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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should just accept the fact I talk loud

98 replies

ALittleBitOfMagic · 27/11/2013 18:01

I have a loud voice . There is nothing I can do about it I know I so it but deep in conversation I am unaware of it and try so hard to speak quieter but the more into a discussion I get the louder Iget .

Everyone is constantly on my back about it . I constantly get told to be quite or "gonae stop shoutin" as it's so eloquently put here my sister is the worst for it . Sometimes she will just get up and walk out the room if I am speaking .

I know this probably sounds so trivial but it's beginning to affect my confidence . I feel like they should all just accept the way I am . I had glue ear constantly as a child my hearing was really bad . I think I've had to shout as a child and just never shook the habit (my hearing is actually still not that great)

Am I being over sensitive ? I actually feel a bit daft now I've typed this all out .

OP posts:

Andro · 28/11/2013 17:02

I have sensitive hearing and find excessive noise uncomfortable (some noises/tones are horrifically painful) so I would be one of those reminding you not to shout at me when I'm stood next to you.

There's a huge difference between a projecting voice and a shouty voice.

ThenSheSaid · 28/11/2013 17:18

Loud voices are really annoying. . I don't understand how you can't control it. Surely it is just a matter of talking quieter and getting used to it ???

I dont like it when people in public talk so loudly that you can hear their conversation even though you are sitting along way away from them.

Mums talking to their kids seem to talk especially loudly. I may have done it myself It drives me crazy

Andro · 28/11/2013 17:21

To pick on a personal characteristic is horrible and akin to bullying.

If people's ears are so sensitive they find a loud conversation distressing they need to buy earplugs.

Wow! Spot the double standard! Hyper-sensitive hearing is a personal characteristic just as much as a loud/soft/squeaky/etc voice is, hyper-sensitivity can also be pitch range specific (so a person is sensitive to some sounds but not others). Dismissing the difficulties associated with such a hearing issue by saying buy some earplugs is at best horribly naive and at worst displays a frightening lack of empathy. Why should a person have to choose between being physically comfortable during a conversation yet having to lip read the people with quiet/deep/whatever voice they're not sensitive to, or enduring the painful ricochet of noise so they can interact more normally with the rest of the group? There's massive difference between not being aware that you're shouting (or even is some cases being physically incapable of controlling the volume) and being aware of the problem and doing nothing about it.

I can understand that people with significant hearing difficulties can have trouble with an average volume conversation, is it too much to ask that others actually try and understand the pain associated with sensitive hearing and exercise a little empathy themselves?

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 28/11/2013 18:30

Andro i don't see the double standard ? I'm not picking on people for having sensitive hearing , but people are picking on me for talking too loud

And id just like to add I work with autistic adults so if my voice that bad I wouldn't be able to do the job I do .

OP posts:

Beastofburden · 28/11/2013 18:32

If your hearing is a bit compromised you may not really know what it's like to be on the receiving end. Do get it checked out.

Andro · 28/11/2013 18:43

ALittleBitOfMagic

The double standard is the implication that a person with a very loud voice should be tolerated but if you have hyper-sensitive hearing that shouldn't be tolerated (in the sense that allowances shouldn't be made, just get some ear plugs).

The casual dismissal of a condition which can be extremely debilitating annoyed me somewhat - it's not the first time I've come across the assumption that ear plugs will solve the problems associated with hyper-sensitive hearing (I wish they did!).

Andro · 28/11/2013 18:48

^^my ranty post was in response to SeaSickSal and her infuriating dismissal of sensitive hearing and the problems it causes. OP, if you're able to work with autistic adults then no, your voice probably isn't that bad

trilogyofjuniper · 28/11/2013 18:51

YABU. Talking loudly is rude!

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 28/11/2013 19:05

Trilogy - well is it not rude for someone to , while I'm in the middle of a story , to stand up and say "I can't listen to her" and walk out ? It's quite off putting and makes me not want to talk to people .

I should probably also add that the people that are doing this definitely do not have sensitive hearing . And if I ever knew I was talking to someone with sensitive hearing I absolutely would try my hardest to not make them uncomfortable . I'm not a complete brat I'm just fed up of being so conscious of how I am speaking when u am around my parents and sister (even in my own home) that I have been thinking lately it seems really unfair that I am made to feel so bad about myself and they should just love and accept me the way I am .

OP posts:

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 28/11/2013 19:09

When I am around my parents

OP posts:

hollyisalovelyname · 28/11/2013 19:10

My dh can't have a normal conversation - he shouts too. He has hearing issues ( I think) but won't get checked out. His eyesight needs to be tested too but he won't go to the opticians.
Grrrrrrr!!!!!

harticus · 28/11/2013 19:25

WTF - people aren't allowed to have loud voices now without people tell them to get therapy?! Or that having a loud voice is bullying!
Sheesh.

Mumblers and mutterers drive me fucking mad but I wouldn't suggest they rush out and get voice coaching.

Your voice is who you are OP. People can like it or lump it.
I had a flatmate at college who was brought up with 2 deaf sisters. She was like a foghorn - but so what? It was all part of her personality.

This is such a peculiarly English thread.
You'd never get a group of Italians or Americans even considering this to be an issue.

nooka · 28/11/2013 19:30

It's not really possible to tell without being there is it? On the face of it your sister sounds very rude, but it is also possible that you are talking very loudly and won't moderate your tone on request which would also be rude. Your sister might be being rude about your stories or might find your loud voice painful.

I think that you probably need to ask the opinion of someone neutral. Or perhaps there is an app that measures volume somewhere?

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 28/11/2013 19:37

Nooka I wonder if there is an app that would be quite interesting .

OP posts:

SootikinAndSweep · 28/11/2013 19:39

My sister has an unbearably strident voice, I flinch when she speaks. She had bad hearing as a child too. There are loud voices that can still be pleasant to listen to though, if the tone isn't abrasive or shrill.

It's not so bad now she has a bigger house, I position myself further from her.

nooka · 28/11/2013 19:54

Looks like there are indeed. So many that here is a review of some of them :)

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 28/11/2013 20:03

Ok will measure my decibels and report back tomorrow

OP posts:

WhatTheHellIsHappening · 28/11/2013 20:23

YANBU, I have the opposite problem- I talk deathly quiet as a result of severe generalised anxiety disorder and selective mutism. People asking me to speak up is understandable (although I feel like a failure about it, they physically can't do anything else to understand me) but people (inc. friends/family) who went on about or joked about in the same way as you are having knocked my self esteem down so low.

So, although as a sufferer from the opposite, I know how hard it can be to speak differently. It's like changing your whole personality, it's natural. I don't particularly like loud speaking, but that's due to my own issues surrounding my talking, and I would second going to a form of speech therapy (I'm going to one btw, very helpful!) and having checked hearing. I am a mumbler and a mutterer and guess what? I can't help it but I wish I could change it tbh.

Original poster

ALittleBitOfMagic · 28/11/2013 21:05

Ok I just monitored myself reading a bedtime story with an app and I think it said I was speak at between 35-40db . Is that loud ? (I don't know if I've interpreted it properly though and it doesn't record and let you watch back it only monitors it at the time)

OP posts:

Beastofburden · 28/11/2013 21:18

I doubt that's right. Normal conversation is 60db. I think we already know your natural level is above that.

nooka · 28/11/2013 21:20

Here's a little table for you:

www.engineeringtoolbox.com/voice-level-d_938.html

If your normal speech is 35-40 you speak quite quietly, as 60 seems to be cited as normal at 1 meter.

I think that you'd need to have the recorder running in a normal social situation, as it's most likely that your normal speaking voice isn't particularly loud, but that when you get animated it gets much louder. Reading a story is a pretty controlled situation where background noise etc shouldn't be an issue, so you'd not be expecting to be loud.

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps · 28/11/2013 21:31

Sorry but having an extremely loud voice is irritating. I have a friend like this and I try to understand but it's just relentless. It does mean I have to think about what I want to talk to her about because everyone will hear. We've tried talking to it about her as it's so loud it can actually be distressing... She laughs about it.

springytickle · 28/11/2013 22:31

This is like the introvert/extrovert debate (let's not go there eh lol). Some people have loud voices, some people quiet. An awful lot can't help it, it's just the way they are - and, yes, I do think people should just accept it. It comes to something when it's affecting your confidence OP.

So I'd say: you naturally have a loud voice (if, in fact you do and it's not your sister being a cow ) and that's fine, accept it. However you could get some voice coaching to have more control over it for your sake , so it's not a potential drain on your confidence iyswim.

OR move to Africa. My ILs speak in the loudest voices, it's just the way people speak in that particular African country. Here's the thing: one of my dd's had a very loud voice from a young age, but had never been to Africa. She was incapable of whispering - her whisper would wake the dead. Her voice (and mannerisms) is the spit of her african grandma whom she didn't meet until she was 2 and well into her (loud) stride! It's in the genes...

Said dd is a singer and has had a lot of voice coaching - result: she can use a huge range with her voice now and can manipulate it how she chooses. She can belt out a song or sing softly - her speaking voice the same.

And give it up with the 'loud/quiet voices are so irritating' will ya posters. A lot of people can't help it.

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