What would you think of a woman who got married twice, both times 6/7 months pregnant, having already had 4 children with a previous partner?

[NotSureWhatToMakeOfItAll]

Both times to much younger men. A 20 year old the 1st time while woman was 26 and already had 4 DC, and a 24 year old when woman was 34 and now had 6 DC. It could be construed that the woman got pregnant to 'trap' these two men.

DC had no further contact with the first two fathers or fathers families (grandparents etc) due to hostility from the mother.

Would you regard this woman as not having made very good choices and being quite selfish in her needs? (1st 4 DC had 3 consecutive father's for instance).

My Mum got accidentally pregnant with me and was hugely pressurised into getting married. There was a big stigma about single parents in the 1970's.

I'd judge definitely. Same as I would judge a man who had several children by different partners in quick succession. I'd think that there were issues there regarding making responsible choices, sustaining long term relationships, and probably a cavalier attitude towards childbearing/childrearing.

Couldn't care less. Some people just have more bad luck than others I certainly wouldn't be judge about it. Just as long as she was happy I reckon

Couldn't care less. Some people just have more bad luck than others

More bad luck? Are you kidding? The pill is redic imply effective if taken properly, so there isn't much bad luck involved with getting preggers by random unsuitable men. Once is an accident, two is you being stupid.

I would judge. It's highly unlikely anyone who keeps having more babies by more random men is putting her children's interests ahead of her own.

Out of interest how was she supporting all these children? In the 70s they didn't really give out benefits the way they do today and it would have been a real struggle for a single mother.

Do you think it's possible that she moved on to new relationships and got pregnant so quickly because she needed a man round financially and got pregnant I. A misguided attempt to make them stay?

I don't necessarily think the amount of children or father's would make her a bad mother. It could be bad luck, rotten taste men or poor timing. But I think you already know that in your mother's case it was selfishness and a lack of care. You know the situation better than anyone on here does so if you think that then it's likely to be true.

There is no such thing as 'getting pregnant to trap men'- if men don't want to get someone pregnant, they can use a condom or get a vasectomy, or not have sex with that person if it's a specific person they don't want to get pregnant. Easy.

Though there are women who have lied about being on the pill, for instance. This doesn't absolve the men of responsibility, but it is a level of deception.
And yes, I would judge her.
For me at least, the one really irrevocable thing you can do is have a child. I don't really understand rushing into having so many, especially, as you say, she wasn't even that keen on the ones she had already.

I'm afraid I would judge her - I would judge her for making the same mistakes over and over again without taking stock and learning from them, I would judge her for putting herself ahead of her children.

However, it would take a massively selfish and feckless person to do this with intent and most people that find themselves in those situations are in them not because they are inherently selfish but because of other issues they have within themselves (low self esteem, awful childhood themselves, low expectations/education and a need to be loved or see providing biological children for their new partner as proof of their love for them).

Also, in the 70s it was different and women were not as enabled to 'go it alone' without a man to validate them - with the age thing, I think that's a red herring as it was quite normal back then to get married and have children late teens/very early 20s for most women.

I'm sorry you had such an unhappy childhood, and I agree wholeheartedly with the previous posters who said the woman and mum that you are today is the most important thing, not the past.

I hope you can get support now to work through everything and get rid of the demons

Jesus. Has she not heard of contraception? Six kids at 34? I hope she is paying for them all.

If you can't feed them, don't breed them.

I suspect she will be working part time and milking the tax credits.

thecook READ THE F*ING THREAD. And rhymes don't make ill placed views any more compelling. In fact, so much worse.

sorry OP. It sounds as though you had a chaotic childhood and have much to be angry about. As others have said though, you don't need to frame it in a context of judging your mother's sexual behaviour. You have said she was abusive. That's enough.

Sorry if I missed this (think you posted under another name at some point) - is your mother alive today? Your dad? How are your relationships with your siblings? And theirs with their parents?

Sorry, I just found your post about your siblings.

It sounds as though your mother's dysfunction continues to affect your life now. Is there a way you can take this 'gatekeeper' power away from her? See your family as your own; your choice. Build the relationships with your siblings and father that you would like to have.

Easier said than done, I know.