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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should just accept the fact I talk loud

98 replies

ALittleBitOfMagic · 27/11/2013 18:01

I have a loud voice . There is nothing I can do about it I know I so it but deep in conversation I am unaware of it and try so hard to speak quieter but the more into a discussion I get the louder Iget .

Everyone is constantly on my back about it . I constantly get told to be quite or "gonae stop shoutin" as it's so eloquently put here my sister is the worst for it . Sometimes she will just get up and walk out the room if I am speaking .

I know this probably sounds so trivial but it's beginning to affect my confidence . I feel like they should all just accept the way I am . I had glue ear constantly as a child my hearing was really bad . I think I've had to shout as a child and just never shook the habit (my hearing is actually still not that great)

Am I being over sensitive ? I actually feel a bit daft now I've typed this all out .

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 27/11/2013 18:42

My family say i talk loudly. I actually think i talk like a normal person and they just talk really quietly. Sometimes i have no idea what they are saying they talk so quietly. Drives me mental. I have no hearing loss. Let's be LOUD and proud!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 27/11/2013 18:43

I am a northern lass and when I get enthusiastic about something, good or bad I can get a bit loud and tbh even though I don't always realise I am doing it people get alarmed as my loudness can sound aggressive. I am trying to curb it but SADLY DO NOT ALWAYS REALISE. See

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:43

Good on ya Littlewhitebag...I absolutely agree and think (sorry Whonicked) that as often as not it's the really quiet talkers who are trying to dominate the conversation by making sure everybody is 100% focussed on them.

MoominMammasHandbag · 27/11/2013 18:45

People who complain about people mumbling tend to be people who suffer from hearing loss.

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:47

My hearing is great....I complain about people who mumble for the reasons given above, namely that they are attention hoggers imho.

TheGreatWizardQuiQuaeQuod · 27/11/2013 18:47

It must be really bad if it is disturbing people to the extent that they can't bear to be around you! That can't feel nice for you. No wonder you say it has started to knock your confidence. It would put a dent in anybody's!

You say you can't do anything about it, but you can. It would just be difficult. You can train yourself to speak quietly. You can have your ears checked. You can ask people to give you a signal when your volume goes up. You can get a hearing aid so that your volume sounds increased to you. There are several things that you realistically can do.

I think that if it is annoying people so much and everyone in your life hates it, then you should consider doing what you can to change it. If by 'can't' you mean you don't want to, then fair enough, you have the absolute right to say you know what, this is me, this is the way I talk, you should accept it - but you have to accept that they also have the right to not accept your choice and to avoid listening to you .

SantiagoToots · 27/11/2013 18:49

There's a difference between clear diction and shouty annoying.

Tbh YABU - it's a sign of ignorance that you're unable, or unwilling, to moderate your volume.

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:50

Everybody is focussing on the 'people walking out' bit. As far as I can see, it is only the OP's sister who does. Sisters will do that, if they think they can get away with it!

Retroformica · 27/11/2013 18:53

Of course you can control it!

I have one particularly loud friend. She's really hard work especially when she talks over you and dominates conversations.

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:53

If you want to talk about 'ignorance' Toots, being unwilling to change a personal characteristic is not a sign of ignorance. Selfishness, obstinacy maybe, ignorance: no.

A sign of ignorance is not knowing the meaning of fairly common words like, erm ignorance. And not knowing that there is no such word as 'shouty'.

Picking people up on their use of language is absolutely not what I do, but you really prodded me into it by your unfair pasting of the OP.

farrowandbawl · 27/11/2013 18:54

Here we go...

Lurkersanonymous · 27/11/2013 18:55

I think you're right Farrow. I'm out

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld · 27/11/2013 18:56

I have a tendency to talk quite loud, particularly when I've had a drink. Comes from growing up in a family where you have to shout to be heard, nobody pays the blindest bit of attention if you're quiet. I'm not ear-splitting, mind, I just don't have an "indoor voice".

DH only tells me I'm too loud when we're with his family. I think it's less about volume and more about sounding common...

clabsyqueen · 27/11/2013 18:58

YABU - maybe see a speech therapist to help you moderate your volume.

