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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should just accept the fact I talk loud

98 replies

ALittleBitOfMagic · 27/11/2013 18:01

I have a loud voice . There is nothing I can do about it I know I so it but deep in conversation I am unaware of it and try so hard to speak quieter but the more into a discussion I get the louder Iget .

Everyone is constantly on my back about it . I constantly get told to be quite or "gonae stop shoutin" as it's so eloquently put here my sister is the worst for it . Sometimes she will just get up and walk out the room if I am speaking .

I know this probably sounds so trivial but it's beginning to affect my confidence . I feel like they should all just accept the way I am . I had glue ear constantly as a child my hearing was really bad . I think I've had to shout as a child and just never shook the habit (my hearing is actually still not that great)

Am I being over sensitive ? I actually feel a bit daft now I've typed this all out .

OP posts:

farrowandbawl · 27/11/2013 18:03

Would it be worth getting your ears checked again?

CBT threapy?

Sirzy · 27/11/2013 18:06

as someone with quite sensitive ears it would annoy me if someone was constantly talking loud tbh

mrspremise · 27/11/2013 18:07

I have the same 'problem'. I'm always being told that I have a loud voice because I don't fucking mumble. It's a positive advantage when I'm at work though, I can make myself heard in a hall full of noisy children without shouting and then getting angry. Sounds like your sister needs to grow up a bit and stop being so damn PA. Maybe get her some ear defenders for Xmas and spoil it for her?

nicename · 27/11/2013 18:07

Really really loud? Shouty or just stage voice loud?

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 27/11/2013 18:08

Mrs premise I am absolutely getting her ear defenders for Christmas !!! That make me chuckle

OP posts:

eightandthreequarters · 27/11/2013 18:10

This is probably related to your hearing. You should have that checked, as you may benefit from intervention/therapy of some kind.

But let people know what the problem is. It's the by-product of a disability. Your family would not tell you to speed up if walked slowly due to a disability. They should not shout at you to quieten down for the same reason.

fieldfare · 27/11/2013 18:12

I have sensitive hearing at the best of times, during a migraine it's unbearable.
If you accept you have a loud voice then you have to accept that those around you might dislike it and ask you to try and be a bit quieter.
My husband tends to boom and sometimes it really does piss me off, his family are all loud though and used to shouting over one another. I've been known to take myself off to another room, not to be PA, just simply because my poor ears cannot bear it!

WandaDoff · 27/11/2013 18:13

DSD is that you, doll?

WooWooOwl · 27/11/2013 18:14

It must be really loud if people actually walk out of a room to avoid it and a lot of people comment on it.

Have you tried to find some kind of therapy to help?

YouTheCat · 27/11/2013 18:17

Can you get a referral for speech therapy? Might be worth asking - could help to retrain your vocal chords.

Bumblequeen · 27/11/2013 18:18

I am told the same thing!

My voice projects. At school I was always asked to speak up front despite having no confidence

Various friends have mentioned that I shout and it has affected my confidence. Particularly as I was hideously bullied at secondary school. For five years I had no voice, felt that what I had to say was of no importance. I hardly bloody spoke at school.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 27/11/2013 18:18

I was going to suggest having a hearing test as well.

The way you describe yourself is just like my dh. I badgered him into going for a hearing test and he does have some hearing loss.

I have quite sensitive hearing and when his volume rises I find it difficult to deal with, it's irritating tbh. He tries, and I know it isn't his fault but luckily he doesn't mind me telling him to turn the volume down.

hyenafunk · 27/11/2013 18:19

I cannot bear loud voices. It really really grates on me. It depends what kind of loud voice though, stage voice which is clear and precise but booms a bit is fine. It's just when people are basically shouting that I feel like doing what your sister does tbh. Like the family on Gogglebox that just shout at each other even though they're right next to one another, I can't watch them without seething.

Personally if I knew my voice irritated most people I'd be trying to alter it. Checking your hearing out would be a start and then as someone else said maybe CBT to train you to talk a bit quieter?

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 27/11/2013 18:20

I'll be your friend! I can't hear the quiet mumbly ones.

Longdistance · 27/11/2013 18:20

My mil is like this. My dd is beginning to be like this, shouty, shouty, Argh!

It's fecking annoying.

Get your hearing checked again. If it's not that, pipe down.

YABU!

YesAnastasia · 27/11/2013 18:21

My DF has a ridiculously loud voice and he is soooooo annoying when we're in public. I don't care when we're at home.

He moans about everything and everybody and I cringe because even when he's trying to be discreet it's like a fake stage whisper. He embarrasses me & I'm 35!

I don't know if there is anything you can do about it but if you can you should try because if you're drawing unwanted attention to yourself it's the same as anything physical else like acne, blushing (my personal confidence killer) etc. It can really affect your life. and as you say, confidence. My DF wouldn't want to change, IMO he does it on purpose to get attention... perhaps that's cruel of me.

Good luck.

amicissimma · 27/11/2013 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bellablot · 27/11/2013 18:21

The way I see it is this: you talk loud, people are telling you, people react by walking out of the room when you are talking, you need to sort it out. Don't speak so loud, what's the problem with that? Why do you talk so loud? Are you one if these attention seeker types who have to talk over everyone and gave their voice heard? It's very annoying actually and you should be thankful people are telling you so you can change.

So no, in response to your question, people should not just accept you have a loud voice.

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:22

You have my sympathy. And you know what? I think people who talk so quietly you have to give them every crumb of concentration to hear what they are saying are the real pains in the arse.

That is all.

nextphase · 27/11/2013 18:28

I've been told I've got a loud phone voice.

Might that be something to do with ALL my aunts and uncles, and half my grandparents wear hearing aids then? And the only way to have a conversation just 3 times, instead of 7 is to speak slightly louder than normal, and slowly. I guess I speak loudly in general as well.

On the plus side, I made a presentation at work, and a group of people came up afterwards, and thanked me for making it understandable to those with English as a second language - they struggled with many of the other presenters.

I am conscious that I need to lower my voice, but it doesn't always work, and does have some advantages.

I speak loudly, the bloke next to me constantly drums his fingers, and the bloke opposite has his earphones on so loud I can hear his music. We all have habits which annoy those around us. If your hearing is fine, I think you just have to try and moderate things, but those around need to accept that nearly everyone will do something that will irritate many, and they need to ignore as much as poss.

tinmug · 27/11/2013 18:31

I feel like they should all just accept the way I am

Or you could accept they way they are?

ProfPlumSpeaking · 27/11/2013 18:38

I second exploring the possibility of speech therapy (after looking into hearing loss). Lots of folk probably avoid you if you are so loud that people who know and love you feel the need to leave the room. Sorry.

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:39

Tinmug there is no evidence to suggest that she doesn't accept them the way they are...is she telling them to speak up all the time, for example? Sjhe is just asking that they extend the same favour to her.

I think nextphase has hit it bang on the head

FastWindow · 27/11/2013 18:40

I totally sympathise but think Yabu to think that many people should accept the ways of one. That's not very sociable.

I sympathise because my bil has hearing issues in that he just cannot distinguish one voice in a crowd, so he thinks they can't hear him either, and the volume goes up. It's subconscious.

Perhaps you have high level hearing loss. I'm sure I have. misspent youth in night clubs

WhoNickedMyName · 27/11/2013 18:40

My DH's grandad is like this.

He could whisper across three fields.

But added to that he also likes to dominate a conversation, will talk over people and gets louder and louder until people just give up. That's the real problem, not the loud voice.

Ask yourself honestly if it's the same with you?

If everyone is on your back about it then I think you need to try and do something about it. As others have said a hearing test is a good start.

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