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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not fire my cleaner? Or for that matter, to fire her?

137 replies

ViewFromThe4thFloor · 27/11/2013 15:00

In the summer my partner's diamond necklace went missing. We searched high and low for it, to no avail. It was typically left on top of a chest in the bedroom, but sometimes other various places (i.e. no jewellery box) and we won't sure exactly when it went missing. It might have been missing for a couple of weeks before it was noticed as it's more of a special occasion thing. The cleaner who had been coming for about 9 months at this point was away at the time and I was using a temporary one sent by the agency. When it was discovered to be missing she was back so I mentioned to her that we couldn't find it. She shrugged and said she had no idea.

About three weeks later she walks in to the room saying "is this the necklace you lost?". It was. I asked her to show me where she'd found it and she took me to the bedroom and said it was on the floor behind some stuff, beneath the chest which it was typically on top of. It could have fallen there, but I am reasonably sure that I looked down there when hunting for it. I decided to give her the benefit of the fairly considerable doubt.

A couple of weeks ago my mum gave me an advent calendar for my 6 year old son. A few days ago he saw it in my room and asked if it was for him. I said it was, and that he'd start it in December of course and he was studying the numbers, etc. Then a couple of days ago I noticed that 22, 23, 24 had all been opened and the chocolates removed. I grilled him about it and he is adamant it wasn't him. In the past I've readily been able to tell when he isn't being completely honest. Clearly he could be making it up, but I really am doubtful. I asked him repeatedly and he was quite sure he hadn't taken them.

Today the cleaner came and went. 19 has been opened too now. I am not 100% certain it wasn't open before she came, but I'm about 80% certain!

And it wasn't my girlfriend; she doesn't like chocolate.

All in all none of the above is something I can be completely sure of, but I'm pretty dubious at this point. I don't want to put her out of a job if she's done nothing wrong, but I don't want her coming any more if she's going to be stealing valuable stuff or half inching inconsequential stuff whilst relying on the idea that my son can carry the blame!

What would you do? Should she stay or must she go?

OP posts:
Original poster
ViewFromThe4thFloor · 27/11/2013 16:38

I don't at all think he isn't capable of swiping the chocolates (I remember taking them off the Christmas tree as a kid then trying to reconstitute the gold foil in to the shape it was before the chocolate went missing) or even lying about doing so. It's just very unusual that I can't uncover his fibs. He feigned a painful arm once to try to get a day of school and it took hours but eventually I got him to come clean because I was sure he was having me on. Maybe I just don't want to admit he is growing up enough to trick his old man.

Could try to prove it one way or the other I suppose but let's face it, if I come back next Wednesday saying a chocolate went missing whilst he was at school nobody would now believe me.

loopy, thanks for you concern, but honestly, it's fine. Some people seem to have assumed I wanted to fire her when in fact I'd rather keep her, as I have done thus far, but I wanted to check that people didn't think I was bonkers for doing so. Got a pretty clear answer on that one!

OP posts:
Original poster
ViewFromThe4thFloor · 27/11/2013 16:39

"of school" = "off school".

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 27/11/2013 16:40

So am I the only one who thinks it's a cheek to help yourself to drink from fridge other than water while you're working in somebody else's home?

I may be warped by never having worked anywhere where any refreshments beyond tap water were provided (take your own glass/mug).

Yiska · 27/11/2013 16:41

Sooo, if it turns out your DS has been scoffing the chocs... Will you be replacing the advent calendar??

Wink
whois · 27/11/2013 16:54

Maybe the cleaner did take the necklace. You'll never know. More likely that she found it with fresh eyes but there is a chance she 'borrowed' it. If she's never taken anything else before I'd probably think she actually did find it.

She is defo not taking the chocolate. Your son defo is. How can you even think a grown woman would steal the last few days advent calendar choc? That's a totally childish attempt at deception!

A few months ago I lost my Oyster card. I was SURE I had lost it in one of my drawers. Turned everything out looking for it but no joy so cancelled it. Three months later and I'm looking for something else in the draw and I find my Oyster card, I'd have sworn blind it wasn't there...

Original poster
ViewFromThe4thFloor · 27/11/2013 16:59

"She is defo not taking the chocolate. Your son defo is. How can you even think a grown woman would steal the last few days advent calendar choc? That's a totally childish attempt at deception! "

How can I think it? Because I looked at it today before the cleaner came, AFTER I had dropped my son at school, and I am fairly sure (not 100%, but about 80) that day 19 was closed. Now the cleaner has been and gone and the chocolate from 19 is gone.

