all planned out for DD.
But after calling her that name for 2+ days, I realised it just didn't suit her at all it completely changed and that then became her middle name.

When my sister had her DS he was named and we all called him this for weeks and weeks. She went to register him and decided she didn't really like it and we had to start calling him something totally different - that was not easy.

Soooo.... can you wait until the birth and then see what you both feel comfortable with when you use the name on him?

And actually I agree that you should get the final choice as you have to go through it all. Just MHO! Especially if all the children have his surname.

I couldn't use that one as I double-barrelled and did DD!! Yeah yeah I know!
Once my exDH saw what I went through he said it was my choice completely anyway as that was the least I deserved!

Yellowcake · 29/11/2013 13:44

See, I don't think you chose your other children's names. You were the one who just happened to say 'Oh, what about Kit?' in the first instance, but that presumably just put it on the table. You both chose it. I was the one who said 'Do you like X?' for our son, but it never seems to me that I 'chose' it. I suggested it. We both love it.

Ruari (don't know how to do fadas on iPad) is much nicer than Eric, IMO. Erik is cool and Scandinavian, but Eric is the child who always copied your sums and then got you into trouble when you objected.

squoosh · 29/11/2013 14:25

Well I don't like either Eric or Ruairi.

Buy two copies of a baby name book and sit down separately highlighting the names you each like. Surely your tastes will collide somewhere.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 29/11/2013 14:32

Neither of you 'actively dislike' the other's choice, but do you both actually like the other's choice, or is it all a bit meh?

I'd keep a shortlist with extra names and wait until DC4 arrives, if it's not clear to you both to agree then, write all the names on identical pieces of paper for everyone and let the other DCs or you and the DCs choose one lucky dip from their pot. Majority vote rules on a round by round basis if necessary.

Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 15:04

Sorry, been out all day.

We've been through the baby names book twice and do have a list of possibles that we keep adding to/subtracting from. It's just that Ruari and Eric are the ones we keep returning to. And we're just a bit 'meh' about each other's choice... This has not happened before Confused.

I was pretty much decided to go with DH's coin tossing suggestion earlier, but keep stalling at the fact that I don't want to call the baby Eric. DH rejected the idea of starting again from scratch as 'death by committee'. And so we go round again Hmm

OP posts:
diddl · 29/11/2013 15:19

So OP-you dislike Eric?

Does he dislike Ruari?-if so, they've both got to go.

ScrambledSmegs · 29/11/2013 15:32

Eric? Really? Um, I try not to be mean about potential baby names, as a rule, and I'm trying REALLY hard with that one. It just makes me think of old men, and not in a hipster-ish way (ie Stan, Sid etc). And it rhymes with Derek.

Ruairi is lovely, such a lovely name. It means red-haired king! Although the Ruairi I know is blonde :)

ScrambledSmegs · 29/11/2013 15:35

didn't do very well, did I? It's an ok name. All names are fine, as long as you don't name them Farty McShitbag or similar.

diddl · 29/11/2013 15:38

I know that you didn't ask for suggestions, but

Rufus
Oscar
Felix
Jasper
Silas?

Original poster
Sleepthief · 29/11/2013 15:39

I don't actually know whether I dislike Eric or not; I just don't want it as the baby's name Confused. And I think, but may be wrong, that DH has decided Ruari is the 'safe' option, for some reason.

I'm open to the idea of starting from scratch, but he's vetoed that... Stalemate!

Anyone know where I can get a weighted coin, or maybe I'll just book the birth registration for when he's at work Wink

OP posts: