I don't want to live in a cold house.

[Fuckityfuckers]

DH is a bit funny about the heating and hot water.

Every so often he fiddles about with it and decides it's on too often.

So, this morning I got up to a wet bed (thanks, DS2) and after cleaning and changing him I ran myself a bath.

Went to get in and it was cold. Not just a bit cold, freezing. I actually cried.

DH said, oh that's because I had a bath last night. I said wtf? Surely the hot water would have reheated overnight? No, apparently it's now on a timer so we have limited hot water, it reheats at some point in the day and that's it.

So I've had a lukewarm shower. I was visibly upset and DH has gone to work in a bit of a strop because he feels that I'm having a go at him for having a bath last night, which is SO not the point.

During this conversation, while I was standing in the freezing cold bathroom draining my freezing cold bath I said something about hating getting up when it's cold, and DH said, yeah, maybe I should set the heating to come on before we get up.

Yes folks, the heating goes off at 10pm and on at 7am (and then off during the day). We go to bed at around 11 and get up at 6.

WIBU to put my foot firmly down and ban him from fiddling with it? I want the hot water on all the time (I'm fairly sure it isn't that much more expensive, and we are NOT struggling for money) and the heating on for an extra two hours a day.

I just find it the most miserable soul crushing thing in the world to get up in a cold house and have a cold bath.

AIBU?

My heating is set constantly at around 18, as we have a baby in the house I don't like to let it get too cold and have to wait to heat up again. I do however turn off the radiators in rooms we don't use and set the hot water to come on at 5am so I have hot water in the morning to run baby bath and wash all the bottles properly. Dh and I have showers, but this is a different system and water is heated as we use it. If we didn't have baby we wouldn't bother putting the hot water on unless I fancied a bath once a week! I think your dh has his head in the right place, but there comes a time when comfort has to come before being frugal, and it sounds like you are suffering at the moment!

Ah, I see FiscalCliffRocksThisTown, the laws of physics change depending on the quantity of water involved. I never knew that.

We have an energy efficient tank /boiler that only has the option of hot water at all times. Our gas bills are lower now than they were with an old boiler with hot water on timer. I have the heating set at the same times/temp.

Well, the OP example proved that? If her DH was a single bloke he would have been fine. The problem arises when other people want baths a various times during the day.

The laws of physics stay the same. The circumstances change.

The OP's DH used up all the hot water last night on his bath and set the hot water and heating controls in the full knowledge that there would be no hot water for the OP to take a bath the next morning.

A bit like eating up all the remaining food in the fridge and leaving none for the next person.

I am truly shocked at such abusive behaviour.

Bonsoir really

this is not abusive behaviour. For goodness sake

The OP's DH used up all the hot water last night on his bath and set the hot water and heating controls in the full knowledge that there would be no hot water for the OP to take a bath the next morning.... I am truly shocked at such abusive behaviour.

He didn't have full knowledge that his son would wet the bed and therefore his wife would want a shower in the morning.

I share Bonsoir's view. Massively inconsiderate selfishness that makes life worse for the wife & child is abuse. The man set the heating & water to suit himself only. Used all the hot water last night, knowing there'd be none for OP and DS. Presumably isn't bothered about getting up in the cold, as he bathed last night and can dress straight away.

And he blamed OP for minding! Controlling twunt, imo. Fuckity, I hope you manage to indelibly impress upon him that the other people living in your house matter as much as him!

bonkers

people are bonkers

(walks away)

I'm the one turning the heating down all the time.
Dh needs a warm bedroom and I don't really like it. We have separate duvets for that reason, because I would be boiling under his 100tog whateveritscalled.

OP talk to him, it's not on to have no hot water for shower/ bath. And change the timer for heating, the whole point of having a timer is that you can set it to warm up before you get up/come home.

to warm you up

YANBU. Cold makes me miserable. If it's not a budgeting issue, then why does he feel the need to fiddle?

I have a combi, so have hot water all the time, heating goes on when we feel we need it, oh and is timed to come on shortly before we get up.

Talk to your DH. Explain how important it is to you. It certainly is to me, and when I was in a position where I was made to feel guilty about it (Ex, who blamed money but then had no qualms spending extortionate amounts on other things) it caused us massive problems.

On it's own it doesn't appear abusive. However the uneccessary fiddling smacks a little of controlling behaviour. Is he like this in other areas too OP?