My nephew is 19 and he eats my son's Fruit Strings. I don't know how old the cleaner is, but I reckon she's less than 19.

OP posts:
whois · 27/11/2013 17:04

The cleaner of an old boss of mine opened a new box of chocoltes and the magazine that was delivered by post that morning during her shift

Yup things like this do happen.

My friend came home to find her cleaner and cleaners apparent boyfriend canoodling on the sofa watching TV rather than cleaning! Massive breach of trust having a total strange boy in the house. Friend had been saying for a few weeks didn't think cleaner was actually doing much cleaning. At least that made it east to fire her on the spot and relive keys from her.

lborolass · 27/11/2013 17:22

Your cleaner is less than 19? Did you get references before she started with you, she can't have had much similar work experience before coming to you.

Tanith · 27/11/2013 17:27

I don't know who stole your necklace but I reckon my DD had
those advent chocolates. I recognise her technique!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/11/2013 17:33

sure your cleaner found the necklace - im always not finding stuff then find it- or asked temp about it and reclaimed it off her

chocolate is being eaten by your son

AbiRoad · 27/11/2013 17:34

Well, I think the chocolate one will resolve itself. If your cleaner is not back until next Wednesday, leave the calendar where it is and see if another one goes missing before then. Unless your DC is deliberately trying to frame the cleaner!

Original poster
ViewFromThe4thFloor · 27/11/2013 17:42

Abi, I think I'd be proud of that level of subterfuge on his part. If he does that he deserves the chocolates.

OP posts:
WaitMonkey · 27/11/2013 18:05

One million percent it's your son eating the chocolate. The necklace, I don't know. Love a mystery though. Grin

WaitMonkey · 27/11/2013 18:07

Lol at the dc trying to frame the cleaner. Grin

JohnnyUtah · 27/11/2013 18:09

I lost a diamond ring this summer. Looked for ages. Found it where I know I had looked before. Pretty sure I just didn't see it the first time.

Hopasholic · 27/11/2013 18:35

Can I just ask, what do you get out of posting this particular story....... Again?

Yiska · 27/11/2013 18:49

Hopasholic I'm confused Confused Did OP already post this? Have you got a link I can't see it anywhere.

usualsuspect · 27/11/2013 18:55

I thought this was a zombie thread ,when I read the first post.

Original poster
ViewFromThe4thFloor · 27/11/2013 20:27

Hopasholic? wotchooonabou?

OP posts:
Cookethenook · 27/11/2013 20:43

I think you're being very naive.

Children lie. They test boundaries, all part of learning. It may be that the door was pushed back in after opening and it popped back out after you saw it.

You really must not think much of your cleaners level of intelligence if you think she would steal chocolates from an advent calendar (somewhere that is checked every day and has a seal on the door) and think no one would notice. Just because she's young, it doesn't mean she's completely stupid. And do you really think someone would risk their job over a few flipping chocolates?!

As for the necklace. Doesn't it seem rather odd to you that someone would go from stealing diamonds to stealing chocolates? And why would she bring it back if you'd accepted it was gone and she'd supposedly got away with it. Don't you think it's much more likely that it dropped down somewhere and she found it?

VivaLeBeaver · 27/11/2013 20:53

It's also possible the temp cleaner took it. Panicked when the loss was discovered. Made a show of looking for it and after some searching stuffed it somewhere so it would eventually turn up.

I think that's more likely than a long term, previously trustworthy cleaner took it and brought it back.

Parentingfailure · 27/11/2013 20:54

My DH is a tradesman with over 25 ears experience and honest as they come. He doesn't charge old people for ffs he's that nice.
He has been accused by a customer of stealing some valuable rings. She is adamant it could only be him, he absolutely did not do it, but it is very very damaging to have those accusations made. People are very quick to blame people such as cleaners and tradespeople and it has far reaching effects when you are wrong. Think carefully about the things you are saying about your cleaner.

VivaLeBeaver · 27/11/2013 20:55

And being 80% sure of a chocolate been there isn't enough.

By all means tomorrow check every single chocolate before she comes and double check. Make sure this is after your son has gone to school. Then before your son returns check the chocolates again. If any are missing then and its only her and you in the house then that's more damming.

Hopasholic · 27/11/2013 21:38

The thread I'm talking about was posted about 3 weeks ago and was deleted. Apologies if this is genuine but the diamond necklace part of the story is the same. Advent calendar bit is new though.

gaggiagirl · 28/11/2013 08:26

What kind of advent calendar is it?

Hotel chocolate?

Pound shop one?

Cadburys?

I need to know how delicious the chocolate is.

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