Iamsparklyknickers · 27/11/2013 19:07

Have to say I'm incredibly sensitive to noise and it would probably bother me, although that would be my problem. It also depends on what your voice tone is like, some pitches can be hard going at volume.

It's one of those things that is up to you. You can concentrate on accepting who you are and learning not to let it affect your confidence or you can try things to change it. There's not much middle ground unfortunately so you need to commit to one or the other to stop this kind of stress for your own health and piece of mind.

Do get your hearing tested though, your ears are constantly in use and you don't notice so quickly if there're are problems so it's definitely worth checking out.

DontmindifIdo · 27/11/2013 19:09

My mums another who talks v loudly and over people. She does need to have her hearing checked but won't.

I find people who talk loudly aggressive. I know you probably don't mean to be, but often a raised voice does sound aggressive and it makes other people feel uncomfortable. They might know that you don't mean to be domineering and aggressive, but subconsciously it'll put their backs up.

Try hearing test and after that, speech therapy might be good for you. See what you can do to change it.

tinmug · 27/11/2013 19:17

Tinmug there is no evidence to suggest that she doesn't accept them the way they are...

Well there is, actually: they have told her that the volume at which she speaks makes them uncomfortable, and she is unwilling to modify her behaviour.

ConfusedPixie · 27/11/2013 19:39

Sorry, YABU. My Mum is loud and we have to tell her to talk quietly. It grates, it hurts your ears. I used to talk loudly too and struggled to moderate my voice levels.

It got to the point where I was taken aside by my boss and told to do something about it because I sounded aggressive even when I was singing, so I forced myself to do something. Every single time I spoke I would consciously think about it. If I got into heated discussions I would walk away. I was highly embarrassed about it getting to the point where my boss had to talk to me about it.

It's something I'm very concious of still and monitor, it's not impossible. Difficult, but not impossible. People I know now don't believe me if I tell them how fucking loud I was because I'm not often any more. And it was only when I toned down myself that I realised just how fecking loud my mother is

I've had to do the same to my colloquialisms and manner of speaking for work. Over the space of a couple of years I've gone from Essex slang to relatively well spoken. That has been harder than monitoring my voice tbh.

sashh · 27/11/2013 19:42

but the more into a discussion I get the louder Iget

So you can lower your voice, if it starts lower.

I have a friend who is like this, I have strange sensitive hearing, some pitches actually physically hurt so I have to either tell her or be in pain.

She is really good about moderating it and I'm really pleased she does.

MrsCakesPremonition · 27/11/2013 19:47

The problem is that there is a fine line between speaking loudly and shouting. You might think you are just speaking a little louder than usual, but the person listening might feel that you are shouting at them (especially if you engrossed in a conversation you feel passionate about).
I had awful glue ear as a child and have quite a bit of hearing loss in one ear. I have to make a conscious effort to try and keep on the right side of the line.

Vatta · 27/11/2013 19:57

Yabu, sorry. If you are talking so loudly that it's regularly bothering people around you, then you are talking too loudly.

Don't assume you can't change it - see your dr to check your hearing and ask about speech therapy.

If it genuinely results from a disability and can't be changed, then explain that to people and fair enough, but it sounds like you're not even trying.

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 27/11/2013 19:58

Think I will make a wee gp appointment then . Although I don't want to lose it completely I'm applying to do PGDE
But if it stops my family from being so mean to me then I should at least give it a go suppose it won't do any harm .

OP posts:

Vatta · 27/11/2013 20:22

Ok, good luck with it!

Thesimplethings · 27/11/2013 20:28

Yes get your hearing checked. I'm 98% deaf and can't tell what volume I'm in. I'm either too loud or too quiet. Probably would annoy the hell out of some posters but its not intentional.

Must be nice to have sensitive hearing

SantiagoToots · 28/11/2013 04:15

How about a voice coach? I'm not sure how volume is affected by hearing, because depth of voice comes from the diaphragm and chest. To "shout" without using your diaphragm would simply make you sound like a screechy, yapping dog and you'd feel it in the back and roof of your mouth. They are two very distinct and different physical sensations.

lurkers Ignorance refers to the possibility that OP is unaware she has a problem, or that she is aware (as her OP suggests), but that she is unwilling to address it. Like my previous paragraph here, two distinct meanings - just one word. :)

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