YANBU
You need hot water to be available - what if you had poogate! (My dd2 pooed herself in bed and tried to clean it up herself -poo everywhere and she needed a bath at 2am!) or a vomit incident.
In the old days they were geared up to heat water for baths etc - wouldn't involve carrying pans/kettles of boiling water up stairs - I did that when our boiler broke down hard work and dangerous - was thinking if only we had a tin bath in the kitchen!
I grew up in a house without central heating - memories of picking the ice off the inside of the single glazed windows...my mum would warm our pjs in front of the fire for after a bath and in the morning we would warm the clothes in bed with us before putting them on - happy days
Do you have good insulation/lagging on your tank - cheap to do and if the water is heated in the morning and evening should retain heat well and if water isn't used minimal energy to get it back up to temp.
Bacteria in water - Legionnaires - (relevant to solar thermal water heating) needs to go above 60 deg for a couple of minutes once a week.
You should have heating on to warm house before you need it - why not set heating to come on 30min- 1 hr before you get up up and go off 30mins/1hr before you leave -when you are dressed and rushing to get out the door you won't realise it is cooling down.
My heating goes off at 8.30pm - children in bed - I put on a fleece, get a hotwater and a blanket on sofa if I want to watch tv late.

at abusive behaviour.

I decide on heating, dinner, duvet change to winter/summer, holiday destinations etc etc etc etc.

If DH doesn't like it then he knows where the door is

Sometimes I do let him decide on whether to have garlic bread or just buttered bread with tea though. Got to let him have something for himself after all.

having the hot water tank on all the time is not cheaper than having it on at certain times of the day, we tried it and our bill more than doubled - its an absolute myth. same goes for people who say keep the heating all the time but keep it on low its cheaper - is it bollocks.

you don't put your foot down or ban. You have an adult conversation as marriage is supposedly for adults.

if he isn't capable of adult conversation then you have bigger issues.

YANBU

Waking up in the cold is soul destroying and terrible. If you can afford it you should be able to wake up in a warm house- no debate.

Oh god he is so far from abusive or controlling that that's actually funny, although having been in an abusive marriage previously I appreciate the sentiment.

He is a lovely bloke, just a bit blinkered sometimes. He certainly wouldn't have realised he was using all the hot water as he usually has a shower in the evenings.

I'll talk to him tonight when he's not rushing out of the door and it will all be sorted.

You can solve the hot water thing by getting a combi boiler - hot water only when you need it. Made a huge difference to our gas bill.

I think it really does depend on your personal circumstances then, as to whether it's cheaper to have heating/water on constantly or not.

For us, someone is home with DD (1) a good portion of the day. We will go out at some point for a few hours, but it varies day to day. We're rarely out all day. Therefore it makes sense for us to have the heating on low all day every day, otherwise the house would be cold when we got back and we would use the energy we had saved on reheating the house.

Oh, and while we're on the subject, I was told water heaters should really be set to a temperature where you don't need to add cold water for a bath or shower. The hotter the water is, the less efficient the heater is due to more heat loss. If you need extra hot water eg for washing up, you could boil a kettle.

By the way, we pay £52 combined gas and electric per month, so it can't be that bad having the heating in constantly.

YANBU. If you regularly have a shower in the morning, then you need hot water in the morning. It's not normal to only have enough hot water for one of you.

If you ds wets the bed in the night, then he needs hot water as well to wash him down. I always give my ds a quick wash if he wakes up wet. Urine remaining on the skin is unhealthy.

I don't see the point of the heating coming on after you get up, so it heats the house while you aren't there. I would put it on just before you get up and time it so it switches off just before you leave the house.

We've got a brand new combi boiler and set the thermostat last winter to come on automatically as soon as it hit a minimum temperature. Relatively high as newborn in the house last winter The bills were astronomical despite new doubleglazing and masses of insulation and due to a British Gas screw up, we didn't get the bad news until May.

This year - we have the same set up but the min temp is set much lower and we've moved the temp monitor away from the coldest least used part of the house.
When we get up in the morning we give it a boost and it resets itself after 3 hrs. Same again in the evening. So far it is working well and hopefully it will result in significantly lower bills.

You are fully entitled to want to feel warm and comfortable in your own house, especially when it is time to get up.

I must admit that I never turn our hot water off. It only kicks in briefly about two or three times in the day. The heating is not turned off during the cooler months either, but left with the thermostat set at 16 - 17 degrees. It too just kicks in and out occasionally. Between about April and the end of October (or as close to that as we can stand) it is turned off, with just the hot water being used.

With four, and sometimes five of us living in a sizeable four bedroom house, we spend around £180 per month on combined gas and electricity.

I may be looking at the idea of getting a new timer at some point, and then reviewing things but just can't do it at present. Ours is so old it must have come out of the ark, and is in one of the least accessible parts of the house (who knows why). So I end up just controlling the heating with the thermostat, which is easy to reach and in the living room.

YANBU. In my house it is a noise issue - heating pump so noisy it is guaranteed to wake me up, so only set it for 06:45 and up at 7, house is never warm until we go out (and heating goes off) at 08:30!

If you can afford to have your house as warm as you want it and don't have to make any sacrifices, you are probably in a minority these days. I and a lot of people I have seen posting would certainly have it a bit warmer given the choice, but really couldn't afford it without cutting back on other things.